[00:00:00] Hala: Hey kute, welcome to young and profiting podcast.

[00:00:03] Kute: Thanks for having me great to be here.

[00:00:05] Hala: I'm so excited for this conversation. You are a transformational guide speaker and author, and you have such a unique story. And I can't wait to talk about your most recently released book, the magic of surrender and finding the courage to let go.

But first I wanted to start off by touching on your background story. I learned that you were born in Ghana, you were raised in London. You also grew up in a spiritual family and your father was a minister and your parents actually met in a really unique way. So I'd love to hear that story. I learned that your mother was Japanese, your father was from Ghana.

And so they couldn't really easily speak to each other. So I think this was a really interesting story and definitely impacted how you grew up and how you, who you turned out to be an as adult. So I'd love to hear that story.

[00:00:50] Kute: Yeah, basically, it's an interesting story. My father. Born in Ghana, west Africa, one of the poorest parts in Ghana, on a concrete floor in the middle of nowhere, basically.

And so when he was, we're talking in the late thirties, mid foot now kind of beginning 1940 ish, he would have these visions of the Japanese group, Japanese spiritual teacher that would come to him in his dream when he was eight years old and teach him about life and the universe and the cosmos and the meaning of existence.

And so imagine this African kid getting a download from this Japanese girl that he'd never met. And so when my father was 15 in Ghana, he had this sort of religious conversion, so to speak, gave his life to dad, wanting to be a priest, became a minister at 50. And my father started healing. People imagine a 15 year old kid, he starts putting his hands on.

Blind people. Seeing deaf people, hearing people standing up out of wheelchairs, you'd look at a person, you know, in the wheelchair and say, stand up. You're not sick. And they will stand up. So this 15 year old kid became a phenomenon at 15 onwards. Thousands of people flock to him. He started a church that grew into 300 churches and he became huge.

He was the spiritual teacher to [00:02:00] presidents and Kings in Ghana and all across Africa. So when my father was 37 years, He was in a store in Ghana, west Africa, a book falls off the shelf. He looks at the back of the book and he sees the face of this Japanese guru. Who'd been coming to him his entire life, starting from when he was eight years old.

He didn't know that this Japanese guru was a real person. He writes to this man. He says, you've been coming to me, teaching me since I was eight years old. I didn't know you were real. I just saw your face on the back of the book. I can't even believe this. This man sends his son-in-law basically his son, since this, his son in law to meet my father in Ghana, they didn't have internet back then.

So it sends a law. Son-in-law was so impressed with my father and his work invites my father to go to Japan, to meet the guru, to go on a huge lecture tour with the guru around Japan. This is in the mid seventies. Now my father, his first wife died. You have three kids and he says to the son-in-law look, I'm looking for a wife.

I'm ready for a wife. Just please pray for me. Right. And the man [00:03:00] says. The son-in-law goes back to Japan. He gives a talk. He announces to everyone, this African man, the miracle man of Africa is coming to Japan to go on a lecture tour without teacher. So here are the dates. My mother was in the audience, my mother, this was her spiritual teacher, the Japanese girl.

She grew up in this organization, meditating. And what have you? My mother's 28, 29 years old in Japan at that moment, if you're not married by 22, 23, you're old, your life is over. It's finished, it's finished. Right? And so she's 28, 29, almost 30. Her life is over. She's been proposed to she's turned them down.

She made a prayer. She said, God, I will marry. She said, basically I surrender. I will marry anyone you tell me to marry. I don't care who it is. Black white, green, orange, tall, short, fat, skinny, rich port as street sweeper, but just make it clear that this person is my soulmate and my life partner. Give me an undeniable note.

She's in the audience. She hears about my father [00:04:00] coming to Japan. She feels chills in her body gets the sense that this is my husband. My mother doesn't speak English. My father doesn't speak Japanese. She writes through a translator, her sister. She writes them. My father, my father's in London on his way to Africa on his way to Japan, he's meditating in his meditation.

He gets a guidance that says your wife's coming to you tomorrow. He goes to the mailbox. There's a letter from my mother. He opens them the letter. He says, this is my wife in the lecture, nothing romantic. It just says, look forward to hearing you speak in, in Japan. Can't wait to hear your lecture. It says, this is my wife, no internet, no Facebook, no Instagram stalking, no pictures, no nothing, no phone call.

He writes to her and he says, would you be open to move this. To Ghana. My mother writes back through her sister translate and says, if it's God's, will he writes back and says, yes, it's God's well, they agreed to get married. St. Unseen. My father goes to Japan, goes on electrics with the Google, meets my mother for the first time, which translators with chaperones.

They're 45 minutes by themselves. They look at each other, they can't speak. They agreed to get married. Now they have a wedding date. My father is on this election, so they have a wedding date. Black guy, Japanese woman, mid seventies, can't say, hello, can't have a conversation. They've agreed to get married just because they feel this deep soul connection.

My father has no money by Japanese standards. You know, he's not doing this. He's not speaking as a career. He's going as a form of service. So he doesn't have money to throw Japanese wedding. He meditates, he prays and God says, just chill. So he's like, okay, I'm just going to chill. I'm just going to, I'm going to just trust the universe.

He goes on a six week lecture tour with the guru. He doesn't get paid. He hasn't told anyone. He goes to his mailbox. At the end of the six weeks, there is an envelope for $7,000, which was, you know, a decent amount of money back in the seventies, $7,000 in USB cash. All it says in this envelope is this is for your wedding.

That was it. Anonymous, Noname. [00:06:00] They go to Japan, they come talk to me animal. They have me a year later, and that was how they met crazy story of, of real surrender and really trusting the universe.

[00:06:09] Hala: Wow. I love that story. I have chills from that story and I can't wait to kind of unpack that later on as we get into the details of the book, but that's phenomenal.

And the fact that they were just so certain that they were meant for each other. What was it like growing up with an interracial mom and dad? I mean, that was a very unique experience, especially back then. What was that like for you?

[00:06:32] Kute: it was unique, but it wasn't unique to me because it just felt normal.

And, and, and I think that was beautiful. I've always like I was born in Ghana. My father's has, and as black as you can get my mother's as Japanese as you can get. And I grew up in London and so I never felt like I was from anywhere. I never felt like I was, people would say, do you feel gunny? And I'm like, yes, but no.

