Dean Graziosi: The Underdog Advantage | E68
#68: The Underdog Advantage with Dean Graziosi
An underdog mindset can turn your disadvantages into superpowers! Today on the show we are chatting with Dean Grazioisi, real estate investor and trainer, tv personality, motivational speaker and multiple NYT best-selling author. You may recognize Dean from his late night infomercials on real estate training. In fact, he was on TV. everyday for 17 years straight and is known for being the #1 real estate trainer in the world. Dean has started or has been involved over 13 companies that have resulted in over 1 billion dollars in revenue and his net worth is reportedly 43 million dollars. But like many successful entrepreneurs, Dean started off with humble beginnings. His family faced many financial difficulties and he moved more than 20 times by the age of 19. Dean is an incredible example of how you can turn your life around and take control over your financial destiny. In this episode, we’ll discuss Dean’s key underdog mindset principles like being relentlessly resourceful and using desperation as persuasion. We’ll also dive deep into his personal life, and get an understanding of how he overcame his anxiety of getting divorced and maintained a healthy relationship with his ex-wife.
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#68: The Underdog Advantage with Dean Graziosi
Hala Taha: [00:00:00] Hey, everyone. It's Hala. Before we kick off the show, I want to say thank you to everyone who has left us a review on apple podcasts or a comment on your favorite platform. Reviews are the number one way to thank us and reviews, help us reach more listeners by improving our apple podcast ranking. I'd like to share a recent review from Em852. Incredible guests, insightful questions.
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I'd love to hear what you think about the show. You're listening to YAP. Young and profiting [00:01:00] podcast, a place where you can listen, learn, and profit. Welcome to the show. I'm your host Hala Taha and on young and profiting podcast, we investigate a new topic each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world.
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Today on the show. We're chatting with Dean [00:02:00] Grasiozi real estate investor and trainer TV, personality, motivational speaker, and multiple New York times bestselling author. You may recognize Dean from his late night infomercials on real estate training. In fact, he was on TV every day for 17 years straight, and he's known to be the number one real estate trainer in the world.
Dean has been involved in over 13 companies that have resulted in over $1 billion in revenue and his net worth is reportedly $43 million, but like many successful entrepreneurs, Dean started off with humble beginnings. His family faced many financial difficulties and he moved more than 20 times by the age of 19.
Dean is an incredible example of how you can turn your life around and take control over your financial destiny. In this episode, we'll learn about how to get into an underdog mindset to turn your disadvantages into superpowers. We'll discuss his key underdog principles like being relentlessly resourceful and using desperation [00:03:00] as persuasion.
We'll also dive deep into Dean's personal life and get an understanding of how he overcame his anxiety of getting divorced and maintained a healthy relationship with his ex wife. Hey Dean, welcome to young and profiting podcast.
Dean Graziosi: Good to be here. Good to be here.
Hala Taha: We're very excited to have you on the show.
You are such a huge star in the self-improvement space and I can't wait to pick your brain. So my first question to you is really about your journey to where you are today. So from my understanding, we do lots of research here on young and profiting podcasts. And you had humble beginnings. Before you were 19, you moved 20 different times.
You grew up with a single mom. You guys had financial struggles. You lived in a trailer park, you had super humble beginnings, but then by the time you were 25, 26, you were already a multimillionaire. You had made it in the real estate business. You had 20 to 30 apartments under your belt.
So take us back to then, like, how did you get [00:04:00] from, struggling 19 year old, didn't go to college, single. Parent to multimillionaire in your mid twenties.
Dean Graziosi: Yeah. First off, I wanna say congrats on all the research. Everybody says they do, but you really did. Thanks. And secondly, I wanna congratulate you for.
Being a leader and getting information out to the world. And this is a time in history. Everything that's shifted in 2020 has really exposed how much we need knowledge. We need to get more educated and so many different levels to help us grow. And I just wanna commend you for choosing this path because the world needs more people doing that.
And if you're not sharing your own knowledge, which you surely do, you help bring other knowledge to the world. Here's the thing there's a million different reasons, we all have different circumstances. And please know when when, if I share a little bit about my past, I wanna share only.
So it gives you context so you can use it in your own life. I don't like podcast sometimes when someone goes on for 45 minutes about their life story, if it doesn't feel relevant to me. So I just wanna tell you no matter where you are in your life right now, as [00:05:00] you listen to, if you're in your twenties?
Yeah, I'm 51, but I can remember being 20 and hungry five minutes ago. I can remember being 20 and 18 and not knowing, what I was gonna do with my future. I didn't feel that smart cause I struggled with dyslexia. So I just. I decided college wasn't even an option for me and we didn't have money.
And I didn't have an example in my family, but I knew there was more, I watched my parents work so hard to have nothing, and I just didn't wanna follow their path, or I didn't wanna follow their path in the work environment. They're amazing people, but in the work it's like, they always struggled with money.
They always worried about money and they both worked hard and it caused them. To be not so happy in their personal life. It overflowed into that. So I just wanna let you know, I know what that feels like, and I know what it's like to have that hunger to go and do something on your own, but like where the heck do you start?
And then besides where do you start, then you feel like an imposter. Like I know maybe you have never felt that way, but I was like, you didn't go to college. You're not that smart. No one in your school, no one in your [00:06:00] family's doing well. You don't live in a big thriving town. You live in a small little upstate New York town.
So I remember feeling all those feelings, but what I wanna share with you today, and I'm excited to dig in anywhere you want no question off the table, but I also know what it's like to use that pain. Of running away from tough circumstances as my fuel. I know what it's like to fail and try again.
