Heather Monahan: Overcome Your Haters | E182
Heather Monahan: Overcome Your Haters | E182
[00:00:00] Heather Monahan: Some people say the Metaverse will only be virtual, but one day in the Metaverse doctors will practice high risk surgeries hundreds of times before they operate on real patients, and students will be transported to Ancient Rome and Saturns rings. Improving health outcomes, learning, and more. The Metaverse may be virtual, but the impact will be real.
[00:00:23] Learn more about what beta is building for the metaverse at meta.com/metaverse.
[00:00:31] Hala Taha: You're listening to YAP, Young and Profiting Podcast, a place where you can listen, learn and profit. Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Hala Taha, and on Young and Profiting podcast. We investigate a new topic each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world.
[00:00:49] My goal is to turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your everyday life, no matter your age, profession, or industry. There's no fluff [00:01:00] on this podcast and that's on purpose. I'm here to uncover value from my guests. By doing the proper research and asking the right questions. If you're new to the show, we've chatted with the likes of ex-FBI agents, real estate moguls, self-made billionaires, CEOs, and bestselling authors.
[00:01:17] Our subject matter ranges from enhancing productivity, how to gain influence, the arch of entrepreneurship and more. If you're smart and like to continually improve yourself, hit the subscribe button because you'll love it here at Young and Profiting Podcast.
[00:01:33] What is up Young and Profiteers today on YAP.
[00:01:36] Heather Monahan is back. And if you're a longtime listener, there's no doubt in my mind that you know who Heather Monahan is. But for those who may not be familiar, Heather is known as the confidence creator. She's also a keynote speaker and a two time best line author. Her latest book Overcome Your Villains was released in November of 2021.
[00:01:54] Last year, Heather was named a top 50 keynote speaker in the world, and she also is the host of the [00:02:00] podcast Creating Confidence, which is part of the YAP Media podcast network. And fun fact, Heather was my first client ever at YAP Media. She's actually the one that gave me the kick in the butt. I needed to start this company, and now she's one of my dearest friends and mentors.
[00:02:15] Before Heather became a top author and one of the biggest speakers in the world. She climbed the corporate ladder in radio for nearly 20 years until she claimed her spot in the C-suite. She dominated that radio industry as a top female powerhouse during her time there, and she was actually named one of the most influential women in radio in 2018.
[00:02:35] Heather has been featured in USA Today, CNN, Forbes, Fast Company, Gary V's audio Experience, and the Steve Harvey. Heather's been on YAP like four or five times. She joined us in episode number 56 back in February of 2020, and she also joined us for a handful of panel sessions. I hosted back when clubhouse was still a thing.
[00:02:54] This time around I'm having Heather to talk about her latest book, Overcome Your Villains. We talk about standing [00:03:00] up to the haters in our lives. Heather gives us actionable advice to fortify our mindset. She also shares her come up story and we chat about what it means to live aimlessly. And lastly, Heather gives us tips for something she's the absolute best at and that's pitching herself.
[00:03:15] So I love this conversation. And if you've got haters in your life, or maybe you're your own inner haters, struggling with your confidence, this conversation is one. You're gonna wanna pay close attention too.
[00:03:26] Hi Heather. Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.
[00:03:30] Heather Monahan: Hi Hala, so happy to be here.
[00:03:33] Hala Taha: Heather, you're my friends, so this is gonna be really fun.
[00:03:35] I love having my friends on the show. So for those who don't know, you originally joined us two years ago in February of 2020 for episode number 56. I was like a baby podcaster then. And little did I know that after meeting you, that you had actually accelerate the trajectory of my career. And you are known as the confidence creator.
[00:03:53] You're a top LinkedIn influencer, you're a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and executive coach. You're also one of my personal [00:04:00] mentors, and you are actually my first client at YAP Media. You were the one who set everything off. So I'm super excited to talk about your latest book, Overcome Your Villains.
[00:04:09] But first I wanted to share a story with my listeners to kick this off because I think they've heard me talk about this a lot. But essentially, you were my first client. You actually met me, and I remember you were sort of like hounding me on LinkedIn and you were like, Oh my God, Teach me how to do your videos.
[00:04:24] And I kept being like, No, Heather, Like I have an executive job at Disney. I just have a volunteer team. I can't help you. But one thing led to another and you end up being my first client. And you were the one that gave me the idea to start my side hustle. YAP Media, which is now generated over 4 million in revenue.
[00:04:41] I have 60 employees. I have a podcast now. It's like my whole life I feel like took the path that I was supposed to take. But you accelerated it for sure. So I always tell the story, and I think a lot of my loyal listeners know it, but I'd love to hear it from your perspective. Like what did you think of me when you first met me?
[00:04:57] And like, what made you kind of [00:05:00] push me and give me that kick?
[00:05:02] Heather Monahan: Okay. So the way that I remember was, I don't know how we got connected, but you had me as a guest on your show and you and I just hit it off like how you have chemistry with somebody right away. Like I knew I loved you and And then your father passed away, right during that time.
[00:05:18] And so I just remember my heart was breaking for you and I was so worried about you and just reaching out to you to make sure that you were okay as someone. Who had just shown up in my life that I cared about. And I just wanted to know you were okay. And so that's why we started talking more than just around the podcast or whatever initially.
[00:05:36] And so I got to know you better and better. And during that time, we would have different conversations, and I would say, Hala I love your content, your marketing genius. Can you teach me some time how you're doing this stuff for the podcast? And you would, on the weekends, set up calls with me and you're so detail oriented.
[00:05:52] You'd be sending me calendar invites for Saturday at 4:00 PM , and you and I would get on these Google meets [00:06:00] and you would go through all teaching me just out of the kindness of your heart. Hey Heather. This is like this tool that I'm using and this is this tool and this will help you with editing and teaching me all this stuff.
[00:06:11] And finally I was like, Hala. I can't do all this stuff. You just do it for me. I need you to do this for me. And you were like, I can't. I'm so busy. Like the only time I have time is on the weekends and I can't. I'm working around the clock at Disney and I'm like, You know what? Just freaking leave. You need to leave that job and you need to go all in and jump into this.
[00:06:31] This is a business for you. It's crystal clear to me like I saw it so clear. I saw your potential so much greater than what you were. You didn't view it at that time. I could see it. And so I said, I just know that if you make the leap and you jump in, the business is going to come. And for everybody listening right now, like that's a really important moment for anyone.
[00:06:51] Cuz number one, you had the courage to make the leap, right? Which is critical, but you had the willingness to believe like that potential was within you. Now I will [00:07:00] add that. I'll never forget one day I was at the grocery store, I was at Publix in Miami and you called me and you're like. We had been talking about this for a little while, about leaving.
[00:07:10] Like it didn't happen overnight, right? This was a few months.
[00:07:13] Hala Taha: I was doing it for like six months before I left Disney.
[00:07:16] Heather Monahan: Right. So there was months leading up to this, right? She didn't just quit on a whim, but I'll never forget, I'm in Publix and you call and you were frantic and I said, What's going on? And you're like, I don't know, like I'm feeling guilty.
[00:07:28] I kind of, sort of had it, like you started having the conversation that you might be leaving. You kind of like floated it out there and then you were getting feedback. Like, No, you can't, you know, you can't leave. And, and you started panicking and questioning, am I making the right decision? I'll never forget I was getting my son pasta sauce to make him pasta that night.