Do you feel Japanese? Yes. But no. Do you feel British? Yes, but no one. And so I always felt that I [00:07:00] was a soul and I felt, I always grew up with the sense that the soul doesn't have a color, the soul doesn't have a race, the soul doesn't have some sort of national identity. And so, you know, I grew up with, you know, honestly with my mother who is so Japanese, but I literally, for the first years of my life saw no color.

And so it was a really profound experience for me of pure love, honestly, pure love. And there were so many differences between my, my father's culture and the Japanese culture of kind of polar opposites. I think, and they would look, there were a lot of challenges between my mother and my father and different cultures and my father's a hell of a character and him.

And yet I felt very, very blessed to have the rich experience of Japan and Africa. And I always felt like I was from everywhere and no [00:08:00] way, the gift that came out of that experience growing up was the ability to go anywhere in the world and. Rather than focusing on differences and focusing on color and race and all of that stuff.

It gave me the ability to just connect with people as human beings. Because what I really learned was no matter how different we seem to be. At the bottom line level, we are all the same. We are souls. We are consciousness evolving, you know, in this human space suit. And at the end of the day, we are infinite,

[00:08:29] Hala: That's so beautiful. So I was looking more into your story and you having such a successful father who seemed to have garnered a lot of respect and fame and your region, he wanted you to follow in his footsteps and it was kind of expected, right.

For you to follow in his footsteps. So what was that like actually deciding not to, cause you ended up moving to America quite young. Uh, what was that conversation like? What was that decision-making like for you?

[00:08:57] Kute: Yeah. Look, my father had hundreds of thousands of [00:09:00] followers just to like set the context we're talking.

300, 400,000 followers in Africa. He had a very huge church in London. So every Sunday we'd go to church and there were like four or 5,000 people in the congregation every Sunday. And so it was kind of a massive operation. And so I started speaking why didn't choose. But my father threw me in front of the audience when I was age eight.

And he said, my son is going to speak. And that began my speaking career at age eight, speaking in front of three, 4,000 people. And so when I was 14, my father suddenly announced to the congregation to suddenly, without discussing with me or having a conversation. My son is taking over my ministry. My son is my successor and everyone goes crazy.

So here I imagine here I am a 14 year old kid in complete shock because I loved my father. I wanted to make him happy. He's iconic. I just wanted his approval. And I always wanted, I felt this deep desire to make a difference in people's lives. I felt like my life was here to be of service, to [00:10:00] humanity and touch people in some way.

I wanted to make a difference. So when my father announced to the congregation at 14, my son's taking over, I felt such an internal conflict because the moment he announced that I was on stage, everyone looks at me, everyone's clapping. Everyone's doing crazy. But inside of my soul, I knew that something wasn't right.

You know, that feeling that you get when something is, something is not true. Maybe being in a, in a relationship where you're like, oh shit, this is not the right relationship where you're in a job where you realize this is not aligned with my soul. I'm out of integrity. And so I, I knew in that moment, this was not my path.

This was not my destiny, but I went along with it from that from 14 to 18. Honestly, I was too afraid that if I dare to be myself, if I dare to speak my truth, if I dare to, to tell my father how I really felt, I would lose his love. I'd be outcast. That'd be alone. I would, I wouldn't be a part of the tribe anymore.

And so I said nothing. My fear was, if I dare to be who I was, I would lose love. And I think so many of us, we hold back [00:11:00] who we are, we betray our truth. We don't tell the truth to ourselves. We stay in situations that aren't authentic because we're afraid of being who we really are and not being loved, you know?

For four years, I went through a tremendous amount of soul searching a tremendous amount of conflict, depression, sadness, turmoil, internal turmoil that I never talked to anyone, but when I was 18, I looked into my future and that's when the moment really shifted for me. My life shifted. I looked into my future and I realized that I could never be truly happy and fulfilled living someone else's life.

I could never be truly happy and fulfilled being someone that I'm not. And I tried to be what my father wanted me to be, but there was something inside. If I was really honest, that was missing. That wasn't connected. There wasn't a line. I looked into my future and I projected age 28, 38, 48, 58 60. I realized I could be successful by everyone else's standards, but if I didn't have myself, if I didn't have my soul, if I didn't have my truth, then [00:12:00] what kind of success is that?

If I don't have my stuff, how do I. Be with myself, to me, that is, that is living there. And so I grieved by cried. I realized that I had to let go of my father, which was, you know, at that stage for any of us, as hard as an 18 year old kid was terrifying. And I made that decision that I was going to have to lose my father and have the compensation.

And so at 18. I told my mother, you know, mothers, they're always for the most part, pretty supportive. And she said, I support my mother said, I support you, whatever you feel is true. I'm always here. I have your back. And so I must have the courage one day to speak to my father. And this was the moment that my life changed.

And I think there comes a moment. Well, we have to own our lives for ourselves. We have to reclaim our lives. Sometimes that means letting your parents down in some way, but I realized that this was my life and this wasn't anyone else's life. And at some moment my father would die. My parents would die.

Everyone around me would die. And I had to look myself in the mirror. And so I tiptoed up the stairs, terrified and [00:13:00] shaking by the way. And sometimes people think you have to get rid of fear in order to take action. I would terrify. And it took every ounce of courage for me to have this conversation, because I felt too that I wasn't just claiming my life.

I felt like I was breaking my father's heart, which was just, just as you know, it was just as hard, you know? And I looked my father in the eyes and I said, dad, you know, it's trembling that I'm not taking over your ministry and I love you, but I'm not taking over. I thought he was going to go crazy silence.

And he said, are you sure. I trembled the game. I said, yeah, yeah. I'm not even nowhere. He said, okay, we didn't speak for two years. That was incredibly painful. Sometimes people say that when you find your purpose and you find your mission, that the universe opens, everything is easy. Everything was smooth. I think sometimes when you find your purpose and you align with your truth and you move in that direction and you follow your soul, that's actually, when the challenges begin, that's when [00:14:00] the soul tests begins.

And many times people think. Ah, because I'm facing all of these challenges in my life, but I'm, I'm still following my purpose when I'm facing these challenges, something's wrong. I made a wrong decision. I think many times it's the same as you made the right decision. It's just that when you follow your purpose, many times, you need to go through some of these challenges because these challenges are the necessary force, the message, they help you build the necessary soul force, muscle resilience so that you can become the person that is capable of fulfilling the mission.

