[00:00:00] Hala Taha: Young Amp Profiters, are you ready to become your most confident self? Do you feel like your confidence is holding you back from achieving your dreams? Well, if this sounds like you, then you certainly need to tune into today's episode where I'm interviewing Lisa Bilyeu. She is the host of Women of Impact.

She's also the best selling author of Radical Confidence. And Lisa definitely knows a thing or two about confidence. She started as an insecure housewife that was tied to her identity of being a wife and a mom. For many years, she was stuck in that box. But once she felt unhappy, she wanted to do something more.

And she broke out of her shell, essentially. And became an entrepreneur. She had to learn skills that she never had. And she ended up creating a billion dollar company alongside her husband, Tom Bilyeu, called Quest. She sold her company. They started Impact Theory. The Impact Theory Network is a huge YouTube and podcast network now.

It includes Tom Bilyeu's show, Impact Theory, as well as Leisha's show, Women of Impact, and they are changing the lives of so many people, both the physical and mental lives of people with Quest, their nutrition company, as well as Impact Theory. Which is sort of like a mental health company. It's content to help people think better and be better.

So the last time that Lisa was on the show, that was episode number 213 and we went really deep on her come up story. And today we're really going to focus on radical confidence, her book. We're going to talk about how we can become confident. What are the tools that she has for us? And we're going to talk about relationships and what we need to avoid when we are in a relationship because we can't get validation and confidence from other people.

We need to have confidence within ourselves, but having a toxic person in our life can certainly pull us down. So we're going to talk all about that. Lisa, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.

thank you so much 

i am so excited for this interview so last came last year episode and we did a deep d. On your entrepreneurship story you cofounded the billion dollar company called que and 

And this episode today we're gonna really focus on your real release book called radical confidence so very excited to talk to you about that and my first question today for those who aren't familiar with your story es about why you're so passionate about helping other people become successful and you specifically try help women become more successful so are you so passionate about that 

[00:04:04] Lisa Bilyeu: yeah.

I really think that for myself i really struggled en believing in myself en learning the skillsets that i needed to en order for me to show up and actually achieve my dream and when i look back at what were the things that were holding me back it was a just the messaging i got Growing up as a young we girl that told time and time again that my future was going to be I'm gonna get married I'm gonna have kids the end and that literally was the story that i grew up believing.

When i think about the life i coulda had how far forward i could have been if i didn't have a belief system that didn't serve me and what my life could look like oh my god i to like that the that's the gift that i wish every woman had so i didn't have to go through it so that became and the confidence was it wasn't even learning the business itself.

I don't consider myself smart i was put in a special class for being dyslexic so i really struggle but learning business for me at least was ABC you can read books you can watch videos you can ask questions the i found the hard how do i get out of my own way from mi own belief system that I'm not good enough to get started in the first place.

I think so many women that and that cat so cat end up going anywhere so in writing the book i really thinking about my story I'm always thinking about where women now why do we get how do we get do con to speak up to get and i think that becomes the first step so week end teach business. Pero if don believe enough to get you wont actually get started 

[00:05:57] Hala Taha: so like i mentioned before you helped coun que which became a billion dollar company and you actually started as a housewife and for the longest time you thought you were only gonna be a housewife so I'd love to just give some color about how you were able to transform your mindset to then become an entrepreneur.

[00:06:16] Lisa Bilyeu: I was stuck for eight years i didn't think that i had the right if you were to speak up and say that i was unhappy because i felt grateful and that almost de problem if you will with gratitude gratitude can be beautiful it can really pull you out when something's become a negative it can show you the light it can show you what the positive side of things are.

Can keep yo exactly where you are and that's what happened to me is i stayed exactly i was years i i to be grateful for the i had i and when you use gratitud to you that when and so for me i had that toxic gratitude and it wasn't until i recognize that i wasn't living the life that i wanted. I wasn't speaking up about it i wasn't talking about it so you have to recognize number one that you are not living the life you actually won that's just step one that's just acknowledging that you dream and and getting.

That was the first step then just talking through with Tom my husband who i was taking care of for eight years i had to make that change and so how do i tell the love of my life i no longer wanna take care of him no longer wanna cook for him i no longer wanna clean for him pero i need him to still know that i love him so the transition was step by step be worth.