I know what it's like to fail 10 times and try again and get that first sale, that fifth sale and get momentum and get people to believe in you and you start gaining confidence. And then all of a sudden, you get scared again, but you look back and go, I've already done this. Let me try more. So I did, I started a firewood business in high school.
I started fixing wreck cars before I was 20. I bought my first rundown apartment house for no money down at 19 or 20 years old, I ended up having a tow truck company, a collision shop apartments. Then I started just like you said, I started building the houses, buying raw land and subdivided by 25. Failing miserable in between a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of just just hustle.
A [00:07:00] lot of people doubting you and say, slow down. You're not gonna make it. Family thinking you're crazy. I was able to get to my net worth. I didn't have a million dollars in the bank at 25, but I had over a couple million dollars in real estate by the time I was 25 and multiple different businesses.
Hala Taha: That's so incredible. It's so cool that you didn't have a college education, but you just went out and did the work you hustled, you learned things on your own. How did you change your mindset about money? Because if you grew up with parents who, struggled financially, they probably put it in your head that it was really hard to be rich and that Yeah.
How did you change to a mindset of abundance?
Dean Graziosi: And first of all, I wanna say a good . I liked it. I'm gonna have fun. This is gonna be a fun interview. I liked it there because it's a true story, but I remember my mom and my mom was one of the sweetest women I've ever met in my life. But my mom, if we pass somebody with money or a big house or a Mercedes went by when I was a kid or my mom's, I remember my mom would be like, oh, like it was like destined because they had it.
We didn't right. And I just remember, it's easy to look back and [00:08:00] sometimes I don't even know if this is exactly what I felt at the moment, but I can judge it from this point looking backwards. And I realized that money isn't evil money solves problems. And I remember, it's I guess this is a silly analogy, but neither one of us were sitting here talking when we didn't think about the air we're breathing, you didn't think, oh, I got another breath, but if someone claims
put their hands around your neck and you couldn't breathe. The only thing you would think about is air. And when I look back at my parents, they didn't realize since they didn't have money and they didn't have the ability to do things, all they ever thought about was the lack of money they had and the pain caused them without even realizing it.
And I just remember thinking if I could get money out of the way I could retire. My mom was probably my biggest muse because she worked three jobs to make nothing. And I remember if I make money, I can retire her. She doesn't have to come home at nine o'clock at night, tired with her hands hurting her back hurting.
So I just remember thinking money can solve problems. Though, I was probably a little naive back then, but I still feel. I still [00:09:00] feel money can solve problems. We just, when we, as a family, we realized how many kids go to bed at night in America hungry. When we realized that as a family over the last two years, we've provided 7 million meals.
We, money allowed us to provide a solution. We do a lot of stuff in charity, but it also helps my family. I retired my parents, both of them, by the time I was 30, I retired both of my parents.
Hala Taha: That's amazing.
Dean Graziosi: So that I don't have to worry that anymore. So I think money is one of those things. It's only evil. If you do bad things with it, money can shift the world.
Money can help people in need. Anyway, we can go down the philosophical side of money, but I just knew if I could make more money, I could help my family. And I wouldn't feel so out of control. When you don't have money and you got to move, we lived in an apartment house and got to leave because we didn't have money to stay there.
It's like it was all this destruction. And the other thing I'll share before we, and if you wanna go deeper and move on, but the other thing, and maybe some of you can feel, this is lack of money to me. And this is one of my core wise in my life, lack of money. To me, [00:10:00] it means I'm not in control of my time or my decisions money made my parents make certain decisions.
They couldn't come to my baseball games or plays because they were both working. That was a decision made because of lack of money. We had to move certain areas. My mom, we had to live with my grandma a lot, or we made bad decisions because of lack of money and someone else was in control. And I remember if I can.
Now that we're talking about. So the number one thing I remember is if I have money, no, one's gonna tell me how to live, where to live. And I still feel that way.
Hala Taha: Wow. I think you said so many different gems, so many great insights. I love that money allows you to be in control and that was like your drive to.
Help your parents become financially free and for yourself to be more in control of your life. I love that. So you are super successful, you're a best-selling author, you're a real estate guru. You do masterminds with Tony Robbins. You're a huge Instagram star. I could go on and on about your accolades and, you rose to success like pretty quickly.
And I know in today's [00:11:00] world, the hot topic right now is like race, space, privilege and systematic racism and things like that. And I couldn't help, but wonder, if Dean Grasiozi was a person of color would he have been so successful so quickly? And I wanted to hear your thoughts about that.
Dean Graziosi: Yeah, that's a really interesting question because I've never, at the times that we're in right now, pose questions like that.
And here's how I would answer it. Listen, I had my own issues and divorced parents and all that, lots of stuff, like family, crazy stuff. But with that said, I can't, I'm a white man. I can't put myself in the shoes of a black man or a black woman. I don't, but here's the part where I think we changed the world is when we just have the deepest level of compassion and open heart.
And just try to understand, like the differences, understanding, and listening and learning. And I get goosebumps talking about it, but all of us [00:12:00] have some limiting beliefs or certain beliefs that were given to us by a teacher, a relative, a friend, an experience, a TV show. And I think it's times like these, I don't wanna get too far away from your question.
I'll answer that. But it's times like these, we really got to dig in and do two things. We've got to really search our beliefs and see if there's anything that's not allowing our heart to be completely open to obsess on solutions to not just listen right now, it's all over the media. It's trendy to try to help.
I'm just being honest, Where we gonna make real change is when no one's watching. I wanna be the generation when I'm in generation. From your age to my age, I wanna be the generation where we finally come together as the human race, where we lock arms and just solve this no matter what it takes.