So have the conversation with my father. We didn't speak for two years, felt so alone. So abandoned by the universe. I felt this dream. I felt this desire to come to America, to go into personal development. And yet here I was stuck, no money, no college education, no support for my family. And I said a. And I said universe, if everything I've read is real, all of these spiritual books or manifestation.

If, if this stuff really works, I need your help right now. The next day I was in the library [00:15:00] at school and I'm there sitting, going universe. I need some help. Someone gives me a magazine called the economist. I never read the economist. I felt chills in my body. I look in the back of the magazine. It says the American government's given me 55,000 green cards in the green card lottery.

That's when I felt some thing, you know, that feeling we sometimes feel when we feel like there's something strange happening and. I applied through the law firm and a longer story, shorter ended up winning a green card in the green card lottery. And that's what really made me feel the sense that so long as I follow my truth so long as I fell on my soul so long as I really don't compromise, what is, what is authentic inside of my being, not for fame, for friendship, for money, for anything.

If I'm true to that, if I'm aligned with that, then the universe supports me and I've seen that throughout my life. And I want a green card at the age of 18. 19 came to the us. Two suitcases knew no one in the country, and that began, [00:16:00] began my journey with.

[00:16:02] Hala: Wow. This is such a really special, powerful story.

I have like, just chills listening to you. Tell this story. So thank you so much for sharing. First of all, there's a couple big lessons here. People that love, you may not actually know the best path for you. Only, you know, the best path for yourself. And sometimes it's just getting started, which is what brings on the challenges.
Like you said, it was, it's not like you like announced that your dad and then everything was just easy. You noticed that your dad, and then that's when the obstacles started because you were going on your true path. And sometimes, you know, that takes a lot of hard work. It doesn't just like fall naturally.

[00:16:40] Hala: So I think that's really interesting. So talk to us about, you know, you said you were in America. How did you know that personal development was where you wanted to focus? I know you did a lot of reading as a child. So how did you know that was like, kind of where you wanted to get started? Yeah,

[00:16:55] Kute: it really started from a very young age because I go into my father's bookshelf and
[00:17:00] he had all of these books and my father, even though he had these churches, it's very mystical.

It was very spiritual, less religious, more spiritual. And so I would see literally 3000 books on his bookshelf of people like Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, uh, check the giveaway in some old school, mystics people that Joseph Murphy and what have you. And so I started reading a lot of these miss Krishna Murti, you know, I started reading a lot of these spiritual books as a kid.

So my first book as an eight year old was checked it away, create the visualization that as a major old blew my mind, the possibility. Through imagination and thinking and thoughts and visualization. We have the power to affect that reality. And as an eight year old, I was in heaven. And so that began a process from eight to, I think, 18 of reading, seven to 800 books from my father's bookshelf and just trying to understand life and the nature of existence and the nature of consciousness.

And why are we here? And so when I was 14 and this is also what affected my decision to leave the [00:18:00] church when I was 14, I started reading people like Tony Robbins and Dan Norman and Louise hay and Jack Canfield. And I'm like, wait a second. These people are impacting lives in hotel rooms, giving seminars, not through religion and not through the church.

Like my mind was blown. Like maybe there's another way. And so I started having visions as a young boy. Coming to American. All of the authors I'd read, lived in Southern California. They live in San Diego, orange county, Los Angeles, maybe San Francisco. And I'm like, this is where I wanted. I want to go into this field.
I want to write books. I want to impact people. I want to speak. I want to inspire people and not in a religious way, and this is what I want to do.

And so what I also started, so I started visualizing and envisioning myself every, every day in the U S what I also started doing that people don't know is I didn't have a lot of money growing up, growing up in the church.

And so my, my bedroom was literally a tiny room with a small bed [00:19:00] that I literally couldn't walk inside. And so my visions were so big of impacting people and inspiring people, but my reality was so small. And so I would sneak into my, because we lived in an apartment that was attached to my father's church.

And so I would sneak into my father's church around. Imagine. 8:00 PM at night, every night. And I stick into my father's church with the lights off and I would speak and give seminars, personal development seminars, based on the information I'd realized, I'd give seminars. There's a 11 year old kid to the empty chairs, visualizing and imagining thousands of people in the room being inspired, crying, and laughing.

And so from probably 11 to 18, people don't know this, but I probably gave two to 3000 seminars before I even started speaking efficiently. And, and that that started. And that's how I knew. And, uh, yeah, when I showed up in LA two suitcases, a kid I got dropped off in [00:20:00] Venice beach, cried my eyes out for about two weeks being by myself.

You know, the reality isn't always as romantic as the fantasy found a small apartment that was making. I dunno, 250 200 square feet, uh, pulled a mattress, pull a mattress out of the trash that someone threw about to sleep on. Okay. Uh, because I had no money and I knew I couldn't go back, but I was, you know what,

there's a freedom that comes from living your truth.

There's a power and a freedom that comes from knowing that you are on the right path and not compromising yourself anything or anyone. And even though I had nothing, there was such an internal feeling of knowing I had myself, I wasn't betraying myself. And that, that fueled me forward. You know, that gave me a lot of strength to move forward.

One thing I would just invite people to sit with that I think might help people in the consideration also is I think one of the things that stops us from really breaking through one of the things that stops us from really [00:21:00] changing our lives and, and creating. Are all the lies that we tell ourselves. I think in so many ways as human beings, we are constantly lying to ourselves about who we are, about what we feel about what we want in order to preserve our identity, keep ourselves comfortable, be loved, to be liked, and we ended up betraying ourselves.

And so I think

[00:21:21] Kute: if someone's wondering, well, how do I start? How do I begin? What do I do? What's the first step I can take. I would tell everyone really just sit with yourself and ask yourself these three questions. Number one, what lies am I telling myself? What lies am I telling myself in so many ways we like.

The relationship we'll rent. Maybe you're in a relationship and you know, it's not right, but you stay because what will people think? Or you stay because you don't want to hurt someone. I didn't want to have my father. Maybe you're working a job that you know, is not the reason. It's not the purpose for why you're born, but you stay out of comfort at a security out of safety, and yet it's burning you up [00:22:00] inside and you feel that there are so many more gifts that you long to give and it hurts and not give it it's painful to not give those gifts.