Ways to communicate with the people around you that you are going to change because not everyone's gonna be happy not everyone's going to like your change so you have to make sure that you're communicating with it you are not asking permission but you are communicating with it and then it becomes if you are building a business what Skill sets do you need to learn en order to grow the business cause who you are today is not the person that's going to run the billion dollar company in five years.

So you need to go what Skill set do i need to adopt today that i need to do in effect if you will that eventually allows me to be to cru it a business build my Career, etc, etc. Pero it becomes these steppingstones and i think what people do es they want the confidence to get started and what don't realize es the confidence the of getting started.

So if you recognize that now what you do in one of my favorite movies is the karate the wax on wa so what you do is you just practice you just keep wax on and wax off 11 you do that as you building your skillsets become competent and its your compet lead to confidence if you are waiting for confidence to get started you are in Awakening you never actually get started.

[00:09:14] Hala Taha: I love that confidence bres confidence that's so good and so one more warm up question and i really just wanna dig deep on radical confidence and go through it no cranny so junior husband Tom you've got this podcast network called impact theory and it started with Tom show impact theory now you've got an incredible show called women of impact and you Guys are changing so many lives.

When you started this you had already built a billion dollar company you already had built something so amazing and so what I'm curious about es what made you Guys feel like well we need to build this other company now when you had such a fulfilling life already 

[00:09:53] Lisa Bilyeu: yes en building que over time it was like.

Imagine if we have a lot of money right so it's like the typical like. Oh my god what are we gonna do with it when buy a house et cetera. Los five years of falling and failing time and time game as we're building the company we realize that we needed a mission we needed a bigger Purpose than just money and now it's it becomes a common thing right when we talk about mission and passion but back then it wasn't and so at the time it was just like we need to tie ourselves to why we get up every.

Fight for the masses fight for the one so what me husband realize es we need to identify entire self ego drive so us now.

And she became so you can imagine as quester building and things are getting hot I'm going back to I'm doing this for mom I'm doing this for my mom because i want mom to be healthy i want mom to

en his ok flash forward now. We use our as

flash forward company gets dollar company we and lovely so we in and we know the money is about to come now like anything.

So we are sitting there me husband we refreshing refreshing his phone on refresh refresh refresh one more refresh my life changes Forever i don ever have to work in my life en that moment we celebrated i a selfie Photo we kis on the we ready back to. So we went back to que that same day

 his parents we so tight to the we we had it still exist we didn't help struggling we sold que it was like I'm not done yet the money in my bank account became right so i pivoted it no longer about the money it was about my mission. Reach mission i hadn't reached my go mom was still struggling and so as we started to develop que thats when we started to realize that that was amazing for people who had already decided they were Worthy enough to pick up a que instead of a but what about people like mi mom who didn't believe she was Worthy she doesn't pick up a Quest ball because she doesn't believe that she's enough.

That moment me y husband ok, we are just playing and pretenden that we wanna help people if we ignor the mind because the body got i got with a. I got with the if you need your body got the if you don't believe good enough how do i convince you how do i encourage you it's the mind. And so that when we realize we have to address the mind if going be very authentic en our message that we actually wanna help people no help people conveni

actually

the cat and then we walked away from Quest because we realize the is the to everything. So that when we just went all in and we way 

[00:13:54] Hala Taha: amazing and i you are crushing it on youtube live on youtube whenever i think about people i of you and Tom on youtube especially and i have to say like you are almost making me up because i feel like i talked to so many people and.

You and Tom are two people that really deserve the audience that you have you are so good for the world and i just appreciate everything that you're doing and everything that you Guys have done already cuz you don't have to do it like you said you choose to never work a day in your life but you choose to show up every day and help people and i just really commend you for that 

[00:14:37] Lisa Bilyeu: thank you and i think the key is that Tom and i now work harder today than we did building Quest.