[00:07:45] I was like, Stand. And I put it down and I was like, Listen to me right now. This is the right decision for you. Do not let them put fear into your mind. Do not let them make you feel guilty. Do not let them talk you out of this. This is about you [00:08:00] putting yourself first and taking the leap. I believe in you.
[00:08:02] I know you can do it. And you did. And I'll never forget that. And I was so glad I picked up in Publix.
[00:08:08] Hala Taha: Oh my gosh. Thank you! Guys. You don't understand. Heather was my angel when my dad was dying. Like I swear, I feel like you came right in the moment. When he started to get sick and then you were so caring and kept following up on me.
[00:08:22] And at the time, like I didn't have any other mentors. I was at Disney and it was a total boys club and like even like my higher apps, even though I was a great worker, they weren't supportive. And so you were like this little angel for me. And I'm so thankful. Thank you for everything. That you've done for me and for getting me to start my company and then getting me to quit my job and everything, both times it was like major acceleration.
[00:08:44] I would've, I feel like it would've taken me another four years had I not met you. So thank you, Heather.
[00:08:49] Heather Monahan: Well, listen, everybody comes into someone's life for a reason. It's up to you if you like, you accept it, or if some people close the door and push people away, right? But I'm grateful for you because not [00:09:00] only I was grateful to be able to have that opportunity to be there for you when you needed me, but then listen, you've repaid me millions of times over in the work that you do for me and the favors that you've done for.
[00:09:10] So it's like in any relationship. There's two sides to that road, right? And it's like, when you need me, I'll be there. And I know that when I need you, you're there for me too. So I'm, I'm grateful for you.
[00:09:19] Hala Taha: 100%. And because you've done so much for me. I'm always thinking like, Well, what can I do for Heather?
[00:09:24] Like, how can, I'm like trying to make you all this. Now you're signed to my podcast network. And I'm like, How can I make Heather rich?
[00:09:31] Heather Monahan: We love that .
[00:09:33] Hala Taha: I love it. Okay, so let's talk about, So you coach dozens and hundreds of people. What are some of the things that get in their way? So for me, I was scared of entrepreneurship because I had all these like bad experiences as a younger girl with entrepreneurship.
[00:09:48] So what are some of the other things that people encounter when it comes to like not being able to follow their dreams?
[00:09:53] Heather Monahan: Typically, it's a story that you're telling yourself like, so I don't know about everyone who's listening, but [00:10:00] I'm sure there's a story somewhere. That you might not even be realizing that you're telling yourself.
[00:10:04] For me, mine was, I had a sister who was really smart. She was a smart one. And so I would tell myself the story that I need to stay in my lane. I'm really good in sales and sales leadership. Like that's all I need to just focus on. Lucky that I'm good at this and I should be grateful for it, and that's my story.
[00:10:19] I need to hang onto. I personally had to be willing to let go of that story to say, Wait, maybe I'm just a talented individual that can show up in different places and try and test different things, and trust that right path is gonna unfold for me. And that for me was like a big leap of faith. And I run into so many people, whether I'm coaching them, whether it's on the podcast or, or whatever, on dms.
[00:10:43] Hearing that people are, it's so clear when they're holding onto some story, that's not serving them at all. And it's just a matter of letting go of that story and taking a chance on themselves like you did.
[00:10:54] Hala Taha: And something that you just mentioned reminded me of something that you always say is like, live blamelessly, like have no [00:11:00] lanes.
[00:11:00] What's the importance of not like settling for just one lane.
[00:11:04] Heather Monahan: Because there's so much more potential for everybody out there. For a long time in my life, I lived a very linear path and for many of us and and anyone listening right now that is in corporate America, nothing bad about corporate America. There's great things out there, but sometimes we get, so we have our head down just in that industry. Just in that role and just that title or just that company.
[00:11:25] It's really important to pick your head up and say. Let's start talking to people outside of this industry. Let's start talking to people who have very different backgrounds in me. Let's start opening our minds up to what other possibilities and potentials are out there. And I'll tell you for 20 something years. When I was in corporate, I spoke for free everywhere as part of my job.
[00:11:43] Had no idea there was a speaking business cuz I hadn't opened up my mind to it. I hadn't been speaking to people in that industry and I used to, people would say to me. You're a gifted speaker, you're so lucky. And I thought, Yeah, great. So what? It's not like that could pay the bills for me. And my [00:12:00] mind was closed.
[00:12:00] I was just looking at this one linear path in front of me. And it wasn't until I decided to blow up those lanes and just go out and see what I could find. But I ended up finding a speaking business and ended up right when all these different doors started opening. So that's my want for people, is that they pick their heads up and start living laneless.
[00:12:19] Hala Taha: It's so true and I think that it's more difficult when you're doing good. Like for example, I had like an executive job at Disney, so that's why I was so blind to my opportunities because I was like, Well what do you mean I could just stay here and become a CMO and it just will take me 20 years. You know, if I just stay here and keep working hard and you don't realize that there's something better if you were just to open your mind.
[00:12:42] And once you do believe that life is limitless. You start to see all these different opportunities, just like you came in my life and we're like, Hala. It's right here. Just take the jump and go for it. So I'd love to learn more about your career journey in case you guys have it listened to episode number [00:13:00] 56.
[00:13:00] I wanna hear your milestones, Heather, cuz I know that you were stuck in a corporate job for many, many years and you could have been an entrepreneur and been a speaker way earlier. So talk to us about your journey and what kind of triggered you to go off on your own.
[00:13:13] Heather Monahan: Yeah, my whole life and career was in corporate America, and that was truly the only, When I was younger, I'm 47.
[00:13:21] When I was younger, there weren't people in the entrepreneurial space. Nobody did that, right? Like Gary V didn't exist back then. And so there was never a messaging that, Oh, this is an opportunity for you. The messaging was always nine to five corporate America, figure it out. So to me, my goals were always very linear, clear that this is where I wanna be successful and this is what I'm gonna do.
[00:13:43] So I never thought about possibilities outside of it. I just thought, get to the C-Suite. Right? That's what what I wanted to get to. So I got to the C-suite. I was in the media business for 20 something years. I was named one of the most influential women in radio in 2017. And then literally a month later, I was [00:14:00] fired unexpectedly when the CEO I had worked for, for 14 years became ill, and he elevated his daughter to replace him.
[00:14:07] That was the end of my corporate journey.
[00:14:09] Hala Taha: Wow. And so like, I just wanna highlight something like you were at the darling of the radio industry. Like Heather was on all these magazine covers. She was speaking everywhere. She's gorgeous. If you guys aren't seeing her on video, like she's absolutely gorgeous.
[00:14:23] What were some of the things that this lady did to you that made you realize that she was like your villain?
[00:14:28] Heather Monahan: Okay, so, well, it's funny, it's more the way that I responded that now that like when I reflect on it. I remember she wasn't very nice to me. Obviously, like, you know, you have great chemistry with some people you don't, with some, she and I were very different, so I used to think, Okay, that's all right.
[00:14:42] But then I started thinking Hala. This was a red flag. And for anyone listening, think about this in your life. I was dialing myself down. I was like, I shouldn't wear my hair down today. Cuz she rolls her eyes when I have my hair down. Okay, I'll put my hair in a bun. I shouldn't wear a dress. I'll wear a pantsuit.
[00:14:58] I started [00:15:00] changing very slowly and quietly who I was in hopes it would appease her and make her feel better. That is the wrong move. Being a brate version of yourself is never the answer. And if you are with people, who do not appreciate and celebrate you for who you are, you are in the wrong, wrong room and you gotta find your people.