And so what lies am I telling myself? I think we have to start with the willingness to tell ourselves the truth. The second question for people to sit with is what am I pretending to not know in so many ways I've seen that we play this game of confusion. Like, I don't really know what my purpose is. I'm confused.

I'm not sure. I don't know if this relationship is right for me. I'm not sure, but deep down we really. We know deep down, but sometimes there's a fear of really acknowledging the clarity about knowing, because with knowing and truth comes responsibility of having to do something about it, you know? And so here's what I invite people to really sit with is tell the truth, but take the pressure off of having to even take action.

Sometimes the pressure of having to take action freaks us out. So we play this game of confusion because if I'm confused, then I don't have to end this relationship. If I'm confused and I don't have to. So [00:23:00] take action on my purpose. Cause I don't know what my purpose is, so it's better to stay confusion, then take action and fail and risk the failure.

But if I'm confused and I can always have the hope of the future fantasy. So what am I pretending to not know, but also lastly, I would invite people to sit with what is it costing? What are the lies costing, and to be willing, to feel the pain of the lies in so many ways, one of the ways we perpetuate our living less than our truth, living less than our full potential is we feel pain.

Like this is something I'm feeling pain, but we just, we, we distract ourselves from it. We busy ourselves from drinking the way we sex or the way we've social media and the way we shop it away, whatever it is. So we don't have to feel the pain. But what I want people to know is that if you're feeling pain in your life, the pain is a signal.

The pain is a gift. The pain is a message of the pain is simply trying to communicate something to you to get your attention, to show you. We are not fully [00:24:00] aligned. And as you can just use the pain, not as something bad or to run away from, but use the. To as feedback to, we calibrate yourself to bring yourself more in touch with your truth and your heart, then you can start making changes.

[00:24:13] Hala: This is really, really powerful. I get a lot of questions from listeners who always ask me Hala, how can I find my true calling? How do I know my purpose? How do I know what business to start or what I should do with my life? What about people who don't know what their true calling is to your point, and really feel like they don't have any guidance.

What's your advice to them?

[00:24:35] Kute: Let's go a couple of ways. I'm going to kind of start a little big picture, more spiritually. Cause that's kinda my perspective. Then I'm going to break it down into something. Practical steps. First thing I would say, and this is strange coming from someone that helps people find their purpose, right?

This is what I do. I'm gonna just tell people, stop trying to find your purpose. Stop trying to find your purpose first on a spiritual level, and we're going to then we'll [00:25:00] break it down. The reason I stay up, stop trying to find your purpose. As I want you to realize that you are a soul having a human experience.

So essentially every moment of your life, every second of your life, every breath of your life, every relationship, every single experience that you go through is your purpose. If you are a soul, you incarnate into this human experience to learn, grow, and evolve. I like to say that life is a university for your soul and every experience, every relationship with every situation is part of your soul's learning and curriculum.

If the purpose of life is your evolution and learning the lessons, then every moment so long as you're learning the lessons and you're growing and evolving through every situation, every moment is your purpose. So there's no moment. That's not your purpose. So understanding that spiritual, if you're growing and you're learning and evolving and asking yourself, why did I check the situation?

Why did I take this? But what is my soul seeking to learn in this job, in this X, even if it's not your dream job and what you'd like to be [00:26:00] doing for the rest of your life. What is my soul seeking to learn from my boss? What is my soul seeking to learn in with my teammates? What is my soul seeking to learn and learn those lessons we live in your purpose, no matter what you're doing.

So your purpose isn't necessarily what you're doing. So just get van as a whole first

now to get a bit more spiritual, a bit more personal, stop seeking your purpose. Again. The reason I say that again, a second time is sometimes the ego wants to seek 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, seek and not find the job of the ego is to keep seeking because seeking is part of what perpetuates the ego's sense of identity.

It doesn't want to find. And so the whole game of seeking one's purpose can often be never-ending. So here's what I would tell them. Simply start where you are exactly as you are, because we're always kind of postponing things into the future. When I'm more healed. When I have enough money, when I have another certificate, when I'm, it's like, no, stop, simply start where you are and take a [00:27:00] step, go in the direction of what lights you up, go in the direction of what terms you want going direction of what brings you joy during the direction of what lights your soul, what you like move in that direction.

That direction may not be your end destination, but if you simply try to figure out your purpose from the sidelines and your come evolution, you may never find your purpose. Because what I found is when. Going to the direction and you take a step, you lean in and you take a step. You don't have to know where you're going, but if you lean in and you take a step, that's one thing we have to, I think let go of is the idea of, we got to figure it out upfront because purpose is also evolutionary that as you evolve and grow, your purpose will shift and change.

So if you try to figure out your purpose from standing on the sidelines and figure it out from here, you will often never figure it out. But if you take a step and you move forward, then what happens is life reveals to you often, what's next in the process of living life itself, you take a step like shows you what's next.

You take a step. Slide shows you [00:28:00] what what's next, but in the process of each step, you learn more. You become more, you evolve more, you expand more, you develop the mental, the emotional, the spiritual muscle, the skillset that prepares you more for what's next. And so if you don't take those steps, you don't develop the skill sets.

You don't develop the maturity. You don't develop the consciousness to be able to handle more, but take the step like shows you take the step light shows you. And what I found this. You will often end up all of a sudden five years, 10 years, eight years, six years, three years from now living into your purpose going, wow, I'm actually living my purpose.

It wasn't, maybe it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I thought I was going to be an actor. I thought I was going to be a corporate. This, I thought I was, but here is what I'm doing. Everything I did along the way, that wasn't necessarily my dream job or expression, there were necessary, uh, learnings that I needed to get along the way.

So that, that, that I could be around it being to be able to fulfill what I'm doing now.

[00:28:57] Kute: So number one, ask [00:29:00] yourself, what do I love? What lights me up? What lights me up? What inspires me? What do I love to do? What would I do for free and start moving in that direction? But that alone is not enough because look, I love formula one, but I'm never going to be Lewis Hamilton in this lifetime.

That's just kind of reality. But dude has been doing it since he was two years old, you know? And so love is great. Moving. But don't get attached to what it's going to look like. Don't get attached to, I have to be a race car driver, because there's many things in that field of what you might love. What do I love?