So so mi ma entra losing a hundred Twenty pounds she's kept off for seven years i still haven't helped women on a so until i do until i created different mechanisms for any woman out there to get confidence o whether that's my youtube channel Instagram. I so I'm gonna keep going because i so believe in that mission the i to not so dog en what you do your belief and your that it becomes deri to your and what i that how i got i was oh, i support, he help and that year ten

sacrifice sacrifice. To the point you end up losing yourself so aún no longer duda. So if i feel like right end sacrificing myself

i wanna make sure i put i do have the energy and the to show up until this point we women haven't been taught that we've been taught live in service of everybody else y burnout that's what i did. It so i make sure that i tap into myself every quota if I'm gonna be honest i just ask myself am i happy do i love my business do i still wanna be on youtube i love being business partner with i every quota i never want to

no. 

[00:16:23] Hala Taha: I love the fact that even you've built this huge thing if it you to walk away and i think that's really powerful you believe in not doing can to us about that 

[00:16:35] Lisa Bilyeu: i will.

I stop the reason es we have belief system so don realize we go i we have to go

and we over time shouldn't do something. It block ourselves if we want to do it if we need to do it if we would like to do it en real time i do i say word. Even if i do it in this interview you see me in more time catch myself and I'll stop and I'll be like ok, i don't mean should what do i actually mean and I'll replace it with the word that empowers me to move towards my goal and ultimately that's everything that i do i have a set of goals and i have a set of values and every day i go what moves me towards that and what doesn't the things that don't move me towards my happiness my goal and even happiness to be honest.

Permanent happiness in that way this move me towards my goals yes o no? If the answer is no. I pause and i come up with a strategy so with the word o shouldn i understand white back i understand what it to my. In time i have to stop myself so that's what i do and in time i come up with a different word that empowers me that little bit of process in that strategy is the things that i do on my mindset with everything that doesn't me i never a place i play and i.

How is it your respons how can you take ownership how do you yourself how do you keep 

 i love that advice and you've got so much good advice like this in your book radical confidence so you first put out this book in Twenty Twenty two and now you are releasing it with a new chapter can you talk to us about why you to release your book.

[00:18:58] Lisa Bilyeu: Yeah so even when i was writing but i never wanted to be an author that was never in my list of would like to do but i had the opportunity they reached out to me going back to what is my goal to help women on a global scale. Okay, does a book help women on a global scale yes should this be priority over my youtube videos yes es because it's a different mechanism because I've really got the youtube channels so now people that like books i can reach them in different places so that's how i decided to write the book in the first place.

As i was writing it i was like what are the things that got in my way that really impacted me building my confidence that eventually led to me having a life i feel i th and in hindsight i think everything is a lesson is a lesson success is a lesson so after i the book over time what i a lot of women were coming up to me and saying that their confidence got dented by toxic relationship.

And in a toxic relationship if they weren't with someone that was gaslighting them for ten years if they weren't with someone that was abusing them or just someone that actually made them feel numb no even to that extreme t. Women con more a more potentially having to house. All these things that we think of as being stress having a relationship that brings you down will be one of the top things that sucks your confidence out in a and so 11 i really identified that i was like i have to talk about my post toxic relationship before i met mi husband the reason being he.

And it wasn't kind it wasn't even like dismissing he would actually out loud no that brings me down that made me more go after my dream that in speak dream

flash someone like my husband who uplifts me who contributes to my confidence. He the one i like. Oh, my god I'm gonna do this book i d. What I'm doing and he's the one that's like you got this. So i building my confidence as im taking off the plane as you take so I'm building my confidence about writing a book as I'm writing the book and mi husband my there two he could the toxic person that brings me down me that my book thats the idea of what I'm doing o it could be like you got this imagine all the women you are going to help even today when i made my book announcement he came on my life and he was sick.

He's coughing and he's sneezing and he's like if i got the flu and I've got the fi I'm still gonna show up for you that's what the difference between a toxic relationship can do and a healthy relationship and the impact it can have on a woman and her confidence i didn't really feel the Weight until after my book came out so that's really what the extra chapter is about.

It how to identify a relationship that isn't you its how to address it you live its how you got and the last thing my god i definitely to i can control can control so i ownership over the fact that i in that relationship i took ownership in the fat that i became toxic too. As a Defense mechanism so when hes coming at me when he is yelling at me when he is calling me names how do i protect myself instead of leaving i wish i i didn't feel i had the confidence to do it i back as a i have to that my Behavior rela just so for me it was about identifying the participated en.