And I have to tell you, I see that happening now, more than ever, it lights up my family. They're just completely were in shock of what happened because they're young and it's new to them, but they're loving to see all this noise. And I really [00:13:00] believe where the generation can shift that.
So that's the only thing I'm saying is if we really wanna change this, though, if my quick little messages here is When the media stops talking about it and they're onto a presidential election of something like this must not stop talking about it. Let us continue the momentum. Let's do this when no one's watching.
So your question, I don't know that answer. I don't know that answer. I feel like I'm a hustler, but I don't know that experience of being in a different color.
Hala Taha: Yeah. I think that's fair. I totally agree with you. I feel like now we've got the airtime. We've got the airtime for change. I think people are ready for change.
I interviewed Mark Manson. I don't know if you've heard of him. He's a really big author. And we talked about this concept of anti-fragility and basically what it means is out of despair, out of destruction, out of pain, you can actually grow from it. You grow from pain. And I think that's, what's happening to our country.
Like we're going through all this pain all this destruction, 2020 seems to be like the worst year, but maybe it's actually the best year because [00:14:00] maybe we're gonna grow from this. And maybe we're gonna be better than ever. And humanity essentially is gonna be saved. And we just had to go through these pains in order to get there.
Dean Graziosi: If you think. It's Tony Robbins says it all the time. So I have to quote in there, but what if life happens for us not to us, right? If we really think about that, what if 2020, if we look back at a hundred years, they go, God, the universe, whatever you believe in made 2020, exactly the way it was, like you said, cause people may can't look away anymore.
You can't let go I don't see it. I don't wanna do anything like you can't look away anymore. Us first. COVID put everybody at home and you have to really analyze their lives. I don't wanna go back to my old life. Do you know any people? I talk to that. I am not going back to my old life.
Hala Taha: I know. I can't imagine it.
Dean Graziosi: It's like they don't wanna go back to what they were doing. They're gonna find a way to do something different to live into their heart. I think we've worked through COVID. I think we were virtually connecting. I think our hearts were opening up. I think people had a moment to slow down and actually analyze their life, not just be on [00:15:00] the hamster wheel.
And then on the, listen, that when were open in our hearts and we're home, one of the biggest tragedies and horrific events happen. And we have to face it. It's in our face. There's no looking away. I think that combo could be the ideal scenario for actual long lasting change.
Hala Taha: So I think this is a perfect segue into your latest book.
I think you put it out in 2019, it's called the underdog advantage. I thought it was a great book. And I think that everybody right now is an underdog where. We're dealing with COVID, we're dealing with police brutality. We're all underdogs right now. So tell us, what is this concept of the underdog advantage?
Dean Graziosi: So I, I think if you really look out, look through history, right? It's still gonna be the biggest people we respect in sports or in freedom for countries, freedom for people, they've been the quintessential underdogs right. At every level. From George Washington and America to Martin Luther king, to mother Teresa, to [00:16:00] LeBron James and Michael Jordan, and everywhere party in between, if you really dig into their past, they weren't supposed to make it.
So how the heck did they, right? So when I decided, when I had this concept, I'm really obsessed by last two books, millionaire success habits, and this one are really about going upstream. That's the analogy I use in my head and really helping people with the foundation for success. So many times people want success and they're looking, should I do Amazon?
Should I build a course? Should I write a book? Should I sell products? And they're looking for the tools and the tactics. But if they don't have the mindset and the skills and the habits for success, it will never work. They'll dabble forever and have envy that other people get ahead and they're not. So I really started obsessing on how do I really help people in a simple way, anchor in a foundation.
I started looking into my own life, right? I feel like I'm the quintessential underdog didn't have money. Didn't have resources, didn't have family support. Didn't have an education, all those things, right? Not for me, just part of it. And I started really. Analyzing. And I geeked out on research on [00:17:00] successful people throughout time.
And there was seven core habits of people who turned their disadvantages into their advantages. Think about this. Most people, when they think about starting their own business or scaling your business, they say, and I get DMs like this all the time. Hey, if you lend me a hundred grand, we can be rich.
If you lend me the money, if you give me the, but think about it, how many people hit lotto and go broke, they had the resources. They were lacking resourceful. Think about how many people, if you know anybody that's a trust fund. Adult was a trust fund kid, and now they're adult. I know a bunch of them.
And I have to say, I don't know any of them that are really happy or really hungry or attacking life. I know a lot of them that struggle. Some people who just raise money for businesses and they're like, and you probably have some friends like that. Not friends, people, throwing their fourth raised of money and the business fails.
They just go raise money again. So that's also a resources. But not resourcefulness. So if we go back to that word, if life happens for us, What if God, the [00:18:00] universe, whatever you believe in set these obstacles in your way to see if you were worthy to gain the success you desire and to get over those obstacles, you have to be resourceful.
You have to figure out solutions. Listen, I've been blessed to start over 13 companies. I've done more success than I could ever imagine possible. I never had anybody lend me money. Give me money. I didn't know what it was like. I wasn't smart enough to raise angel, have angel investors and get my, I had to go in business and I had to make it profitable in the first month.
Or I'd go out of business. So taught me how to be a hustler. Taught me how to market taught me how to influence, taught me how to bring good people together because my butt was on the line. If it didn't work, I'd go broke.
Hala Taha: Yeah.
Dean Graziosi: So it was like poor you no one lend you money. No, not poor me. I know how to start businesses and make them cashflow now because I had to be resourceful.
I just have own of the, seven things that you realize successful people are massively resourceful.
Hala Taha: Yeah. I love that. That you have to be resourceful. I think that's super interesting. So let's say a lot of my [00:19:00] listeners including myself. We have like cushy corporate jobs. And we're comfortable now. So how do we get that resourcefulness that fire under our butts that you're speaking about, if we already made it to a certain level.