Number two, what skill sets do I have? What tangible skill sets do I have based on my life experience, this is why I say everything you've been through. Even jobs you've been through that you didn't understand. There's probably something there that you needed to learn that can help you in your ultimate expression.

So if you don't do that, if you don't go there, because that's not my purpose, that you don't learn what you need to learn and you won't be ready for what you're really here to do. Look at the tangible skills because you need tangible skills. Number three, ask [00:30:00] yourself what unique gifts am I capable of solving?

I think we all have unique abilities and I think the ability, as you know, and I'm sure you teach the ability to make money, it's not just about how do I make money. It's about adding value. We add value when we solve someone's pain problem or challenge. Money is simply the energetic exchange for solving someone's pain problem or challenge.

And so I think when we really look at okay, what pain problem or challenge am I able to solve? What pain public challenge later, what pain pump, what challenge you might uniquely able to solve and go out and solve those pain problems or challenges by being of service, really specifically adding tangible, specific value.

So look at that as a third question. And lastly, I'd invite people to look at and consider what group of people. If you look in the world, what group of people do I feel a connection to do? I feel an affinity. If you're like, well, I don't know who to serve. Maybe you feel drawn to people that are blind, maybe feel drawn to single mothers.

Maybe you feel drawn [00:31:00] to the homeless or the elderly, or, you know, a certain group or ethnicity or animals or whales just begin serving that group of people, you know, begin making a difference in their life. Just gravitate in that direction because that, that resonance, that pull that connection to that group of people, that affinity is also maybe pointing you in the direction of who you're here to serve.

And so I just invite people. Don't wait for a special moment or a special date begin where you are right now. Exactly as you are. And just start by responding to the need in the moment. A lot of people, they want to impact the world. They want to impact millions of people. They want to do the shoes thing, but right in front of them, someone is in need of.

And we don't give that help because we think it's not important to us. You know, we think just not making much of a difference. We think it's not big enough, but if we don't stop there, if we don't start with one, then how do we help two? We don't start with two. How do we help four? We don't start with four.

How do we help [00:32:00] 10? And I believe when you start with one, you're able to help to be able to help for you. And it just expands and goes from there.

[00:32:07] Hala: Okay.

That was the best answer to how do you find your purpose that we've ever had on this podcast by far? So great job with that. Let's talk about the Genesis of your book.

So your mother passed away in 2017. And you say that she surrendered in the most giving way. So how did her passing help influence you write this new book?

[00:32:26] Kute: Yeah, you know, the book was, was, was not on my radar to write. This was not the book that I plan to write.

Even when she passed away, you know, in 2016 I was traveling. On a high, because my first book you are, the one was a bestseller and I was traveling. I was navigating. And then I get a phone call. Life has a way of humbling, you know, and I get a phone call from my father, says, your mother has cancer. You need to come and see her.

And so I was living in Los Angeles and I started to fly back and forth from LA to London every month, literally [00:33:00] every four weeks to be with my mother for a week during her chemo sessions. And I fly back and forth and I just sit with her and be with her. It was interesting because I went back with the intention that I was going to be here with my mother.

I was going to get her better. I was going to save her life. I was going to feed force, feed her, you know, green juice and vegetables and alternative therapies. And after a few weeks of being with her and sitting with the doctors, I honestly began to realize that she's going to die. I really started to realize that is it.

I realized there's nothing. I do no amount of meditation and prayer. Going to keep her alive. And I began a process of letting them go. I began a process of grieving. I began a process of letting go of control, at least the control I thought I had, which I really didn't have. And, and, and, and that began when I stopped resisting the fact that my mother was going to die.

It began to [00:34:00] free me up to be with her fully. It began to free me up to save every single moment that I had with her, because, because I wasn't resisting, I realized every moment I had with my mother could actually be the last time I ever see her. Every text was, was maybe the last text. Every conversation was maybe the last conversation.

It was real. I, I, I really just surrendered. And I said, this could be it. And so that really got me in touch with the preciousness of each moment. And. In a strange way. It was a gift because I got to spend eight hours with my mother and chemo sessions. So fully present. I realized I hadn't spent eight hours straight with my mother since I was a kid, because I was too busy, running around trying to help the world make a difference, but I didn't make time for my mother.

And it was very humbling. And I sat in the night I had, I was filled with a lot of regrets because I asked myself, why did I wait until she was nine to just sit and [00:35:00] sit with her and just be with her? Because we think we got time. We think tomorrow, we think, and I realized that we don't, we really don't know when that moment's going to come.

And so I got to be with her. And that year, that turned out to be the worst year of my life in the beginning. 'cause I just got to sit with her and sip a cup of tea and talk about nothing and take a walk in the park and shoot the breeze and watch her, you know, washing the dishes and just holding her hand became the best year of my life.

And, and I remember there was a day when I looked to my mother and I said, mom, this is going to sound strange, but I think I've learned something can I said to her, I never forget that moment. I said to my mother, like, I really thank you cancer for bringing us to this level of closeness. I wish it didn't have to be this moment, but I really thank

And that was a [00:36:00] moment of surrender for me. And weeks later, the doctors told her, cause she was supposed to have an operation chemo. She was doing chemo. The doctors told her that there's nothing else we can do. And in a nice way, they say basically you're going to die. So get your things in order. And. No nothing prepares you for that moment.

When the push you love the most is no longer. I mean, my mother loved me and in this Shimon lifetime, I know what love is because of her. Like, I have been loved as a human being and I looked to my mother and I said to her, this was maybe the Genesis of the book. You know, this whole experience was, I think prepping me.

But I said to her, are you afraid? Are you afraid of dying? This is like right after the doctor said, you're going to go to die. I mean, this is, you know, a lot of times we read books, I'm like, yes, I'm in the net. And, but when you're faced with death in reality, that's something else. And she said, she looks me in the eyes, this Japanese woman.

And she says, no, I'm not [00:37:00] afraid because I know I'm not this body. I know that this body is just honestly a temporary vehicle for my soul. And I'll be with you guiding you from the other side. So don't. And, and you know, no cameras around, no, no Instagram, like just me and her complete trust in life. then I said, mum, is there anything I can do for you?

What can I do for you to make your FA like, I want it to be a good son. What can I do to make your final days comfortable? Do you want to go somewhere? Can I buy you something? Like, what do you need? And she said, there's nothing I want. And there's nothing I need. I said, well, what kind of, what, what do you need?