Ven going how do i make sure i don't do that in the future how do i build my confidence back and how do i make sure that when i get into a new relationship that it is somebody that actually deserves mi and how do i set boundaries and guidelines so that i never trapped i wanted a hold onto my confidence and i wanted to make sure that the next person i was with wasn't going to even potentially erode it now here's the tricky thing you never know you never know.

Who you get with and how they going to be so when i met Tom i came in with a set of boundaries id already built my confidence back cuz that's important i don't rely on him for my confidence i built it myself and then i start with him and when we were Dating over time i start to these are my non negociables these are my boundaries these are my value system this is my belief system.

Over time how does he respond if he diss goodbye and i just told myself this is what you stand for lisa if someone disrespect again under no circumstances you that con and you can have a if you

Tom

time. I had an opportunity to be vulnerable i was en every single time he had an opportunity to use my vulnerability against me en un argument he never did and so that's how i went from having a toxic relationship that ripped confidence literally it a bit confidence back even elevated my confidence even more en my new relationship.

[00:24:41] Hala Taha: This so good and to your we've gotta figure out how to be confident ourselves before we can work with the relationship and try to make sure that we've got the right boundaries and things that we have a healthy relationship starts with ourselves first having confidence with ourselves so you try this book radically confident what is the radical mean radical c what that mean, tío.

[00:25:04] Lisa Bilyeu: Y ese people kept lisa yo c. You're so confident and it never felt true to me i was like who they seeing i look at women and I'm like oh my gosh she's so confident i wish i was like her sa williams right I'm just like that freak i wanna be confident like her but i never felt like i was the thing that people would look at to be confident so it was really surprising to me so i was like what are they seeing and what i realize they just see me take action.

Me get in front of the camera they don't all the negative mindset and the insecurities that mi mind was spinning before get in front of the camera they just me getting in front of the camera so they confidence and i realize that its actually misleading to people and it's misleading if you think that just because i get in front of the camera just because i speak my mind that i have confidence.

Isn't what i have es radical confidence and to me what that mean es i freaking petrified i don believe in myself i have insecurities i have a world ego just like everybody else por what i do ego gets in the way i have all of por what i do es i just keep going back to what is my goal and does that mindset serve me yes o no?

If the answer is no how do i have some ability to keep showing up. And that ability became radical confidence it means that i have no idea what I'd doing it means that i don't have the confidence that I'm actually gonna do a good job you better believe I'm gonna learn and so now anything i tao i just have a mindset I'm a and so en of Congress i have the hell I'm say in front of Congress.

I I've a lesson I've and c. It becomes the Stone and the and i es that confidence misleading i word so i feel radical just so on. It to keep showing up every single day it means you got confidence over and over especially if you start a business especially if you trying anything new and so how you keep going its radical confidence 

[00:27:19] Hala Taha: so something in your book that i love that you say is that you say we should use our insecurities to drive ourselves to fuel ourselves towards our goals.

So how have you done that en life can you explain to us how we can do that 

[00:27:33] Lisa Bilyeu: yeah incur es the you back good at so i won try it i dunno so i won learn it and incur en the past really did hold me back i didn't wanna be mocked i didn't wanna be teas and i didn't wanna look que Stupid. I at school i was d.

Special class so all of these things contributed to me never showing wees failures the last thing i wanted to get and so the insecurity back time over time I've just assessed why am i still not where i wanna be why was i stuck for eight years serving. Everybody except for myself it my incur it was my incur someone me i and these people's opinions i so i to protect myself what i i was actually doing the opposite i was actually Feeding my insecurities.

More more more i era and so would it look if you just to incur to i did i just embrace what is my insecurity lets just bien in front of the camera thats the one we are right in of the camera so i had a mission to help people i now really wanna help women. Okay, i know my goal i know what I'm trying to get to and.

Four years i wanna interview women that intimidated me so my response pa I'm just gonna interview women that i know and I'm just gonna do it on zoom and I'm just gonna do on audio so I'm not gonna release the video I'm just gonna release the audio and he just looked to me and he said. We have a set so at this point husband already got show the Studio that you see we've got six cameras we've got light we've got the team and he's like babe why wouldn't you go on camera that makes no sense i was and that i i was my ego i was so worried about being mock and about insecurity.