[00:15:16] Hala Taha: Yeah, I'm 100%, especially you, like you love to dress up and that makes you feel confident. So essentially you are making yourself unconfident and smaller for this woman.
[00:15:25] Heather Monahan: Bingo! That's exactly it. Right? But I, at the time, I remember I would talk myself into it. Like, Heather, you have such a big job you, I'm a single mom.
[00:15:33] I have so much responsibility. You know, I had built this massive team. I was responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars. I would say to myself, Okay, take your ego out of it. Like I would convince myself this was the right thing, but it was wrong and it never felt right. And the thing is, your intuition is always gonna steer you, right?
[00:15:50] You gotta let dial up that voice journal. Do whatever it takes to spend time alone, go for a walk and things through. How do I feel when I'm around these people? If you're [00:16:00] feeling full of self-doubt and questioning yourself. You are either doing the wrong thing or you're around the wrong people. That was the key to me.
[00:16:07] I ended up, actually, my back went out, like I started losing hair physically. I started responding and in a very negative way because at that point in time. It was like the universe hitting me over the head to say, You gotta get out of the situation.
[00:16:19] Hala Taha: Yeah. And then act there. It actually forced you out of the situation because you didn't leave.
[00:16:23] You ended up getting fired. Do you ever regret like, Man, like I wish I just left on my own accord. Are you just happy the way things turned?
[00:16:31] Heather Monahan: I mean, listen, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. Getting fired is one of the biggest punches in the gut when you're type A overachiever, right? Like I, that was really hard.
[00:16:41] I could know everything that I know now. 10 years ago, I would've quit 10 years ago and gone into the speaking business 100% because I'd be 10 years ahead of where I am. But no, I didn't have that knowledge and I guess things have to play out the way that they're meant to. So listen, the one great moment about getting fired that I love. [00:17:00] I'm so proud of, and I wish we all had a movie of this so that we could watch it right now, cuz I would be cheering younger.
[00:17:05] Along in this, that day I walked in, that woman was full of joy. She was so happy. She was standing, she was power posing. She asked me to sit, right? Like these are all games people play when they're trying to intimidate. And so I sat down, she was standing over me. She's a very tiny, petite woman. She had me sit cuz I'm much bigger than her.
[00:17:25] And so I'm sitting down and she passes two pieces of papers in front of me. I'd seen the movie before, right? I knew it was about to happen. And she said, I'm gonna send this memo out. And it said, Heather's been fired, or I'm gonna send this memo out. And it was a beautiful letter about like how amazing I was.
[00:17:41] And I was moving on to this new journey, right in your ego saying you want the beautiful letter. But she says, You know, in order to get the beautiful letter, you're gonna get a very big check and you have to sign this. And it's this massive document, which is basically a gag clause. And in that moment it was like that was my snapping moment.
[00:17:59] I just [00:18:00] remember looking at the papers, looking at her, looking at the papers and thinking, I didn't write these memos. I'm not signing these memos. And you know what? Like I'm gonna suck all the power outta this room. And I stood up and I smiled and I said, I didn't write the memos. I'm not signing 'em.
[00:18:14] There's nothing else to say. I'm on my way. In that moment, everything changed and her face went from a giant smile to I mean red. Like she wanted to kill me cuz she wanted to control the narrative. She wanted to be holding the pen, telling this story and crafting it the way she saw fit. And when I didn't sign that I could walk out and tell my true story.
[00:18:34] Hala Taha: Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsor.
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[00:23:03] Heather now has a podcast called Creating Confidence. I would highly recommend it. We'll put it in the show notes. You guys gotta check it out. She wrote a number one best selling book called Creating Confidence. Now she has Overcome Your Villains. She's spoken everywhere. What made you feel like you needed to write this book?
[00:23:19] Heather Monahan: Oh my gosh. Responding number one to questions people ask me, right? So people will ask me, How did you get to the C-suite? How did you do this? Like, I wanna let people know, Listen, if I could do it, you can too. Let me give you, I'll give you the cheat sheet, right? Like, don't listen to the bs. Other people are saying who haven't done it.
[00:23:34] Let me break it down for you in the simple steps. One of the big things that I realize now, looking back on my career and my life, nothing amazing happens until you overcome that villain. Like for you, the villain was the corporate job and the security and the safety. Like that was your villain in the moment.
[00:23:52] For me, my villain was myself and my negative self talk and dialing myself down. I had to overcome myself in order [00:24:00] to step into my possibility and power. I started thinking more and more about like, listen, No one's ever gonna reach their greatness. No one's ever going to achieve the potential success that's out there for 'em until they deal with that one nasty villa and everybody's got one.
[00:24:16] And it's about not just acknowledging it by overcoming it.
[00:24:19] Hala Taha: And I love what you're saying. You're saying it's not just only other people, it can be yourself. Sometimes your biggest villain is actually yourself. So the big idea in this is if we don't control our villains, they're gonna control us, right?
[00:24:30] They're gonna control our lives, whether that's ourselves or that's other people who are our villains. So let's talk about how to move beyond these negative people and situations. You have a three step process to overcome challenges. It's called the BAK process. It stands for belief actions and knowledge. Can you give us like the one two minute high level overview and then we'll go deep on it?
[00:24:51] Heather Monahan: I'll give you a real quick. I'll use myself as an example cause it's the easiest to understand. Okay. So when I got fired, the belief I sat with when I immediately got fired [00:25:00] was I've lost everything. I remember walking out and I'm like, I've lost everything. So when you're in that moment and challenge hits, pump the brakes and say, Okay, what's the belief I'm holding?
[00:25:09] I've lost everything. Now dial it that down to the most simplistic shredder fact you can find. So as I dialed it down, I thought I didn't lose my network. I didn't lose my expertise. I didn't lose my friends, my health, my family, my business acumen. Wait a minute, I didn't lose anything. I lost a paycheck.
[00:25:27] That was fact. I did lose a paycheck. So suddenly going from, I've lost everything to, I lost a paycheck. That really helped to close a gap for me to say, Well, I've gotten paychecks from other places before. When you start dialing that belief down to the most simplistic shred of fact. You're gonna get your head in a much better space.
[00:25:44] Number two, immediately take action. And this is where a lot of people get held up. Lucky for me. This is like my action is my wheelhouse, right? So I went immediately to LinkedIn and I put a post up. So take messy action. I didn't write some long beautiful post [00:26:00] I just put out there. Hey Ben Fired. Need your help.
[00:26:02] Like, I'm raising my hand. Here I am. Right? So take messy action. Done will always be better than perfect. And then three knowledge you wanna surround yourself and curate the knowledge that you're accessing and allowing into your life. So that, a great example of this is landing on the Elvis Duran Show someone who's light years ahead of me, much more successful than me speaking truth and life into me telling me, Heather, you're writing a book.
[00:26:24] Had that man not said that to me that day. I don't know where I would be right now. Right? So be really mindful about the people you're accessing information from and never take direction from people who haven't been where you are going.
[00:26:37] Hala Taha: I remember you were telling me that story. I just wanna like touch on that a little bit.
[00:26:40] So Elvis Duran, he's this huge radio personality. Heather was live on air and he just announced that she was writing a book and she had no plans for a book. He just said it and then that was it. Then you became a best selling author. It's like, it's sort of like what you did to me, like when somebody just believes in you and then he just like gave you all that [00:27:00] accountability in front of other people.