What do you want? And she said, it wasn't so much a religious statement, but, but I really got what she said. She said, the only thing I want is what God wants for my life. And in that moment, I was so humbled because I realized that she was in complete surrender. She wasn't attached to being. She wasn't attached to die.

She was just open to her soul journey, whatever that [00:38:00] was. And that's why during the shift, I saw that she was so free. She didn't feel like a victim. She didn't cry. And she was a very emotional woman. She didn't feel resistant. She was really at peace and happy. And I saw that surrender was the key to her freedom.

And so that year left me so many gifts in her example. Of how she lived life to surrender, even in the most difficult moments because she wasn't resisting life.

And then when I started to think about the book I was going to wait, I thought I was going to write some other fancy, sexy, you know, book that would be a great New York times bestseller that everybody would want.

And I remember having like a hundred ideas on a poster board of books I thought would sell not. And I was trying to force a book to be something that I thought it should be. Cause I thought this would be a bestseller. None of those felt true. None of those felt right. When all of a sudden the one word of the hundreds that I wrote on this whiteboard was surrender.

I'm not, I don't want to write [00:39:00] a book about surrender. I mean, it's like, it's like going to the dentist, you know, who wants that? Nobody wants to let go, but we know we should, but we don't want to. And I felt this undeniable, knowing that there's, there might be what I want. But there's the book that's seeking to be written.

And the book that seeking to be written is the book about surrender. And so I had to surrender to the book about surrender that was seeking to be written. And that's when everything flows, the ideas flow, the agent flowed, the publish, everything started flowing. And I felt like my entire life had really, when I looked at my life with my dad and my mom and my childhood, my whole life had prepared me to write this book about surrender in a certain way.

And everything just went boom. And the download happened and I started reflecting on the great ones that I respected because sometimes we think that surrender is weak. Then if you surrender, it's weak, it's passive. It's going to be a victim, a doormat left behind you. Won't manifest your goals, dreams, desires, [00:40:00] if in a world where you just have to kind of like make shit happen and crush it and push it.

And I, and, and when I really reflected on the great ones, I really surrender is not. Like what, what if through surrendering, you didn't get less, you got more, more than you could imagine that surrender was perhaps the most powerful thing you can do. And when I looked at Jesus and Buddha and Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali and Mandela and Martin Luther king, I'm like, damn, they all surrendered.

They also rendered themselves to a vision that was bigger than themselves. They also rented themselves to life. They also rendered themselves to their soul and that's when they transcended their own human ego limitations and life began to move through them and use them and look what happened. They moved to fricking world.

Even the fact that they're dead, they've still impacted the world. And that's when I realized that surrender is the key to greatness. Surrender is the password to freedom. And so that's for [00:41:00] me, part of the invitation that I want to give people. It's a new way of living. Cause I think in the old paradigm, we've been conditioned to ask ourselves that the ego-based paradigm is all about making life happen and what, what do I want?

Right. What do I want the thing is, yeah. Sometimes you might, you can make life happen on your own terms, which is okay. It's great. It's respectable. But many times you get what you thought you wanted only to be dissatisfied. Like, is this it? Or you get what you thought you wanted based on who you thought you were only to realize that what you thought you wanted, it was not what you really wanted.

It was just what you thought you wanted based on who you thought you were. And many times your goals and the goals that we set can be a projection of unmet needs from childhood. Like if I can just get this car and this body and this thing and this car, then I'm going to be enough. Cause I wasn't when I was five years old.

And so I think for me, the question when it comes to surrender is a new paradigm that I'd love people to connect. Surrender is powerful. So when there's possibility, [00:42:00] surrender was the next level surrender, his greatness surrender, not as a passive thing as an active process. Surrender in the question is really about not asking yourself the question, what do I want, but ask yourself a different question.

What is it that life seeking to express through me? What is the deepest impulse of what life, this intelligence things already living and breathing. We're all being lived and breathed by some intelligence that's bigger than ourselves. It is part of what we are, what is that? Life is seeking to express to me and to have the willingness to align ourselves with that deeper impulse with that deeper truth.

Because I think when we do that's when magic happens. And so just to be clear, surrender, letting go of control. So when they're not trying to force life to fit into your limited idea, surrender is living with an open.
So

[00:42:51] Hala: I have a couple of questions about surrender to make sure my audience can totally understand what this says.

So when we think of surrender, we often think of [00:43:00] letting go. And sometimes that can be weak. That can be seem passive. It can feel like we're just letting life happen instead of making it happen. Like you said, which is part of our heroic individualism as Americans to want to just make things happen.

Right? So tell us why surrendering is actually not weak and why it's actually the most powerful thing that we can do.

first. I just want to say the surrender was a natural process for us as human beings. Just, I just wanna say surrender is the process of life.

[00:43:31] Kute: Every surrender is actually hardwired into our physiology. You will breathe in. We have to breathe out. No one just Reeves it. So surrender with every breath is a surrender to me. This is life reminding us of the process of surrender, you know? And so look, I think so when it takes a lot of courage because it requires the willingness to let go of what's not aligned.

It requires the [00:44:00] willingness to let go of what's not authentic. It requires the willingness to let go of what's not true. And that is not weak. It requires the willingness to let go of device. We're telling ourselves. And so I think the next level of our lives as human beings,

that comes a moment in our life, that we all reach where the life that we're living is too small for what we're seeking to become most of us in that moment, what we tend to do.

Is we, we, we hold on to what we know out of field, out of comfort, out of safety at a familiarity, because why? Because it works. Why do you keep doing it? Because it's working, wasting the relationship because it works, but I'm unhappy why you keep doing that business because it works, but I'm not feeling alive.

And so sometimes we even get caught up in the trap of success. We keep doing something because we've done it. And everyone knows us to be that we get reinforced for it. And it say, but with fricking miserable and we're no longer growing, we're not evolving. We're not [00:45:00] alive anymore. We're not even living our purpose anymore anymore.

We're just phoning it in. We're just existing. And so I think the courage it takes to see, you know, what. This is not aligned. This is not true. This is not who I am today. And the courage it takes to say, you know what, I'm going to let go. So the next level of your life requires the next level of you. And the next level of you requires that you let go of Westmont line.