Was holding me back but my mission is to help women so en that moment i just asked myself with Grace cause there is no wrong gra it just said lisa what's more important yo ego o your mission no. I decided my mission was more important. Okay, so now how do i take my insecurity and use it to help me cuz it was just holding me back so i to listen to that negative voice.

The voice in my head the critic the bit shes just me she's cruel she just wants to ridicule me said. Ok, maybe she just listen what is she actually to tell me. No en listening i started to write down all lisa yo are gonna be made fan off on camera do i think I'm gonna be made fun on camera well because people mo your big nose okay, well I'm not gonna get plastic Surgery so it is what it is right and i would just keep going.

And one of them ok, i s and im gonna be do i wanna s o do i wanna embrace im gonna get in of the camera and so as i i if you want s that just me. Ok, well you wanna don't wanna pretend you s. So i guess you're just gonna have to embrace that some people you qui myself for what my insecurity was telling me and how i could eventually turn that critic in my head into my coach and that was a final piece i was like.

Oh. The my head is actually my bf she helping guide she telling

she them out ahead time so have a plan in place thank you negative voice for helping process en order for me to show up en.

[00:32:02] Hala Taha: It's so good what you're saying like how you can use your insecurities to then help drive you do the things that you need to do even though it's uncomfortable there are things you need to do to accomplish your mission the other thing that you got over was your identity so you had basically drilled this identity of housewife mom in your head and you were very laser focused on that and that was something else you had to overcome to then accomplish your dream so talk to us about that.

[00:32:29] Lisa Bilyeu: Yeah i what i call like the velvet handcuff so it makes you feel good right when someone says. Oh, yo great so great stay a home wife. Me imagine i don't wanna be a stay a home wife they great in of its like. Ah, at I'm good at something i didn't believe myself this is before que. So i don't believe in myself I'm being told time and time again.

Oh my god you're such an amazing wife i can't believe how much you take care of Tom i got that from Tom i got that from my mom i got that from my dad i got it from everybody return to Tom my yo so lucky your wife takes care of everything what a great wife so i started to identify with being a great wife but i didn't wanna be a stay at home wife.

To my identity and the identity wasn't even something that i wanted so you can see how your identity can actually trap you and so what i do right now i re what my identity and if it with the person i become and it doesn't then a i go cool how do i make sure i now no longer get my validation from this identity that doesn't serve me.

That becomes a Skill set what do i need to do. Okay, if I'm feeling great about people saying that I'm a great stay at home wife what can i do that solely based on mi en my own ability to validate myself all right well i really like working out i really want to do fifty pushups so you know what I'm just gonna build my validation on the fact that right now i can only do two pushups but I'm gonna promise myself that I'm gonna show up at the gym every single day en service of trying to get better at pushups.

It abstract has nothing to do with work valid within myself i said i was gonna do something and I'm working every day to achieve the same with the book i said I'm gonna write a book I'm going to build my validation every day en working on the book i said i to write book i need to be proud and the problem is if you start to identify as let say i wanna be one new times best.

I do wanna be that but if i tie identity tu only da now you can see I'm not even happy o validating myself a book im actually invalidating myself that i didn't new York times number one so be careful of what you identify whether that's title it just a job description so right now my job description technically is un president of impact theory i love that.

Wanna sure every do you still wanna be the p. De identity i know and in front of amazing women like yourself like. Oh my god theory so great you as a wonderful co. I take it as a wonderful co you can see how that could potentially trap me en the future to never leave that position I've got amazing women like you given me compliments that I'm president of a company that maybe you admire.

[00:35:41] Hala Taha: So talk to us about why it's so important to not have validation externally why you say no one's coming to save you right you've gotta validate yourself why is that so important. 

[00:35:52] Lisa Bilyeu: Ya 

yo depende people yo depend on how they feel their mood is they're going through en their life so i was rely on husband valid me he would go to work.