[00:27:01] Heather Monahan: Exactly! And, and that's a thing, and this is important for everyone listening, like whenever you feel something like you wanna speak a truth into someone. Do it. Your words are so powerful. You can change the trajectory of someone else's life. So whatever thoughts come into your mind that something positive or encouraging that you can give as a gift to someone, give that gift.
[00:27:19] Because that man totally change the trajectory of my life, my business life, my personal life, everything. By speaking a truth and a belief he had. I had never considered writing a book, but when he had such a conviction and a belief that I could do it and that it was gonna be great. I bought into it.
[00:27:35] And I Googled, How do you write a book?
[00:27:37] Hala Taha: I love that. So while we're on the topic of kind of helping other people, because there's people in our lives and we wanna influence 'em, we wanna help them as well. And sometimes it can be really hard to give advice. And Amy Marin gave you advice before your TED Talk, and she gave you this like sandwich technique to give other people feedback.
[00:27:56] Could you share that with us?
[00:27:57] Heather Monahan: Sure. So the sandwich technique is, [00:28:00] it's a really helpful one. Anytime you're leading teams. You're mentoring people or developing people. Oftentimes people have a hard time taking criticism, right? Like they shut down the minute they hear, Ooh, that's not so good. Or, I wouldn't do it that way.
[00:28:12] They can't hear any, they're not gonna process anything else. So a great technique strong leaders use very often is they leave with something positive, right? So let's use the example of when I was giving my TED op. My friend Amy Warren has over 21 million views on her TED talk. So she's been where I wanted to go.
[00:28:29] So she's the person I chose to tap for advice on my talk. And so when I shared it with her. She came back at me and said, Listen, wow, you're an amazing speaker, Heather. Like she's leading with praise. I love the whole concept. It's so unique. The idea is incredible. I love how you positioned ABC and D. Now, a sandwich is in the middle, is the meat, right?
[00:28:52] So now here's where the constructive criticism and real impact is gonna come, right? She's like, However, I didn't [00:29:00] love you, didn't pull me in the way you usually do it in the beginning. And I think that there's something bigger, that you could come up with that would draw the audience in quickly in a different way.
[00:29:09] I'm not sure what it is, but I challenge you to find out what that is. And then let's go back to the bread in the sandwich, right? And then she closes with how she's so certain I am gonna kill it. That my top will be just as successful as hers. That she can't wait to, you know, support me and closes with a really powerful, supportive gesture.
[00:29:27] So the sandwich technique is all about leave with positivity, praise in a true and honest way. The middle of that conversation is where you're gonna give the constructive criticism and feedback, and then close with encouragement and positivity again.
[00:29:40] Hala Taha: I love that. I can't wait to use that because sometimes I feel like I'm too blunt with my team.
[00:29:44] And as I become a leader and have less and less time. I feel like I'm just always giving negative feedback. But if I could just pause, make sure I see something positive, then give criticism, then say something positive again. They'll always have like a great feeling about me as a person. And just your [00:30:00] relationships, I'm sure will be better, especially as a leader.
[00:30:03] Heather Monahan: Oh my gosh. I'm gonna go find you like a little sandwich and send it to you so it can be on your next year.
[00:30:07] Hala Taha: A reminder. A sandwich magnet. I'd love that. So let's talk about negative self-talk, because like we mentioned, we can be our own villains. What should we do when we're having negative self-talk?
[00:30:20] Heather Monahan: First of all, stop, Right? So one of the things that was helpful for me is just to pause and say, Ooh, gosh, this is like an old way. I used to speak to myself. I don't do this anymore. I'm noticing. Just be aware. You wanna be self-aware. But this was a huge one for me. I remember thinking, Would I ever speak to my son like this?
[00:30:37] No, of course I wouldn't speak. I wouldn't say you idiot, but I would never talk to my child like that, right? If you don't have a child, think of someone that you love in your life that you wanna encourage and envision them and speak to yourself the way you would speak to them. So let's use an example.
[00:30:53] Let's say, I blew it with some presentation or whatever, you know, and I'm beating myself up afterwards. I become self-aware and say, Okay, [00:31:00] I'm gonna pause for a minute. This is an old way I used to behave. It wasn't helpful. So how can I change it? And then I picture my son and I picture he blew a presentation.
[00:31:09] And so now I talk to him and I say, Listen sweetheart. I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but I promise you this is temporary and I promise you you're gonna get better from it. We're gonna practice more for the next one. And I promise that this happened for a reason and this is steering us to a new and better place.
[00:31:24] And suddenly I start feeling better cuz I'm real. Like I'm coaching me the way that I would coach him, right? And suddenly I feel more positive and I start believing in myself. So whether you need to carry a picture around of that person or carry a picture around of you as a younger version of yourself, and you're coaching that younger person, but it's all about being aware. Giving yourself the grace, and then rewriting that narrative in the moment.
[00:31:47] Hala Taha: I love that. I think that is such great advice. And if you don't have a kid. You can think about like. Coaching your little sister or your best friend or just anybody that you love and care about. Like you've gotta have self-compassion and talk to yourself [00:32:00] as if you love yourself. You know, otherwise you're gonna carry all this negative energy and it's never gonna do you any good.
[00:32:06] So I wanna take us back to when you were a Chief Revenue Officer at a public traded radio company. He worked for a very successful CEO and he had a house party one day and he brought you to his new mansion he bought on the Gulf of Mexico. And you were so amazed by this beautiful house until one of your coworkers said, This is the house that Heather built.
[00:32:27] And we were just talking about how we can be blind to our own surroundings. And I feel like this really like drives that point home. So how did that statement affect your beliefs about your future?
[00:32:38] Heather Monahan: Oh my gosh, that was a big, It's such a weird how you can have big moments at any point in time and you never know when something's gonna hit you.
[00:32:44] But I had been at this company, like I said, for 14 years, right? We were doing n excess of $200 million annually. My job was, I was responsible for all revenue and for the revenue team. And so when we walked in and he had just bought this house was like 35 million Ps. [00:33:00] I don't live in a 35 million house. So yet.
[00:33:03] And so we soon with the podcast Hala, we will . So I walk into this party and someone was making a joke, you know, it was being funny saying like, Oh, this is the house that Heather built. I'm the one that's responsible for making the money for the company. But when he said it, you know, people were laughing like, Oh, that's cute.
[00:33:20] That's a cute, you know, that's funny and cute, whatever. I got pissed. I'm like, wait a minute. If this is the house that Heather built, why isn't Heather fricking living here? Like I'm the one out on the planes every week. I'm the one out cutting these big deals, building these teams. Why isn't it my house? So I left that night, not happy, but more challenged to say, Why isn't it my house?
[00:33:41] And then I remember thinking. Okay, this is back when I worked for the CEO. That promoted me three times. Not the one that fired me, it was her father. And I remember thinking, and he had shared this with me a few times, his story. His story was, he had been a principal and an educator and did not have a lot of money, had a lot of kids, not a lot of money.
[00:33:59] [00:34:00] And so secretly and quietly at night he started working at a radio station. Then, he built up enough money to buy that one radio station and then he advanced that radio station. He built enough money to buy another radio station. And then there was this huge crash in the nineties and everyone said the internet is all there is, and radio's gone.
[00:34:16] Which was not the case. But he couldn't see into the future. He wasn't getting any loans from companies and he didn't know how he was gonna pay his debt and go on. And I remember him saying that he had to walk on the beach alone at night to say, I can either double down on this right now and take the biggest risk of my life and go all in on what I think is gonna pay off tenfold, or I can fold up and sell for pennies on a dollar, lose everything, and, and go back and be a principal again.