Dean Graziosi: Yeah. I love that. What a great question. And that's why there's a whole section in the book about adopting an underdog mindset, right? Because if you don't attack things in a hungry way, you can get complacent.
And here's what I would share is it's great to have a cushy job. And you got some money coming in, but if you looked back, if you have the chance to fast forward, you're 97 years old and you're sitting with your maker, whoever you believe your maker is, and you're having a conversation and you just fast forward.
And what you're doing now is what you did for the rest of your life would incremental raises. If you could sit with your maker and say, oh my God, that was an amazing life. I felt it. I lived to my full potential. Then you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. If you love it and you feel, but if you feel any part of your heart that you are meant for just something different, not just [00:20:00] more money, not just upgrade the five series Beamer to the big Beamer or go to the bigger I'm talking about something.
Where you feel like it's calling you, like you get out of bed in the morning and you feel like you have a calling where you could be a role model where you can tap into another level of potential. We all have. I don't care where you are. There is another level of potential. And when we reach that one, there's another level, stretching your mind, stretching the ability to learn, stretching the ability to impact other people's lives.
If you have any of that, then what I believe is you have to get disturbed within action, you have to get disturb with complacency. And that's just and even when it comes to entrepreneurs, there's lifestyle entrepreneurs and achievement entrepreneurs. I have some people that I know that got to a certain level.
20 grand 50 grand a month in revenue. And they live the life they want, and they wanna just be on autopilot. They don't wanna make more, they don't wanna wait less, but they got their lifestyle. They want, and there's accomplishment based entrepreneurs. It's like accomplished this, but there's a bigger mountain.
There's more to learn. There's more to grow. I wanna get [00:21:00] navigate new territory and it never ends because it's not about the money. It's about the ability to keep growing. So I would just say you have to really reflect and spend a little time and say if you're good with it, don't want anybody to disturb you stay good with it.
But I would say if you're listening to this podcast, or you listening to any podcasts or you're reading any personal development books or success books? There's like a, you might be on 3.0, there's a 4.0 version of you. And what I'd say is find a way to be disturbed and find a way to have an underdog mindset, like attack it.
Like you're not comfortable attack it. Like you have no money attack it. Like people are gonna make fun of you when it doesn't work, attack it, that you have to be. Incredibly resourceful because all I know too is being resourceful brings you alive because you have to think through problems, right?
You don't just go out and cut a check. No, I gotta make this happen.
Hala Taha: You have incredible drive. I feel like I also have this incredible drive. That's why I started my podcast on the side of having a job. And it really does wake me up and it makes me feel so passionate about life. And I can't wait to see [00:22:00] where it goes, but you have this extraordinary drive that doesn't seem to stop.
I wanted to take a look at your content journey. So I scroll through all your YouTube videos all the way from like 2011, like very old videos, maybe even 2007, I wanna say. And some of them had 30 views, 70 views, and then it would jump from like 70 K views to 200 K views. And I was thinking like, how did you maintain that drive?
Where sometimes people were paying attention, then sometimes people weren't paying attention at all. How did you like maintain that grit that drive to where now you have, I think 3 million followers on Instagram. How did you do that?
Dean Graziosi: Yes. So here's what it is. First off, there was a time where I realized that, and this is somebody, any of you that ever wanted, if you're already in there, or you wanna go into something on social media to make more of an impact to get a channel going.
If you just look at it that there might be just one person in the universe right now that needs what you're gonna share. If you look at it through [00:23:00] those eyes, then you don't have to say, wow, I don't have millions of followers. I don't have tens of thousands of followers, but what if it doesn't take 10,000 followers?
What if one person tomorrow, if you shared a message had two views and one of the two we've got to course correct their life or help solve a problem, or allow them to feel better about themselves or gain knowledge to make them go faster. And if you start looking at it through that, Then, it becomes about the impact and the byproduct is more revenue and success.
So I would bet to say, I know what I want out of life. I truly understand what success means to me a long time to dial at it. And of course it was different in my twenties, in my thirties, in my forties, but I know what success means to me. I love giving people capabilities to go faster. Cause I wish.
And I wouldn't have the right knowledge and my twenties, I got a lot of advice, but it wasn't until I really started digging in and learning from people who had already been there till I got the right advice. So I love giving advice. I love car courts correcting people's lives. Not because I'm brilliant.
Not because I have all the answers and I don't give people advice in areas that I don't [00:24:00] know. I would never like what's going on in the world right now. I'm not gonna give advice. I just wanna be an active participant in the fix, the repair of it right in the solutions. I'm not gonna give my advice.
There's people way smarter than me, but you wanna know how to start a business market influence persuade. Bestselling books, build relationships with people. You like, that's my expertise. And I wanna give that to the world. So when I know I want that, and the only way to give it is through enthusiasm.
And if I came on here with you today, I was like, yeah, I've been blessed to do a lot of cool stuff, listen. So just for me, and this is one thing I think everybody should take away from this. Down the four or five things that are real success in your life. So one for me, I love making an impact.
Maybe it wasn't always that when I first started this business, I just wanted to make more money while I was helping people. Right now it's an obsession to make an impact. Number two, I love being a father and a husband. I'm, I'm married to my dreams. I have three amazing children. One's only eight weeks old and I have an an eight week [00:25:00] old and 11 and 13.