He would come home. He have a hard day work. He be he wouldn't wanna talk about work. He wouldn't even ask me about my day because he's miserable. Now imagine i build my validation on how he grit every day if. He comes home and he is like baby you are you such a great wife look at all this on those days i feel amazing on the days that he feels, he

he employees people of que and he comes home and he doesn't even notice that he has got his food. He doesn't even notice that a interpret that as my validation of maybe i haven't done a job. On him and what he and so i over time that i cannot re on him in that way i think super important having a loving i important to me en my life i

de my rela so I'm very clear va even en saying that. It not mí that mi validation and identity es built on anything else other than so i choose to and 11 i realized i spoke to him about it sometimes he's just like but i like being your night and so here's the difference between I'm like baby you are i can't tend you to save me i need to be able to get up myself and then we can on the together i have to have the ability to get up.

I appreciate that yo standing next to me and help me if you not if youve got a bad day what if what if what if what if i can't re on that so discussing it with the people around you and making sure you going back to one self i can control what the people i can control it became the biggest.

[00:38:12] Hala Taha: 

 else you discuss in your book es having a well define goal or plan towards your dreams right you say hazy foggy go dreams floating up in the clouds and it's so true if you don't define your if you don't know what direction you're going you're gonna go nowhere right.

[00:38:37] Hala Taha: So one of the things that you and to do you play this game which i i loved it called no bullshit what would it take right and that really helps you understand what do you i actually have to do talk to us about this game and when you Guys play it 

[00:38:50] Lisa Bilyeu: yeah so identifying the go is gonna be super important because so many people are like.

Oh, i haven't reach what to empower people.

I want someone to interact with a piece of content of mine and then they make a change in their life to better themselves right down you said you doing a piece of content you said when someone watches it they now you've got wait in a mechanism to know. How many people have seen my video if i wanna do it on a global go i want a hundred thousand people to watch ten of my videos consistently for the next month now you've got Metrics that you can hold yourself to to know if you've got there o not that's the first part of why you need to hold a go because otherwise you never a fuzzy target is hard to hit make that target super freak nada.

The second part. Es so many times if you set a go be and you dis and then you move on and then yo Wanda unfortunately years later why you never actually hit go so what time and i do is we play the game no bullshit what would it take and what that is all and excuses of do so many videos ten videos a hundred thousand views within thirty days what ok, now i.

I can't do that that's a lot of videos that's a lot of people right and then i move on i go no bullshit what would it actually take for me to make ten videos that's the first step all right maybe i have to cancel date night maybe i have to say no to hanging out with my friends maybe i can't afford to go on that Starbucks run that i do every day because i need to save the money to make the video so i can afford an edit to cut my video.

That's how i get en what would it actually take to get a hundred thousand people to watch ten videos within thirty days and now you just ask yourself am i willing to do it am i willing to starbuck am i willing to no go on date night am i willing fill in the blank then you can just remove your blind and if the answer is no actually i would rather live a life i.

Amazing then you know that's why you didn't reach go you don't yourself over you just acknowledge that's what it takes to get to the go that not the life you want and that should be celebrated that notion that you know actually the goal you said doesn't lead to the life you want 

[00:41:30] Hala Taha: so. So one thing that happened recently is that me you met in person at podcast movement and my business partner Jason after we met it was really funny response that he told me he goes wow.

Have you ever met another successful business owner that's like your high you Guys are so cute together because me and you like five foot. 

[00:41:55] Lisa Bilyeu: Five one 

[00:41:56] Hala Taha: I'm like yeah I'm like five and I'm about five one we we look like we're the same height right and we're both very petit both very successful female entrepreneurs and he was like have you ever really met another female entrepreneur who's your size and he was like dead serious and i thought about it and i was like i guess not really but i wasn't really thinking about it because i don't walk around thinking about like I'm a five foot woman i just walk around thinking I'm jala taja you know and i don't think about it.

So let's talk about our external appear and what we can do to build confidence because your just like me you don walk around like you small 

[00:42:32] Lisa Bilyeu: pues interesting algo 

question ha you no. Thought do think. Has zero impact on capability en 

[00:42:44] Hala Taha: this is. Such a question. 

I feel that when I'm in space where people like conference o something where I've made it to the top of my field i dos i feel big but if you take me to like a family wedding or something where nobody Gives a crap about anything then i might feel small again i might feel like nobody knows who i am especially if it's people that don't know about the personal.