[00:34:41] And everybody was selling their radio companies cuz they were trading for pennies on the dollar. And all of his friends sold. And he doubled down and bought and bought and bought and leveraged everything he had and went into massive debt. And it paid off huge. So I remembered that story walking out there and [00:35:00] I realized, yes, I do all the work.
[00:35:02] Yes, I close all the deals, I make all the money, but I've never done what that man did. I never took that massive leap of faith like you eventually did. Like I eventually did after I got kicked out. But that was the missing piece. So until you're willing to take that big risk, you're never really gonna get that great reward.
[00:35:20] Hala Taha: Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors. This episode of YAP is brought to you by the Jordan Harbinger Show. You guys may know that Jordan Harbinger is my all-time favorite podcaster. So much so that I've willed him to become my podcast mentor and we now talk every single day.
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[00:36:00] It's very similar to YAP in terms that there's no fluff and you always walk away learning something. And he also has a bit of humor, which is a really nice touch. Jordan being the OG that he is always snags the absolute best guest like Mark Cuban, rapper T.I, athletes, like the late great Kobe Bryant, Dennis Rodman.
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[00:37:05] All I keep thinking about is like you were allowing that job to control you. Like that was your villain. The paycheck was your villain. That lady was also a villain because she was like blocking you. But really in the grand scheme of things. It was you, like you said, it was yourself. That you were, had these limiting beliefs and you were letting your villain control you.
[00:37:25] This story also reminds me of something that Ed Mylett shared with us. So you're also friends with Ed Mylett. He came on the show and he was talking to me about how he likes to step into his dreams. So when he and his wife were first coming up, they were pretty broke. They used to save money and once a month they would go to a very fancy hotel and they would get super dressed up and he would go golfing and she would wear a pretty dress and they would pretend to be rich for a day.
[00:37:51] And he says that that's what really pushed, him to realize that he wanted to accomplish these dreams. So I'm sure seeing that huge mansion, you were like, Whoa, like I'm [00:38:00] playing like way too small. Do you believe in manifestation? Like do you visualize, like, tell us about your top tips for that.
[00:38:07] Heather Monahan: Oh my gosh! You already know, but yeah, huge.
[00:38:10] I completely do. And to Ed's. Point I was at his house. He now lives in that multi multimillion dollar house on the beach, right? Like he's living that dream that he manifested at a younger age. And it is true. I did not know this when I was younger, but literally your words are your wand. Like whatever you speak, you are putting it, speaking it into existence.
[00:38:33] So instead of being the one to say, I'm such an idiot, Oh, blonde moment. Which is something I said many times in my career. Now I speak, I'm kicking ass, I'm going bigger. I'm going for more. And those doors start opening, like whatever you speak will, create some type of movement or opportunity in your life or hold back for you. That choice is up to you.
[00:38:54] So now I take my time to, when I was interviewing Sara Blakely live on stage. I was [00:39:00] really nervous before taking that stage. So for a week leading up to it, every night I would lay on my floor. I would close my eyes and I would see her smiling at me. I would see me smiling at her. I would see us taking the stage.
[00:39:13] I would see a standing ovation. I would see what I wanted to put out into the universe. Into the world, and that energy that I wanted to have. And yeah, I was nervous as all get out when I took that stage. But because I had played it through my mind so many times. It went amazing. Even though there were lots of mistakes and bumps that occurred, it didn't matter because I had this vision of what was gonna happen.
[00:39:36] And it happened. And it was the same way with my TEDx talk. I was so scared. I was so nervous taking that stupid little red circle. And I'll tell you, because I had envisioned it and played it through my mind so many times. It didn't matter the amount of challenges that occurred that day. And there were plenty of them because I had this vision that I hung on to and it manifested in the end.
[00:39:59] Hala Taha: [00:40:00] I love that. So I had one of my first speaking engagements. I did it at MIT and I had insomnia that night because all I kept doing was replaying a very good job of mead saying this speech. But then I ended up doing a great job and I was, even though I had insomnia, because I feel like I was just visualizing the whole night and I didn't have much time to prepare.
[00:40:20] So my body was like, You need to visualize all night and you'll worry about sleep later. So I totally agree. Sometimes when you just see yourself on stage and you imagine it going well. It usually always does turn out okay. Which is just so interesting to me.
[00:40:35] Heather Monahan: It's science back. There's so much science that points to that.
[00:40:39] You're priming your brain for something. I mean, Olympic athletes use this when training, right? Tom Brady will talk so much about this. Anyone who's extremely successful on some level is using visual visualization. Whether they realize they're doing it or not, and just be willing to give it a shot. And it doesn't have to be for a TED Talk.
[00:40:59] It can be [00:41:00] for a presentation at work next week. It can be for asking somebody out on a date, right? Like whatever it is that you're feeling, a little bit of angst or anxiety that you want to happen. Start envisioning happen and watch how it manifests.
[00:41:12] Hala Taha: Yes. And we can't just dream, we've gotta do, right? So the second part of your BAK method is actions.
[00:41:19] Now we love actionable advice at Young and Profiting podcasts, and you say that we can track our progress toward achieving our goals by using a 30 day grid. Can you explain what a 30 day grid is and how we create one?
[00:41:31] Heather Monahan: So I liken it to weight loss, right? So if you're gonna, if you wanna lose five or 10 pounds. You need to know what your baseline is that you're starting at, know what your goal is, Get a picture of that goal, right?
[00:41:42] Like if I wanna lose weight, I'm gonna get a picture of me in a bikini when I'm younger and I'm like looking like I'm killing it. So you know what you're chasing after. And then you wanna weigh in every day and track the progress and action steps you're taking to help you achieve your goal. You wanna tap somebody to hold you accountable, right?
[00:41:58] These are all like basic steps. So, [00:42:00] but it doesn't just have to be for weight loss. It can be for this idea of, I wanna be a more confident version of myself, or I have, for me, when I got fired, I have no idea where I'm going. So that my baseline was like, Okay, we're at ground zero right now, at the end of 30 days.
[00:42:15] I want to be feeling it like a much more confident version of myself and having some idea of where I'm going. This is truly what I did do. And so I've created a vision. I actually have a life size cutout of myself, that I put up in my living room so that I can, Cuz I'm super confident in that picture and I wanted to see it every day.
[00:42:32] Like, Hey, I'm coming for you girl. I've been there before. I'm coming for you. And so I would keep that visual and then every day I would chart my action steps that I was taking to create opportunity. But the other really cool thing. I'd also practice gratitude and I would do it on this grid as well and encourage everyone to do that.
[00:42:48] Cause it just helps your mind shift to what is possible. What is good, instead of what is so hard, as we all have challenges, but staying focused on the positive really will help you build momentum. And so then I would start [00:43:00] tracking the amazing gifts that started showing up in my life. Like Elvis Doran, you know, like all these different people who started showing up that I didn't know were coming a week before.
[00:43:09] And then when you start seeing that, oh my gosh, I wonder what's gonna come next week then. That just helps you build more and more momentum. And then the more momentum you have, the more action steps you take. The more things that you do that create more opportunity and it feeds on each other. And before you know it. You're living the life of the life sites cutout that I have been delivering them.
[00:43:27] Hala Taha: I love that advice. Something else that you say that's really interesting is you said that we should put a song behind our goals. What is the power of putting like music or having a theme song surrounding your goal?
[00:43:40] Heather Monahan: So funny. So my whole career was in the radio business, right? So I've read so many research papers and white papers in regards to the impact music has on the mind.