That's my life. And I wanna be a present dad when my kids are with me and I pick them up from school every single day, I go to baseball practices, not just the games, being a dad and being a husband is important. My team is extremely important. They're my family. There's 85 of us. I think it's like an extended family and four, I wanna grow contribute
and that's really the four things in my life. And I really say, I know this sounds, I say no to everything else. I don't feel much else out of those four things, but I fight for that. And each one of them light me up like this, but if I was doing something that gave me that money, but didn't allow me to feel aligned.
I don't think I could have this enthusiasm.
Hala Taha: Yeah.
Dean Graziosi: So just balance that know what success really means to you. And if you're not, if you're, if success means a certain amount of money and you got it, but you're still get, not feeling so good, then take a transition, start a podcast like you like do something that just intrigued you and I, and the last thing I'll say about that is if you don't know what else to do, then just being an [00:26:00] investigator reporter
like just keep your eye open for anything that can give you that spark.
Hala Taha: Yeah. I think that's really interesting, essentially. You're saying like, you just followed your values. Like I had nothing to do with how many people were watching or how many views you got. It was more about your values and you just kept doing what you enjoy to do what you found passionate, what kept you enthused.
And it just ended up working out. So that
Dean Graziosi: Yeah, I mean to tell you about my, my, my schedule is really crazy. Life hunner and boys, three kids and writing books, doing courses, doing videos. We put out a lot of content and I still run my business. I'm still CEO of my company. So I make the high-level business decisions, but I told my team, you, you met probably Lucas, that you had a conversation with.
I told my team four months ago, I said, cause they were only booking me podcasts that were like the top podcasts. And I feel blessed with my partnerships and my I've done all the top podcasts. But I said, let's do podcasts where you find somebody intriguing, you find somebody that's really working [00:27:00] hard to make a message.
You find somebody who's like got a heart to serve. I don't care if they're just started. My team is what if they only have 5,000 listeners a month? I'm like they're gonna grow and we can help them grow. And I can deliver contents. So I love making those decisions because I wish someone would have done more of that for me when we first started.
So right all your values and success follows that lot fast.
Hala Taha: That's awesome. So one more concept from the book I wanna cover you say the most powerful advantage an underdog has, is using desperation as persuasion. What do you mean by that?
Dean Graziosi: I've seen some of the people who are best with, people don't like the word sales and marketing, but listen, let's just say it, nothing in the world happens unless you make a sale.
If you don't sell someone to come listen to your podcast, they don't come listen. It doesn't matter if you just put it out there. Like an old movie with Kevin Costner called the field of dreams in the whole movie. I'm saying, if you build it, they will come. If you build it, they will come. If you build a great restaurant, if you write a great book, They won't just come. Barnes & Noble, [00:28:00] 95% of all books that are in Barnes and noble, don't sell over a thousand copies.
Do you know how many amazing books are in Barnes and noble people took years to write them. They put their heart, their soul, they did research. They obsessed, they had sleepless nights. They got done with the book and they're like, yay, it's done. And they got a publishing deal and they put it in Barnes and noble and 800 copies so
why because they built it and it was so good. They just thought people would go viral and do it on its own. At the biggest exception in business. So I want to tell you right now, everybody listening. If you're gonna start a business or you wanna even scale in the company you're at, you must influence and persuade the people that can allow you to go to the next level.
You must. If you're selling something, you must get people to say yes. Now here's the cool part. When you provide amazing value to you, that company you work with, or you provide an amazing product that changes people's lives. Listen, I love selling my book to people cause I know if I read, they read it, I get to change their lives.
Let's just, I just wanna be get selling out of the way, like we must tell, but if you're selling cigarettes or booze to an alcoholic or [00:29:00] selling something bad, that's terrible. But if you're delivering value to your company or value to the world then I think we're obligated to sell, so that's that part.
Now turning desperation into persuasion is when you are an underdog or you adopt an underdog mindset, think about in a corporate world, right? Because you say a lot of people, listen, it's gotta maybe a cushy corporate job, you have to influence and make enough impact. So you could go to the next level.
That's just the way it is. If you look at it through the eyes of no, desperations I you know I'm kicking ass in this job. I'm doing a good job. Listen, I'm gonna go talk to my boss and I want them to recognize what I'm doing that is doing good. It will never work unless there's a feeling of desperation to want that next level.
So even if it's, even if you're completely you never horrific childhood, it doesn't matter adopt that mindset. I desperately want that because here's what I know the most, the greatest salespeople on the planet that I've ever met. And I've been blessed in my travel [00:30:00] all over the world on live events.
I get to watch a lot of them on stage. So many of them have come from a struggling background and that desperation built passion and enthusiasm. I know before I had the intelligence and before I had the money, you know what I had the authenticity and the enthusiasm and the desperation that converted into influence.
I had a tell people to do business with me cause I had no credentials. I didn't go to so I just found a way to turn desire and desperation into authentic persuasion.
Hala Taha: That's awesome. So I heard you also mentioned, I can't remember if it was a podcast or in your book talking about how confidence is really important when you're selling something and how nobody can buy anything.
If you're insecure about what you're saying, could you elaborate on that?
Dean Graziosi: Yes. Have have listened if you're listening right now? Is anything ever good happened in your life when your confidence is down? If you go in and thought you're a superior and you wanna make a change, if you're not confident, if you're looking down, you feel a little nervous, you'd thought about it all night and you [00:31:00] rehearsed what you were gonna say.
And you walk in there with lack of confidence, little cotton, mouth. Do you ever get your way? Never works out. You don't get the girl, you don't get the guy, you don't get the date. You don't get the bank to lend you the money, the partner to be with you. You don't get someone to say yes, if you're in sales, if your confidence is down, if you don't believe in yourself, people don't believe in you.