Space podcasting then i feel small so unless people know my company my background and everything I've built i feel small 

[00:43:19] Lisa Bilyeu: and that's really thank you for being so honest because for me i acknowledge that Growing up i was the chi and what was and videos

super freak.

Like

i grow i a. I think that had to do

step a and so Growing up i was very aware of my how small i and i would use voice and aggression. Just like que chi as a Protective mechanism and what i realize that isn't a strategy lisa so over time i just built my confidence and i actually don't think about my at all at all no i am o actually unless i in and i can't find my husband because I'm so short he can't see me over like so we have like a.

Family we can i am aware i just confidence to be honest im so strong and i have such. Solid concrete mind how i think that doesn't mean I'm great at everything that doesn't mean that I'm perfect it just means i am so strong the way i think that now any incur just im not perfect by but i realize that my aggression.

And Behavior en feeling small small so i can't change sure feel i a Physical o i

little tip tactics that.

Con i have the confidence o 

[00:45:42] Hala Taha: that's how i feel too i feel like if I'm dress in the way that i feel comfortable not in the way that other people want me to dress if i have my hair makeup the way that i want then i feel the most comfortable and powerful so I'm totally with you about having your own style embracing it so let's move on to.

New chapter of your book and dig a little deeper on that so you define what a loser is in your book you say number one a person who is incompetent constantly fails and is destined to disappoint and number two somebody who writes your confidence and keeps you from finding the person who actually deserves you so how does Dating or marrying a

[00:46:23] Lisa Bilyeu: if you are with someone that's truly toxic and my ex was verbally abusive. De so much that goes on where you dunno whats up down you don't even trust your own thoughts your own feelings and when someone can your dream dream.

Keep saying it isn't so maybe because you love them so if you love someone hopefully you show respect for them if you respect someone you hopefully listen to what they say now when that's not too sided and you are doing that and you're just listening to what that person say over and over and they know you are listening and they know that they can.

Some control you through the manipulation then they're going to lean into so what i did is i respected him i listened to him so he was mocking my dreams it made me down my dreams could be o he would mo my yo im completely Insecure he's mi first boyfriend I'm sixteen years old mi validation comes from him and he pinches my way saying that I'm putting on a little fat.

That into bad relationship with food there's a lot of other Reasons i had the man that was borderline anorexic so i don't just wanna pretend it was just him absolutely contributed to me putting validation to you get love affection appreciation when you are skinny what does that do to an Insecure sixteen year old.

Y believe doesn't help build confidence that damages confidence that makes me eat les that makes me look at my body morere that makes me focus on appearance more that makes mi confidence go down if you eat thing that makes you bloated that day that made me feel badly about myself and so over time the and the perfect i.

Over time to that rock the ends up chang shape youtube years years so soft over time just enough that i feel self someone that doesn't serve you and so those are just a few examples. I was che on him when i really wasn't at all. He confessed he cheated on me he did it in a way that he like me and so he actually just me didn't tell me what.

He was doing made me question myself then i started to be of course that's lisa didn't have the confidence i just thought my validation was feel good about myself so i would to come back

women. At the time it was just very big ten people es a big deal and even the way. He told me so he so he makes mi desperate get back with him hidden drops this bomb and guess what i do I'm like. Oh, its fine i just want you back so the manipulative tactic that was played in the strategy. Yo i si. You can imagine by the end how i felt about myself how i saw myself my incur my 11 i left him it took me to con i someone like Tom i was very confident en laying out my ground and.

[00:50:14] Hala Taha: So i am with the other women that talked to you when you were telling me about you releasing this chapter you said a lot of women told you that their confidence y wroted from a bad relationship and when i think about the worst times in my life where i didn't have a lot of confidence it was in a bad relationship so i totally agree and i know we're running at time so my last question for you is what words of encouragement would you have to a woman out there who believes it's impossible for me to find.

Perfect Uplift me can support no perfect person me and i just settle with who i have right now because I'm never gonna find somebody who loves me like him like what are your words to get out of a bad rela 

[00:50:56] Lisa Bilyeu: someone came to me 

the exact words you just said to me my response es your rights now the reason why i say your right is que you just said it's impossible so if you think it's impossible then of course.