[00:43:49] And there's a reason why McDonald's has a jingle. They want you constantly to be thinking about that, right? So pairing an action step, or a statement or an [00:44:00] affirmation with music is only gonna further ingrain it in your mind. And frequency cells. So the thoughts that you hold more often are the ones that are going to impact you in a positive or a negative way.
[00:44:12] So why not be the director of your own at home movie here that you're running around with all day long? For me, I chose a song by Kendrick Lamar. I love myself. I chose a visual, and this is back to the media business, right? You wanna pair a visual with an audio jingle or song with message. In my idea, I like, I wanted to be more confident.
[00:44:33] I wanted to be like that best version. That 10 plus plus of myself. So I got that visual. I started running the Kendrick Lamar song all the time in my in my head. And then I started stating this fear is a green light. That means go and go faster. And whenever you feel it. Heather, you're moving into it. And so like those three things I just made part of my daily routine.
[00:44:54] And I will tell you, within 30 days of you practices. You will see a profound difference in [00:45:00] whatever it is that you're going out there trying to achieve. You're gonna see that you will be achieving it.
[00:45:04] Hala Taha: I certainly believe it. So let's take a step back because we all have goals, but we need to be making sure that we're working on the right things.
[00:45:13] And you have a great actionable piece of advice because you say, when acting on something, you always ask yourself. What's the grief to gross ratio? Which I thought was super interesting. I've never heard this before. So talk to us about this little framework to help you make sure you're working on the right things.
[00:45:29] Heather Monahan: I came up with this back when I was in the media business. We'll use my old job for an example, right? So I could add more people to my team to accelerate revenues. I could create new business contests to have people focus on bringing in new business. I could train the existing team up. I could personally go after the largest clients in the country and close the biggest deals myself, right?
[00:45:49] There's so many different things that you can do in any job to have bigger and more profound impact and more success. So you have to start taking a step back and observe the entire landscape and [00:46:00] say, Where is my time best spent? Right? Like, we need to be strategic here. I don't wanna be running around like a chicken with our head cut off, you know, darting onto the left and right.
[00:46:08] No, where can I have the most impact and where can I do it seamlessly and most effectively and efficiently? And so I started looking at things as, okay, if there's gonna be a lot of grief around this. So for example, going out and interviewing hundreds and hundreds of people to find one good candidate. That didn't sound like the best grief to gross ratio for me.
[00:46:28] So I started thinking, and this is years ago, right? This is, I guess probably six years ago. This is why I launched my personal brand six years ago. I started thinking, How can I flip the current instead of me chasing people. How do I get people to start chasing me? And so six years ago, I launched a personal brand to attract people into my life that might be like-minded, that might be looking for ways to elevate themself, get tips.
[00:46:51] Those are my kind of people. I wanted to pull that current towards me so that those people were constantly applying for the jobs that I did have available. And that [00:47:00] grief to gross ratio was so much better than the way it, I had been doing it before.
[00:47:04] Hala Taha: Yeah, I have to say like you're a very like go with the flow type of person.
[00:47:08] Like you're one of my clients, right? I've been working with you for over two years. You are like not an annoying client at all. There's some clients who don't let us do our jobs. They wanna be social media managers, they wanna write the copy, they wanna give so much feedback. But you're so much more of the person, you're just like, you're the expert.
[00:47:26] You do it. I'm gonna do what I'm good at, and you do what you are good at. And I feel like that works so well because you like, don't you feel like that's just such a better way to approach things like not to be micromanaging people.
[00:47:38] Heather Monahan: Well, here's the thing. That woman that ended up firing me, she was a huge micromanager.
[00:47:43] So in my opinion, this is my how I see things like there's certain qualities I admire in people and there are certain things I don't. And I think it's good to reflect on like the listen. She's super organized. I'm not, and that's like good for her. I wish I had that right. So there was things that were great about her too.
[00:47:58] But I do remember [00:48:00] this nasty, like coldness I felt about her that she was always questioning, always, Well, show me the speech before you take the stage. Why do you care? What I'm gonna talk about when I'm talking to a sales organization? It has nothing to do with you all. You know, asking for control. And I remember learning from what I didn't like about her leadership, but that lack of control and her trying to control it showed up to me as weakness.
[00:48:23] And I see that as a weakness in people. When you wanna grab hold of something so hard. It's cuz you don't feel really confident in you. So to me, why would I hire you and your team, if I don't have trust and belief in you? And then how could I ever think you're gonna show up as the best version as yourself as a media expert?
[00:48:44] If I don't empower you to go out there and do it. You're not gonna be the best and I'm gonna be the one sabotaging you and setting you up. All because I'm insecure and I'm a control freak. No thanks.
[00:48:55] Hala Taha: Exactly. Let's stay on action and let's talk about asking. Cause this is really important. You're [00:49:00] never gonna get what you want if you don't ask for it.
[00:49:02] And you are like an expert when it comes to pitching. So let's talk about the ways that you've pitched yourself in the past. You've got some really great stories about pitching yourself and then some tips you have to pitch ourselves.
[00:49:13] Heather Monahan: Oh my gosh. All right. So always put yourself in the other person's shoes.
[00:49:15] That's the number one most important thing. You're solving a problem for them. So I'll use the example. When I went to a publicly traded company. They didn't have a VP of sales position, and I saw, as soon as I got to the company. I'm like, there's so much lack in different marketplace. I saw the solution.
[00:49:29] I knew what the solution was for their problem. They didn't know they had a problem, but I saw it. So now I had to put myself in the shoes of the decision maker and think, Okay, what are his holdbacks? Fear of change. Fear of failure, right? I had to think through all those challenges so put yourself in their shoes, see what pain points they're gonna have, see what fears they're gonna have, and address all of those in your pitch.
[00:49:52] So then you make it really easy for them to take hold of the idea and make it their own. So I went into the pitch, always go face to [00:50:00] face. Don't do it on Zoom, don't do it on email, don't do it on the phone. You're very easy to say no to. In those situations, it's much harder to look someone eye to eye and say no to them.
[00:50:09] So if something's important, pitch in person. And I did my homework. I got to the meeting, I made the pitch and he said No. And I learned such a big lesson that day. I ended up, I went back two weeks later and I was gonna resign. I was gonna take another job, and he said, Hang on a second. He excused himself from the restaurant, came back five minutes later.
[00:50:29] I said, Where did you go? He said, Oh, I had to call my father to get approval on the position. Heather. Yes, we're awarding you the VP of sales and I learned this powerful lesson that even if you think someone's a decision maker, qualify it. Qualify it ahead of time so you don't waste your time or their time or make a misinformed decision.
[00:50:47] Hala Taha: And I have to say, asking is so powerful when it comes to just like leveling up in your career. I feel like so many things I've gotten was because I asked for it. Even the cover of Podcast magazine. I was just supposed to have a [00:51:00] regular interview and I remember at the end of the conversation, I was like, am I gonna be on the cover?
[00:51:04] And he was. Maybe, and then it happened.
[00:51:07] Heather Monahan: You planted the seed.
[00:51:09] Hala Taha: I put it in his ear and he was like, Well, I guess this is the best article. She could be on the cover. And, and that like totally accelerated my career. And if I hadn't asked that, I don't know if they would've like really thought about me or considered me.
[00:51:21] Heather Monahan: Of course not. You put it out there. And that's exact same thing that I did. I had Gary V, on my podcast and at the very end of the episode, while we were still recording, I said, Gary, now do you think that your audience could benefit from a story like mine and some of the tips and techniques that I can teach people how to bounce back from adversity?