And I think when you let go of, what's not aligned instead of holding on that's when you begin to make the space for the new that's, when you begin to make the space for new relationship, new possibilities, new opportunities, and new blessing, you know? And so I think if we want magic, we have to be willing, truly willing to surrender.

But part of surrender requires I'll say it grieving because surrender is a death. It's a death of your, and so it takes courage. And I think one thing that people often miss in the letting go in the [00:46:00] surrender is the willingness to grieve. It's the willingness to grow. And that is a necessary key in the process of
[00:46:07] Hala: surrender.

[00:46:08] Hala: And I just think of anything that you would surrender to you like a relationship that's not working. Like that's going to be tough. It's not going to be easy, a job that you make a lot of money with that everybody knows you for letting that go is not going to be easy. So something that you alluded to that I really want to dig deeper on is this concept of surrender, allowing us to imagine bigger and dream bigger.
How is that?

[00:46:30] Kute: So, yeah. Okay. So, so I think look, many times when we set a goal, we're like, okay, I want to make this happen, right? This is what I want. The challenge is many times we're setting goals from the level of the mind, from the level of identity, from the level of ego, from the level of personality, the challenge is this sense of who we are or who we think we are [00:47:00] is based on the conditioning from the past.

The conditioning from childhood, the conditioning from parents, the conditioning from grandparents, the conditioning, from what you were told, that what I was told from our ancestors, from media, from Sesame street, from television, from friends, from family, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And so when we set goals from the limited, from the mind, it can often be limiting.

This is what we want. This is what it's got to be. This is the person that I need to marry. How many times. And this is just for folks listening. How many times have you thought you've looked in a relationship in a, I really, this is the one I really want this person, like, I'm going to marry this person.

We're going to make it happen. And we kind of force something to be that really quite isn't. And you couldn't imagine not being with that person, but maybe five years later, you broke up. You were sad, but five years later you look back and you're like, thank God that didn't work out so many times in a particular moment from our lens of our [00:48:00] own egos identity.

We're not able to see the whole picture. The ego's only able to see a small piece of the infinite tapestry and the possibilities and the potentiality of the unfolding of life. And so when you surrender rather than getting attached, rather than trying to force, there is an openness, there is an availability, there is a willingness to be open to all of life rather than focusing and fixating on one small point.

Like it's got to be this we're open to all of life to say yes. Okay. You can still set goals, What do I really feel is authentic? Not what my parents want, not what so-and-so, this is what's true. And move in that direction. So I'm not saying don't take action.

I'm not saying don't set goals for your truth and set a goal and go in that direction. Give a hundred percent, but don't get attached to the outcome because sometimes what you think he wants, not simply what is fully aligned or what is for your highest. So you go in that direction without attachment and remain [00:49:00] open.

And that's, that's the key. When you're open, then there's the space. Then you hold the space for life to show up, you hold the space for magic to show up, look at someone like Mandela. I don't think Mandela could have imagined that I'm going to go down this path and I'm going to spend 26 years, 27 years in prison.

And that's going to be part of my journey to being one of the greatest, most influential figures on the planet. You can't plan that kind of magical impact. You can't plan that that's not plannable, you know, so I think some of the best things that happen, some of the best things that we manifest in our lives, the things that we didn't even really plan, they just, um, they happen in the process of following the path of our life.

[00:49:48] Hala: So the other concept I want to really uncover and unpack deeper is suffering, right? So let's talk about what suffering is and how we avoid suffering in [00:50:00] this life.

[00:50:01] Kute: I think in life, we all are going to have an experience of pain. We all have had an experience of suffering, but I would just say simply put that there is a difference between suffering and pain.

Pain is just. When someone dies, it's painful. When my mother died, it was painful. When my mother died, there was grief. When my mother died, there were tears. Pain is just the natural part of being human it's unavoidable. I thought pain, youthful Bain, maybe the date alarm, a false pain. If he falls down pain is just the part of the human process.

Suffering is really what happens when you're either in resistance to what's happening, or you have a narrative that the experience that I'm experiencing is not the experience that I should be experiencing. So in a certain sense, in any amount of suffering, when you're suffering in temp, you're feeling pain with an [00:51:00] additional emotionality within the additional judgment that the experience I'm having is not the experience I should be having.

I should be having some other experience than the experience I'm having that triggers. And so I think what we have to be aware of is the narrative and the story and the meanings that we're making up about the experience that we're going through, because that's what creates suffering rather than just experiencing what we're experienced and experiencing the pain about the experience that will come through.

[00:51:31] Hala: So you have two formulas in your book that I think summarize this well, surrender plus trust equals magic and control plus resistance equals suffering. So I think you summarized that really well. Let's talk about the difference between the ego and the soul. Can you compare and contrast?

[00:51:48] Kute: Oh, look, ego is not some huge thing.

Ego. We all have an ego human beings. I think as a human being, we all need an ego just to function. Ego is just a vehicle with which be functioned for. [00:52:00] And so ego is simply, it's not a thing. And I don't think it's really an issue. Ego is more, uh, it is the process of memory. Feelings emotions, traumas, but conditioning based on the past that we tend to hold onto and identify as ourselves.

And the more we identify with the thoughts, the beliefs, the stories, the emotions as me, the more let's say attached, we are to our ego. And so what we have to realize this, all those things, feelings, emotions, thoughts, none of those are really who or what we are. That's not what we are, but because we get attached to it and we live that way and we go through life attached to that identity.

We think that Sylvia, and so the job of the ego is to reinforce its existence. The job of the ego is to be in control. And so. I would just say, realize that you [00:53:00] are not the thoughts. You are not the emotions you are not the past. You are not the stories.

What, what is an infinite being, what you are, is sold and sold. This consciousness soul is infinite. So there's beyond birth. So there's beyond death and we are also I'm. So you are so, and I think when we really realize what we are as soul, we tap into another level of power, another level of possibility, another, another level of grace.

And I think that's the magic when you realize our true identity, you know, as, so

[00:53:30] Hala: how do you know if you're making decisions based on your ego or your soul? Are there telltale signs?

[00:53:37] Kute: Usually there is a resonance and a feeling there's a resonance and a feeling that many times when something is aligned, you will often feel a different feeling in your body.