And the thing I want you to really listen to right now is confidence. Isn't like a one to a hundred scale for me. If your confidence is at a 94 out of a hundred, you're not moving forward in life.
Hala Taha: Yeah
Dean Graziosi: I want you to think about, you have to protect your confidence and when it comes to selling, I watch people on stage a lot because I get to travel around the world and I'll see somebody have so much energy and love and compassion and a great product or great service.
There'll be on stage for an hour and they'll deliver massive value. And I can tell. I'm like, oh, we're getting ready to sell something cause I can watch their mannerisms change. I can watch their face go straight. They turn more like a robot. They [00:32:00] physically back up from the edge of the stage. And that's when you, maybe you guys have seen it or saw it online.
And that's when they go to slides and say, now, if you like that today, that was the tip of the iceberg. I have more and they go to this slide and then a robot and they don't sell anything. Because they weren't, they lost their confidence to sell, or maybe they didn't believe in what they were selling or if someone taught them, sales were bad.
So confidence is so important on every level. And if this is cool with you, I wanna share a couple of things. Really think about confidence.
Hala Taha: Of course.
Dean Graziosi: You won't make decisions you want. If you don't have the confidence, if you're in a job and you want a raise, and you've been thinking about asking for it, if your confidence is down, you're not asked, right.
There's a difference between cockiness and confidence. Confidence comes from purely in your soul. So here's what I wanna share with you, protect your confidence. And there's lots of ways that rob your confidence. One is over right now it's hard with all going on in the world, but watching the news on a regular basis will rob your confidence.
When's the last time you ever watched the news and [00:33:00] thought, oh my God, the world's in such a good place. Watch the news. Then you say, oh crap, this world, America's going to hell in a hand basket. Maybe I should be lucky that I have this job. Maybe I shouldn't ask for that raise. I should just be happy.
I have the job I got. Let me just think safe. Let me say secure. And then. How about hanging out with someone in your life that tells you to stop being a dreamer? You really shouldn't start a podcast. You've got this great job. Why would you want more? Why do you wanna ask for the raise? Like they wanna start their own business?
You hang out with someone like that. You might be powered and strong. You might have the Superman logo onto your shirt, but when you hang out with that person, you button it back up, you go back home and go. Maybe I should be happy with this life. These things are cumulative. Watch the news, hang out with your negative friend.
And then the last thing. It was a bunch of Mike and share. But the last one, I wish someone told me this and gave me this gift when I was younger. Even in your career, your job, your business, whatever it is that you do, stop working on your weaknesses and stop feeling inferior about the things you're bad at. Like today, stop it. When you work on your weaknesses, all it does is make you [00:34:00] feel bad about yourself. And here's a gift. I wish someone gave me. Figure out what you're good at and get amazing at it. And let the stuff you suck at, or you're insecure about, or rob your confidence, let someone else do it or pay someone to do it.
When you can see, I don't care if you've been in a corporate job, if there's something that you hate doing, pay someone to do it. And when that time is being done by someone else, Obsessed on the things that you love that can actually move the needle in your life and watch your ROI go through the roof.
Hala Taha: Wow. I think that is absolutely incredible advice. I think your points about changing your environment, making sure you're hanging out with the right people, making sure that you're not getting consumed by the news and letting that take over your feelings and how you feel about yourself.
I think that's wonderful advice. Another thing that you often talk about is self-education. So I know that you didn't go to college. You're not really a proponent of traditional education. You sell a course with Tony Robbins about how to put on your own mastermind. So [00:35:00] tell our listeners, help us understand why you think self-education is the future of learning.
Dean Graziosi: Here's the thing. I don't like bag on advanced or traditional education just because I didn't go. I just think it doesn't serve people at the level it used to. The world is exponentially grown. And colleges have not kept up. And this is people way smarter than me sharing this as well. But I see it from the outside.
And there's a saying, I heard that if you went back 40 years and you grabbed somebody just 40 years ago, not 400 and you showed them what an iPhone can do and Google and the world, they were like, oh my God. And then if you brought them into a classroom, They'd be like, oh, yeah, it used to be a Blackboard. Now it's a whiteboard.
Hala Taha: This looks
Dean Graziosi: Familiar, like it really changed from the book is the same now as the one, in fact, that's the same exact social studies book. Wow, right. The world was growing like this and education is growing like this. And it's not me just saying it. The world is realizing it. That the knowledge industry, according to Forbes is heading towards a billion dollar a day industry.
And [00:36:00] with the knowledge industry really is people are saying I'm not gonna go to school. I'm not gonna go back to school to get where I wanna go. I don't wanna learn through my own trial and error cause it takes so long. So I'm just gonna find someone who's already done it and paying them to allow me to go faster, allow me to start off where they left off.
If people say to me, explain self-education, you know what I'd say is what would it be worth to you to go back? You had five days to prepare and then you could go back and spend one full day with your 20 year old self. What would that be worth? I never, there's only two answers. People say priceless or millions.
And that seem what self-education is find someone who's already done what you wanna do for the last five years, 10 years, two decades, and find someone willing to extract that knowledge. So you could start off where they left off. That's just, self-education that its best. And we all have knowledge and value in our brains that we need to extract and share with people.
Hala Taha: Yeah. And I really think that's a win-win for everyone. For example, with myself, I have. 10 interns that work on [00:37:00] young and profiting podcasts. And I get to teach. I used to be in radio. I started off my career in radio, and so I teach them everything about production and social media, and I teach them all these things.
And then in return I get, people who can help me scale. And so I think it's definitely a win-win for everyone. And that's probably why you started your mastermind course, right? Because
Dean Graziosi: It is, it is because for me, just on a personal note, I did feel, listen, this is not for me, but I did feel I didn't know the right word. Like I felt that I had no intelligence that I was dumb in school because reading was really tough.