[00:51:38] And he is like, Absolutely. I said, Well, then I need to be on the show. Right? I just showed up and asked, and then he put me on a show and Right, but it's all about having that willingness. You have to be willing and allowing for someone to say no, knowing that's just part of the journey and that you know what, it's a numbers game and you're just gonna keep asking, bringing value.
[00:51:56] And those right doors will open and see what happens.
[00:51:59] Hala Taha: [00:52:00] Exactly. You just have to realize that the worst they can say is no. But if you don't ask, and by the way, they'll say no, but it will be in the back of their head and they'll know that you're available and wanting of that opportunity. And people love to help.
[00:52:12] Like at the end of the day, people like to help other people.
[00:52:15] Heather Monahan: Well, most people, I mean, we're gonna keep a couple caveats.
[00:52:17] Hala Taha: Most, there are some really bad villains, but screw those people. All right, So let's talk about knowledge. That is the third part of the BAK system. It's the information and skills we need to be more effective people in every aspect of our work and personal lives.
[00:52:33] So this has actually been a hot topic for me on the podcast. Lately because I find that I've been finding more and more young people who don't have skills or knowledge, and they want all these opportunities. They want a great job. They wanna make money. They wanna be an entrepreneur, for example, but they have no skills.
[00:52:48] So talk to us about the importance of getting knowledge and skills and some advice you have for my young listeners.
[00:52:53] Heather Monahan: I mean, listen, here's the thing. Nothing is gonna replace hard work. And I know it, it would be beautiful if something [00:53:00] could, and there was a magic wand, but there, there isn't. Right? Like competency builds confidence and competency comes from showing up and learning, right?
[00:53:07] And, and doing the hard work and making the business trips. And like being in these meetings where you're asking and being told no and no and no, and you're refining your process and you're learning and you're understanding. You've gotta immerse yourself in the suck it. I did not like being account executive when I first started, in the radio business.
[00:53:23] I did not like being a first time author, having no idea how to sell books. But I had to stumble through the suck to start figuring out what did work. And that's what so often today because of social media, because so many people only post the highlight reel. The people think, she just stumbled out onto that stage and gave a great TEDx talk.
[00:53:44] That I've pitched for a hundred times. I was told no a hundred times for TEDx before I landed a TEDx. Right? And then I worked for months on that speech that took 10 minutes that people just think I strolled out for on a Saturday, right? The people don't see the work that goes in on the back end.
[00:53:59] [00:54:00] So the most important thing is pick your head up, like you were saying, ask for help. Sometimes you're not gonna get it. That's okay too. But you need to ask. Ask. And when you don't get it, start self teaching. We live in an incredible time. You wanna learn from Ed Mylett? Go put on his YouTube channel, Go put on his podcast.
[00:54:17] You want me to mentor you? Go turn on my podcast. But there's so much content and information out there. You can teach yourself anything. Last night I went into the kitchen. My son was in the oven. I'm like, What are you doing? He said, I just made banana bread. I'm like, Well, I don't know how to make banana bread.
[00:54:32] He's like, Well, you need to watch TikTok, mom. You can teach yourself anything, if you have a phone or a computer. So I just see it as a weak excuse that people are being lazy if they don't wanna build their skill set. Like knowledge is everywhere. It's up to you if you're gonna access it and, and run with it.
[00:54:49] Hala Taha: I completely agree. I feel like almost everything I learned was on the internet for free. I did go to school, I got my MBA, I got this net. Everything that I used today is either something I learned [00:55:00] on the job or something I learned on the internet and there's no excuses. Just work hard. Get the experience and take the time to learn.
[00:55:07] I think that's the other thing. People wanna spend time watching tv, scrolling on social media. You've gotta take the time to learn, to read and to like level up your knowledge on your specific niche.
[00:55:17] Heather Monahan: I just wanna highlight. I just wanna say one thing to that point, you did a lot in academics before and people are gonna say, Oh, that's why she got Disney.
[00:55:24] Here's what I wanna say, is I'm coaching a very senior level executive at a Fortune 10 company. She's amazing. She never went to college and for a long time that was her hold back. This woman makes millions of dollars a year, and she would say, I can't pitch myself for that cuz I don't have the pedigree, I don't have the Harvard MBA.
[00:55:43] Right? Here's the thing. Instead, what she leaned into on the knowledge side was her experiences, her network was where she spent her time. So your knowledge, doesn't have to look the same way somebody else's does, right? Like I have a bachelor's in from Clerk University, and then I have a ton of [00:56:00] networking and experience on the job, right?
[00:56:02] Your formula can look so different than anybody else's. Yours can be entirely self taught. Don't let any of it hold you back. It's just about immersing yourself in the place that you're supposed to go, doing that work that is that right fit for you at the time.
[00:56:14] Hala Taha: That is such an excellent point. Okay, so we're gonna wrap this show up.
[00:56:18] I always ask the last two questions. I ask everybody the same questions, and then we do something fun at the end of the year. So the first one is, what is one actionable thing that my listeners can do today to become more profiting tomorrow?
[00:56:31] Heather Monahan: Ask for help. Find someone out there in your world, in your sphere of influence, and reach out someone. Who is where you wanna go, and send them a note and ask them for help.
[00:56:41] You never know what doors you could open.
[00:56:44] Hala Taha: I love that. And what is your secret to profiting in life?
[00:56:48] Heather Monahan: To me, it truly is mindset over everything. Like you hold the key to unlocking the door to yourself. You hold the key to going bigger. There is no one holding you back. It is all on you. So unlock that door [00:57:00] and go.
[00:57:00] Hala Taha: Awesome. So Heather, tell us where we can find, Overcome Your Villains. Tell us about how we can find your podcast and learn more about everything you do.
[00:57:08] Heather Monahan: Go get the audio book, Overcome Your Villains. It is top charts on Amazon right now. I narrate it and I go, I riff on live on every single chapter.
[00:57:18] It's so, it's my favorite. I'm super proud of it. Go check it out. My podcast, which is with Hala's network, is Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan. I'm @heathermonahan on all social media and I would love to hear from you.
[00:57:30] Hala Taha: Guys. Heather is amazing. Heather changed my life. I hope you guys enjoy her content as much as I enjoy her.
[00:57:36] Thank you so much for coming on the show.
[00:57:38] Heather Monahan: Thank you so much for having.
[00:57:42] Hala Taha: So Young and Profiteers, do you understand why I keep inviting Heather back on the show now? I mean, she's just so much fun to talk to and she is such a boss. I'm so grateful for everything that she's done for me, honestly. She's a great person and she gave us some actionable advice today about slaying our haters.
[00:57:59] And for [00:58:00] this outro today, I really wanna focus on the importance of having self-confidence and high self-esteem. This can be a lot more powerful than it first may seem. When a person is confident and securing themselves and they truly believe, that they are enough and they're never putting themselves down. They can go on to achieve true abundance in life.
[00:58:18] We all have wants and needs and desires, yet many people do not realize that their own confidence is key to unlocking their goals, and it's their confidence that's getting in their way. In fact have to say I'm a very confident person and sometimes when I am being confident, people on social media try to tear me down for not being humble enough.
[00:58:39] They may accuse me of bragging but usually they just say like, Oh, you're so humble, or like, how humble of you. Right. When I, when I talk about my success and honestly confidence is how I got here. Confidence is how every successful person got to where they are. Most people get inspired when I talk about my successes because they feel it's possible for themselves.