Like it's coming from a different place. You will often feel a different [00:54:00] sensation in your body because when you're deciding from your ego, you will often be in your mind trying to understand, trying to spin, trying to analyze, trying to figure things out, ran around and around, around, around, and you won't feel any sense of

peace, but when you're coming from your soul, it doesn't mean the decision won't be painful or challenging, but there will often be a deeper sense of knowing a deeper, a different texture or quality of feeling of this feels, right. There'll be a sense many times of this is the direction or the energy.

What life is. And if you allow yourself to just kind of slowed down and be still and actually feel, where is, [00:55:00] where is life moving? Where is life guiding me? You will often feel there's a certain subtle, slow, or movement to life. That's like, feels like the flow is going over here. Just feels maybe you're you might want to go left, but it just feels that there's a kind of flow.

And so I think when we have to learn to do is to not sort of impose our projection on what we think should be happening, but learn to step back and feel the flow of. And align our decisions with that deeper flow. It won't always make sense to your mind in the moment when you're making that decision.

And many times those decisions from soul won't come from a logical understanding. They'll come from a deeper part of your life. It doesn't make sense, but this feels right. Go with that. One of the [00:56:00] ways we stop ourselves from tapping into that deeper intuition and decision-making is with constantly second guessing and questioning

Instead, trust that deeper flow trust, that deeper sensation. allow life to lead you. And I think that's part of surrender is the willingness to allow life, to show you allow life to lead you. So it's the willingness. To give up the need to know and understand what everything means, the willingness to know and understand what does this mean?

What does mean, what does mean? What is it will keep you in ego and limitation trying to figure life out. And I think life is beyond many times beyond the understanding, beyond the figuring out, you know, it's beyond the math equation. And so if you're willing to say, okay, I'm willing to embrace the unknown, the degree of freedom.

I found the degree of freedom you experienced in life is in direct proportion with your willingness to embrace the unknown. And when you can let go of the need to [00:57:00] know the need, to know where you're going, they need to know what this needs and what's going to happen. And yet there's a freedom that opens up.

When life starts to show livestock to show you because you're not pushing life or a relationship or something to be something that you want it to be. You're allowing the organic truth of a situation to show you. What's real to show you. What's a mind. That's when you're living in flow, flow is not that everything always goes in your goes your direction or goes how you think it should be.

And so I think the willingness to say, okay, I don't know. And I don't need to know and trust that trust that. Something inside of you then even when you don't know, there's an intelligence side of you that knows. And there were, we're all being guided by. And sometimes some of the, some of the decisions you end up making in a particular moment that don't make sense if you make a decision, because it's true because you're like, you know what?

I don't want to do this, but this feels right. What [00:58:00] often only makes sense down the road a year, two, three years from now when the entire picture falls into place.

And then you say, now I understand

And that's, I think part of the beauty of life, because many times, even when we think we know where we're going, like how many times folks listening, how many times. Perhaps, uh, things not gone according to plan, but they've worked out better than you could imagine, Brett, like you like it didn't go.

[00:58:31] Kute: According to plan, you thought the whole world was coming to an end, but it went better. It went better than you could imagine. And if we look back and I think what's interesting now as a humanity, I think we're in a very pivotal moment as a humanity. I think we are being, shall we say, initiated into, as humanity live in surrender?

I think we're all in a global seminar. Of surrender, right? We're in a surrender training because 2020 here, we all have these amazing plan. 2020. Yeah. We're going to add [00:59:00] boom. Like maybe we weren't in as much control as we thought. And I think that's part of the evolution process and perhaps what life has been teaching us this last couple of years, you know, maybe you're not as in control and there's a deeper intelligence.

And what happens when you surrender to the deeper intelligence of life and allow life to show you allow life to guide you. And I think that's, we're moving into a new way of living. That's much more in harmony and in flow with life. Like, you know, you look at Bruce Lee, everyone wants to be like Bruce Lee.

He's a cool dude, but this is a guy that lifts surrender, but most people want to be like Bruce Lee, but they don't want to surrender. And just as an example, Bruce Lee was the guy that said, there's an interview where he talks about, if you want to really be powerful, you have to. Be like water, you put water into a tea cup, it becomes a tea cup.

They put water into a pot, becomes the pot, be like water. And so to me, that is [01:00:00] what flow is being like water being.

but what I will say, just to clarify it is you can make it doesn't mean don't make a plan, right? It doesn't mean don't set goals. It doesn't mean don't strategize. But what I'm first saying is first connect with who you are, connect with your truth, connect with what's real connect with your soul.

[01:00:21] Kute: Take that time to listen, to align with what's true. Not just what you think you should be doing based on your ego and your mind and your parents and your conditioning connect with what's true. So that you're absolutely not compromising yourself when you connect with what's true. What is life seeking to express through me?

You can make a plan and a strategy that is aligned with what your true, authentic soul and guidance the same, then the plan supports the fulfillment of your truth. Then you're in flow. Then you're working in harmony with nature rather than an ego.

[01:00:57] Hala: Totally makes sense. So, as we wrap up [01:01:00] this interview, I asked some of the same questions at the end of the interview to all my guests, and we do some fun things at the end of the year with us.

So what is one actionable thing our listeners can do today to become more profitable tomorrow?

[01:01:14] Kute: Um, I would just say really focus on this question. How can I be of service? How can I be of service and reach out to people and ask, how can I serve you? What specific ways can I serve you? If you have clients, how can I say.

Friends and family community, how can I serve? And don't wait for someone to give you that opportunity. Just begin finding places that you can be of service and start. I would just say start, I love

[01:01:42] Hala: that advice. And what is your secret to profiting in life?

[01:01:46] Kute: uncompromisingly following my inner guidance by doing that.

I've made a lot of money by doing that. I have been guided to buy real estate and land in strange [01:02:00] places and, you know, profit it's usually when people thought I was crazy. And I mean, I could give you stories and stories, but the willingness to say I will uncompromisingly follow my soul's guidance and be true to that.

When I, whenever I've done that, that's when magic house.

[01:02:20] Hala: And where can our listeners go to learn about you and everything that you do,

[01:02:23] Kute: website Kute blackson.com. You can find that everything where, uh, my book is they're doing a special event, uh, called reinvent. You can find out about their, uh, about that on the website as well.
And Amazon is where the magic of swim is available. And Instagram, Facebook say hi.

[01:02:42] Hala: Awesome. So I'm going to stick all those links in the show notes. Thank you so much. This was such a great interview. I enjoyed it so much. Thank you so much for everything.