That where you going to end up en that type of relationship what you need to do as the words of encouragement es you need to start changing your freaking words tell yourself that its possible because if you don't believe its not gonna happen it es possible but the first step is you have to understand and believe otherwise you won act in actions or reflection e our belief system.

So if you believe it's impossible yes you will end up in a relationship terrible i don I'm just saying if you don't think it's possible to find someone that's going to Uplift you then you going how do you make sure you don't settle you gotta tell yourself i have a es generously supportive and so if nothing else proof of concept it does exist.

Easy you have to work con yourself la person has to work con them so there's a whole load of things that need to go into having a healthy relationship but never eva should anyone think that they have to settle for what is in fun of them you freak deserve more and you have to stop be you deserve more and that all telling yourself that its possible.

[00:52:22] Hala Taha: Well thank you so much lisa for joining us on young podcast again her book radical confidence it with the new chapter if you Guys are in a relationship that's hurting your confidence i highly recommend that you go check it out we did not cover nearly as much of the good gems that are in that book so there's so much more to learn from lisa lisa thank you so much for joining us.

[00:52:45] Lisa Bilyeu: Thank you and i just wanna take one moment to let your audience know like when i met you in person home i was so freaking impressed and i love to surround myself with empower women that Uplift that that have huge the of the people you surround yourself with and so meeting you and what you stand for and what you are doing home me i freaking applaud you and I'm so damn impressed of what you built.

You the wanna en you

[00:53:22] Hala Taha: thank you so much i love spending time with you you're always welcome you sosm 

[00:53:30] Lisa Bilyeu: thank you mami. 

[00:53:31] Hala Taha: I loved having Lisa back on the show. She and I have so much in common. She's such a hustler. She's so positive. She's so cool. She's so down to earth. All those things make us the same, not just our height. Radical confidence is such a powerful way to express that ability to keep showing up day after day to do what it takes to get the job done and to get it done right.

To have the mindset to take on your mistakes, but to not let your mistakes define you. Lisa spoke about how we can even use our own insecurities to drive ourselves toward our goals. If you're trying to protect yourself from your own fears, from other people's opinions, then you're doing yourself more harm than good.

The only way to move past such insecurities is to confront them head on. And the same can be said about toxic relationships, according to Lisa. A bad relationship can hold you back on so many levels, and it can put a huge dent in your confidence. A bad relationship can affect you just as much as losing a job, having a health scare, or enduring some other form of chronic stress.

A bad relationship, guys, will ruin your life. You've gotta pick your relationships, especially your significant other. You've gotta make that a really important thought through decision, and you've gotta realize that that person's gonna impact your future, your financial well being, your stress, your happiness.

That person is going to mean so much to your future. I was in a relationship with somebody who didn't want me to become an entrepreneur. And the second I left, my company skyrocketed, my life skyrocketed, I was happier, and I just wasn't controlled anymore. If you're in a toxic relationship, try to figure out how you can take the steps to get yourself out of that relationship and get more control over your life.

And give your space the opportunity to find the right person, because if you can find the right person, a person who can lift you up, and contribute to your confidence, and support you in everything that you want to do, and bring joy to your life, and you guys like doing the same things, and you have good communication, and you want Both of you benefit from the relationship, then that relationship can be a force multiplier in your work and your life.

And it's worth waiting for. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Young and Profiting Podcast. Why not be a force multiplier right now for another person? If you listened, learned, and profited from this conversation with the amazing Lisa Belyeu, then please share it with somebody who could learn from it as well.

And if you did enjoy the show and you learned something new, the number one way to thank me and everybody who works hard on this show is by dropping us a five star review on Apple Podcasts. If you prefer to watch your podcast as videos, you can find all of our videos uploaded on YouTube. Just look up young and profiting.

And you can also find me on Instagram at YAP with Hala or LinkedIn by searching my name. It's Hala Taha. Before we go, I always gotta say thank you to my awesome YAP media production team. You guys are incredible. I am thankful for you every day. This is your host, Hala Taha, AKA, the podcast princess signing off.