[00:58:59] Those are people who are [00:59:00] open minded and those who don't have confidence in themselves. They don't believe in themselves. They don't even believe in life. They play victim and they think that the world is against them. Most people are growing up to believe that modesty and humility is a good trait, and confidence and arrogance is not.
[00:59:17] And this can cause a lot of people to be afraid of sharing or celebrating their successes or to even accept compliments graciously. And I would go as far to say that I am anti humble. I always say this, right, When somebody says, Oh, how humble of you, and they're being sarcastic on social media, I literally respond and I say, I'm not humble.
[00:59:39] I'm confident and I'm trying to be inspiring and share my story because there's not that many minority women, who are running, you know, companies with 60 employees and, and like having great success and I'm in a male dominated space and a male dominated niche of podcasting self-improvement. Literally every single self-improvement podcast are out there is usually a [01:00:00] man.
[01:00:00] Think about it. I want to tell other people that they can do it too. That is why I share these things and also to reinforce it to myself, to reinforce it to others, to make people know that I am worth my value and and things like that. Right? It is part of building your personal brands, and I think one of the most harmful mentalities towards achieving in life or becoming an entrepreneur is this notion of you have to be humble.
[01:00:25] You have to be a humble leader. Without a display of pride. I don't know what your success is. I don't know how much I should value you or pay you. And I don't think that displaying success is bad. It's reinforcing what you want other people to know about you and also reinforcing it to yourself. And generally speaking, when we say we wanna be humble. What we really mean is don't brag, show off or make weaker or less fortunate.
[01:00:48] People feel bad about themselves. So basically we're saying let's make ourselves smaller in order for others to feel better about themselves. And I don't agree with that. Humble literally means to be low to the [01:01:00] ground. Do you wanna be low to the ground and make yourself smaller, or do you wanna be high and big?
[01:01:05] Being overly humble can make you become a follower, rather than a leader. So be careful with this. Now, this doesn't mean that you need to brag, right? If you brag, you're insecure about your own self-worth. It doesn't mean you put other people down, right? When you're sharing your successes, stress the lesson, stress the journey, right?
[01:01:23] What are people learning from what you're saying? And talk about the hard work it took for you to get what you achieved, and give credit to those who helped you along the way. That way you won't look arrogant. When you're talking about your successes. And again, don't be a show off. There's a thin line between saying, I can do it and I'm the only person who can do it.
[01:01:41] Always go for the first option. Try to inspire others. But again, talk about your accomplishments and showcase your talent with confidence. You're only gonna be recognized as an expert in your field. When you showcase your knowledge to the world with confidence. All right, so the other thing I wanna talk about is not talking down to [01:02:00] yourself.
[01:02:00] Feeling self confident and having high self-esteem has to come from your own efforts and belief. Now the key to this is choosing powerful messaging and running it through your mind all the time. For example, Heather always says, I'm confident, I shine my light. I slay my villains. I am powerful. That's her mantra.
[01:02:16] And she repeated these messages over and over to herself throughout the day when she was going through a tough time. And the more you hear or see something, the more it's gonna get stuck in your head and start perpetuating as the truth. And I do this all the time personally. Before I hop on a sales call, I literally tell myself, I am the podcast princess.
[01:02:35] I'm the number one seller in the world. I'm the most knowledgeable person in the podcasting space. I crush it for all my clients. Our performance is unbelievable. I have the number one social media and podcast agency in the world. I am worthy of high ticket deals. I will talk to myself like this. I do this all the time before an interview.
[01:02:52] I'm telling myself I'm the best podcaster in the world. I'm equals with this person who's about to hop on the session. I've earned it. I put in the [01:03:00] reps and. Guys, some of it may be an exaggeration, like of course I'm not an equal to Matthew McConaughey, but it doesn't matter. It's all about building yourself up right before these big moments.
[01:03:11] It's okay, that's an an exaggeration. It's okay if it's a lie. It's about changing your mindset, and you can only do that through your thoughts. Your thoughts create your feelings. Which create your behaviors, which create your actions. Your thoughts are the starting point. So literally feed your mind lies until you become what you tell yourself.
[01:03:32] Fake it before you make it right. And I'm not saying fake it and harm others in the meanwhile, but when you're just talking to yourself, there's no harm. You're just changing your mindset. You're changing your thoughts so you can end up changing your habits and your behaviors and your actions. Okay, and this reminds me of what Marisa Peer taught me in episodes number 134 and 1 35.
[01:03:54] Marisa Peer is brilliant. These were one of my favorite episodes here on YAP, so I highly recommend to go check out [01:04:00] 134, 135. Marissa is one of the most sought after and globally acclaimed therapists in the world, and she gave us some rules when it comes to affirmations. She's like the queen of affirmations, which she calls Statements of Truth, and she tolds us.
[01:04:13] There's some rules they have to be in the present tense right. Your mind can't tell the difference between like future and past. And so have these affirmations in the present tense. And they should be very emotional and descriptive. So the more descriptive and colorful and detailed, the better. And like Heather mentioned, you can pair your affirmation with music to make it more passionate.
[01:04:32] Be passionate with your affirmations. And repeat. And repeat and repeat because your mind learns from repetition. So I want you guys to remember, the most important words out there are not the words of your friends. They're not the words of your family. They're not the words you read on social media. The most important words out there are your own words. The words that you tell yourself, the words that you tell others.
[01:04:54] So if it's unfamiliar to believe in yourself, make it familiar. Do the work to [01:05:00] retrain your brain. And as Marisa Peer famously says, Tell yourself a better lie. Praise yourself, love yourself. And don't worry about being too humble and modest. Advertise yourself and share your successes with the world openly.
[01:05:15] The haters are gonna hate anyway, and they're only hating because they hate themselves. All right, so for today's action item. I want you to think about the words that you need to repeat to yourself over and over again to boost up your self-esteem. Whatever you feel is negative about your life flip that over on its head and tell yourself the exact opposite in the present tense.
[01:05:34] If you think you're fat, tell yourself that you're skinny and in the best shape of your life, because that's gonna make you wanna go to the gym because your brain believes, that you're already what you need to become. And if you think you're behind in your career, tell yourself you're rocking in your career.
[01:05:49] Open for a change and hyper alert to the opportunities that surround you. The right words are there for you right now. If you just think about it. And I want you to write them down. Put reminders in your [01:06:00] phone so you do them all the time. Say them in the morning, say them before big events and bonus points for coming up with an image or a theme song that you can use to reinforce this with yourself.
[01:06:10] And I wanna hear what you come up with so you can text me. You can join the text community by texting YAP to 28046. You can also find me on social media. I'm on Instagram and Twitter @yapwithhala.. You can also find me on LinkedIn. Just search my name. It's Hala Taha and YAP fam. If you wanna support the show, the number one way to do that is to drop us a five star review on Apple Podcast or your favorite podcast platform.
[01:06:32] So go ahead, drop us a review. I'd really appreciate it, and thanks again for listening to another incredible episode of Young and Profiting Podcasts. Again, shout out to Heather for helping me live out my dream life. You are an angel that was sent to me from God, so thank you so much for helping me with all of this.
[01:06:51] If it wasn't for Heather Monahan, I'm not sure if a lot of this would exist. So thank you so much, Heather Monahan for kicking me in the butt to start my company and helping me accelerate my journey. [01:07:00] You are a true, true friend, true mentor, and that's why you're always welcome on Young and Profiting podcast whenever you want.
[01:07:07] This is Hala Taha, your host signing off.
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