I couldn't comprehend the way other kids seem to be comprehending. And then I remember in 11th grade, I go down to my guidance counselor and she's getting ready to prepare for next year, like SATs and tests. And I said, I'm not taking my SATs. There's no chance I'm going to college. And I remember her sitting there looking at me and she said wow.
So what are you gonna do? I'm like, I'm gonna work on my dad and his collision shop. She's like, maybe he can fix cars or there's a factory that is only one factory. My whole little town I grew up and she goes, the factory is always hiring and they [00:38:00] only hired at minimum wage.
And I remember this and here's the thing why I'm such a proponent. And my, your friend, Tony Robbins, we're the same. Cause he has the same kind of story is that she didn't say to me, wow. College. It was like college. Yay. And like the sun, the clouds parted and heaven sang. And no college was like, oh, a blue collar. Not that there's anything wrong with blue collar, but like blue collar broke minimum wage.
She didn't say there was this middle route of finding people who've already done what you've done. Read books, go to masterminds, be a mentor for someone, go work for someone for free for a year and let them teach you. Like you're teaching your interns. There was no middle of the road. It was like black or white and yes or no success or failure.
And I know what self-education did for me. All of it is self-education. I learned from people who've already done it. I listened to a book every 10 days. I attend masterminds. I attend workshops. I am a voracious learner now. I studied history. I settled for study personal growth, marketing success [00:39:00] business.
I write the book like and it's shifted my life so much. And Tony so much that we just decided we wanted to help the rest of the world, get into this and see how they can go fast.
Hala Taha: That's really cool. And you guys have obviously achieved so much success. So congratulations.
Dean Graziosi: Oh, thank you!
Hala Taha: I'd like to switch gears to something a little bit more personal from my understanding you grew up with divorced parents, I think at a young age, your parents got divorced and then between them, they divorced like nine times.
You seem like a very mentally stable person. Somebody who's really got a good head on his shoulders. So how did their divorce impact you and how did you not get traumatized by that experience?
Dean Graziosi: Actually I did get traumatized. So a really good question and I'll be completely transparent. I am it wasn't. And again, I, when I share, I just want you to know I'm sharing an experience.
I'm not sharing cause I want any sympathy or empathy for it. But my father couldn't really handle the divorce. My father was the youngest of 12. He was sexually and physically abused, like most of his childhood and [00:40:00] he didn't ever repair that. So we have this inner anger. And even, and now with my dad's in a great space and I love him dearly, but my dad struggled with that.
And he pushed his family way and terrorized us in a way without realizing his father physically beat him. And he decided I'll never hit anybody in my family, but it came out in other ways. So there was a lot of back and forth. And my mom, she got married and divorced five times, my dad four.
So marriage didn't seem like a thing. It didn't seem like it worked. And I have to say, I went through a divorce and I never thought I would because of that. But I have to say, I know a lot of the reasons why, and I'm responsible. I have to take responsibility for my part in that. But I had, when I was going through my divorce, when I knew it was.
An absolute thing that was happening. There was no, no way around it. And I'm not an advocate of divorce. I'm just saying this was the decision for us. It caused a lot of anxiety. In fact, if I'll go into this any way you want, but the truth of the matter is it opened up wounds from my four or five, six year old [00:41:00] self.
And for the first time in my life, I had real anxiety attacks. Like I didn't know what an anxiety attack was at. My late forties, I pop Xanax two days a week just so I could sleep. And I don't even take aspirin. I don't drink a lot. I don't take any I just don't like putting anything in my body and I was taking Xanax just so I can get to two nights a week sleep like had crazy panic anxiety, not from the divorce.
Cause my ex and I had already figured that out. We were working on a friendship. We already living in different places. We had already lived in different bedrooms. Three years before we got a divorce. That was fine. But all these old worries of my children came back and it was a really brutal time.
And I tell me what part, I'd love to share what I did to come out of that. What I shifted, how I'm in the best relation, my life, how my kids were thriving, my ex with your friend, what part will it help your audience with?
Hala Taha: I'm interested to understand, like how you first of all, you're friends with your ex. So I think that's relatable to everyone.
Like how did you maintain a healthy relationship with your ex while also getting [00:42:00] married to somebody else? Starting a little new family.
Dean Graziosi: So here's what I may say so I'm just gonna say it like it is a whole, I'm not gonna hold anything back. It was freaking me out and freak out is just a fun way to put, like losing my mind journaling at night.
And I started doing all the things like I am friends with Tony and great people. My buddy, Dr. Daniel Amen. And I went and saw Tony for a couple of days and Daniel Amen for a couple of days. And I read books on it and I was meditating and I was waking up in the morning and doing yoga and I was journaling every day.
I could not. And this is just something for everybody to think about. I did this in business, but I didn't do it in my personal life. And I'll tell you what that is in a minute. I couldn't stop the feelings I had, nothing seemed to be working. I just kept going back to this younger version of myself. And I was like, I felt like I was gonna put my kids through the same trauma.
I went through that wasn't the case, but that's the way my brain was telling me that was gonna happen. And I started thinking, what is one? And this is something I want everybody to take away. If you take nothing from this podcast, [00:43:00] take this. When you can have exponential results when you can solve one problem that solves many.
That's how you grow your career. That's how you grow your income. That's how you grow your business. I do that all the time in my business. What's one thing I can solve that solves multiple things. And I started getting this frame of mind, like nothing seems to be working. I'm losing my mind. And I started thinking of what's one thing.
And the one thing was because I was worried, my kids wouldn't respect me. I wouldn't see him as much. I travel a lot. What if it's not my day when I come back, what if all the values and core beliefs I put into my kids go away. Like I do Sunday meetings with my kids. I pick them up everyday from school. I cook my kids breakfast.
I cook them. I'm an engaged dad. I'm thinking of picture all that. It's going away that their mom's gonna talk bad about me and all of those things. And I'm like, what's one thing I can do. And I have to tell you, my life changed when I realize if I can be friends with my ex like real friends, not just fake, like someone, I made a list of 10 things I could do.
And I sent it to her on how I could be a real friend. And what I said is, [00:44:00] things like I will listen when you talk. I will never disparage your kid. The kids when you're not around, no matter what, when I meet somebody, they have to accept that I'm friends with my ex and then I don't talk bad. I will never say a bad thing about you in the entire universe, anywhere even ever year.
And I just declared these 10 things and said, if I can be friends with my ex, All the other worries, go away. She's never gonna talk bad about me. She's not gonna try to steal and have more custody than 50 50.We, it should be flexible when I travel. And when I found that the answer, not even when it happened, all the anxiety, it was almost like a ship coming out of a storm like Rocky crazy.
Then all of a sudden, boom, it was like a flat surface. And then when that worry was off. And we saw we could do that. My kids saw the respect and one more thing, they will remember, this is a hard one and this relates to what's going on in the world right now. I just decided to replace anger, guilt, worry, frustration with compassion.
Might've been the hardest thing I've ever done. And every time I go, like why does she want that money? I'm gonna look [00:45:00] through the eyes of compassion. And when I started doing it, it became a habit. And within six months, I just always replaced all of those emotions that do nothing but hurt. Destroy with compassion, long story short.
Built a friendship. I had the ability to work on me. I decided I looked internally for the first time on relationship side on a deeper level and said, how can I become a better man? I don't wanna just find a woman that can fill me up. It's like, how do I become a man that attracts a woman? Or we can, I can find the relationship in my life.
And I did a lot of work on me and I got coaches and read, and I interviewed people and great couples and I realized some of those old beliefs from my family's divorces were lingering inside of me. And I got to purge those out. And then Tony made me make a list of everything I wanted in a relationship and everything that wasn't acceptable.
And he said, look at that every single day. And I did, I wanted someone who would love my children, like their own someone who was into health and personal growth. And I wrote all these things down. I wrote all the things that were unacceptable, people that were negative, people that were racist, or people like I had all this [00:46:00] list of what I didn't want.
And I manifested it and I'm married to a woman of my dreams,
Hala Taha: So happy
Dean Graziosi: Yeah, every day. And it's not for Instagram, we're three years in. We're happy as hell. We have an eight week old. My wife already wants to go for number two. Like for that happened it. And this is the last big lesson that I'm, if I took too long to share that, I'm sorry, but here's the last, your next level of life.
And you've heard this before, but I want you to hear it for the first time lives on the other side. I figured even my children, I didn't fear getting a divorce. I feared that even my children, it caused pain and anxiety. Think about this last analogy is you're in a ship and your ships, okay. You're in the bay and use other ships around and maybe your shifts a little bigger than everyone else's or the same size and you're comfortable, but you're just not happy.
But the only way out of that bay is a tornado and it just stays out in the bay and it's always there. And the only exit is through the tornado. You can stay in the bay. You can look back in your life and go. I lived in okay. Life. I wasn't ready for a game. My ex and I hadn't held hands in 10 years. We hadn't [00:47:00] slept in the same bed.
My kids didn't see what love was. I felt empty on the inside. I'd go on stage in front of 20,000 people. They'd all cheer and love me and I'd go backstage and be alone and I'd feel. I had all those feelings. The only way I could find love happiness, abundance was on the other side of the storm. And a couple of times I started going to the storm and I got scared.
I look it, went back like picture that visual. And finally enough was enough.
Hala Taha: Yeah
Dean Graziosi: There was no going back. And I took my ship through that storm and it was hell and I had anxiety attacks and worry. And now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm a better person. I'm a better version of me. I've navigated new territory and I can see through deeper level of empathy and compassion.
And I'm a better dad. I'm a better ex I'm a better husband to my wife, a better leader.
Hala Taha: I have so much respect for you that you found a new woman, but you didn't just leave your family to the side and you prioritized your ex and your children. And that's really respectable. My last question to you, and I know we're really close on time.
What is your secret to profiting in life? This is a [00:48:00] question we ask all of our guests.
Dean Graziosi: I, I said this already, so I don't want, I don't want to beat it up, but really identify what happiness is because it changes all the time. Listen, if I asked you what happened, this was just four months ago before COVID, before all the things going on in America, you would say happiness was different than it is right now.
Everyone has what true happiness is. What true success means to you and fight for it every single day. That drives me. That's my greatest success. That's my greatest profit is I know what I love. I love being a family, man. I love impacting lives. I love my team and I love growing as a human and I will fight for that to the end.
Hala Taha: That's amazing. And where can our listeners go to learn more about you and everything that you do?
Dean Graziosi: Sure you can. My podcast is doing great right now. Like we didn't put much time in it and now we are, and it's, I think it's in the top hundred business podcasts. It's the Dean Graziosi show. I do a story on Instagram every day.
Instagram is growing like crazy. And if you wanna grab my latest book, you can go to Amazon or you can go to Deansbook.com. That's the [00:49:00] underdog advantage.
Hala Taha: Awesome, Dean! I think this is an incredible conversation. Thank you so much for your time.
Dean Graziosi: Oh, you're awesome. Thank you. Pleasure meeting you.
Hala Taha: Pleasure meeting you too.
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