Lisa Bilyeu: How to Cultivate Radical Confidence, Live Authentically, and Become the Hero of Your Own Life | E213
Lisa Bilyeu: How to Cultivate Radical Confidence, Live Authentically, and Become the Hero of Your Own Life | E213
[00:00:00] Lisa Bilyeu: How many of us say, I blinked, and then I look around and I'm like, how did I end up here? That's how it felt that I blinked. I had these dreams. I was this young girl that went to film school. I would wake up at three in the morning to watch the Academy Awards, and then I blink and I'm a stay-at-home wife for eight years and I'm not happy.
[00:00:18] It feels like a blink, but that's utter bs. It's never just a blink. The most successful entrepreneurs are people that actually know when it's time to stop. When it's time to quit. When it's time to let go, not just when it's time to push harder, but you cannot quit on a bad day. Quit any time you like.
[00:00:37] You're just not allowed to quit on days where things are going wrong. Do I actually want this or do I just want to quit? Because it's hard?
[00:00:49] Hala Taha: What is up Young and Profiteers? You are listening to YAP, Young and Profiting podcast, where we interview the brightest minds in the world and unpack their wisdom into [00:01:00] actionable advice, that you can use in your daily life. I'm your host, Hala Taha. Thanks for tuning in and get ready to listen, learn and profit.
[00:01:21] Lisa, welcome to Young and Profiting podcast.
[00:01:24] Lisa Bilyeu: Thanks so much for having me. Great to see you.
[00:01:26] Hala Taha: I am very excited for this conversation. So Young and Profiteers, if you don't know Lisa Bilyeu, she's the co-founder of the billion Dollar Company, Quest Nutrition. She's also the co-founder and president of Impact Theory.
[00:01:38] She's the host of Women in Impact, A show featuring women who have overcame hardship to achieve massive success. And in her book, Radical Confidence, she teaches readers how to dream big, boost their confidence and “toughen the F up.” And this episode will cover how Lisa gained the confidence to make a complete 360 in her life.
[00:01:56] Going from housewife to then co-founder. We'll get the inside scoop on what [00:02:00] it's like to build a billion dollar company from the ground up. And throughout it all we'll get Lisa's best tips for developing radical confidence. So Lisa, from my understanding, you grew up in a Greek Orthodox household. I am Arab American.
[00:02:11] I grew up in New Jersey. You grew up in England, but we have a lot in common in terms of the way that our communities and societies viewed women. So for me, growing up, like one of the main goals of women Arabic women is to get married, and become a housewife and learning your story. I learned that a lot of the adults around you basically told you like marriage is gonna be the way that your saved marriage is gonna, have you be the happy person that you wanna be, and you just gotta wait until you get married and then your life is gonna get better.
[00:02:41] So I'd love to understand what were you like as a teenager? And how did these messages end up shaping what happened to you later on?
[00:02:49] Lisa Bilyeu: I love this question so much because a lot of people do almost blame their past, blame their parents, blame the people around them, that taught them maybe behavior that didn't actually serve us.
[00:02:58] So we all know many [00:03:00] of us women were taught not to have boundaries, right? To put ourselves last. But the point is, I don't look back and blame people. I just try to understand where they come from so that I know how to change. And so to your point about being brought up Greek Orthodox. When I ended up being a stay-at-home wife to my husband, I was like, how the hell did I get here?
[00:03:16] This was the last thing I wanted. And yet, here I am. And in assessing the messages that I was told when I was younger, it was things like I would fall on the floor, scrape my knee as a kid, right? And you're crying. My grandmother's, the way she would console me would be to tell me, it's okay. You'll be better by the time you get married.
[00:03:33] And so when you think about little subliminal messages, like this that girls are getting on the daily. It's basically telling you your life is the epitome. That the whole reason why you are alive, is it's fine. Just get married and everything will be okay. So I understand why I ended up having a mindset that thought that I should, as a woman, be a stay-at-home wife, take care of my husband, and have.
[00:03:55] And so all these little subliminal messages, that I got really did shape. Who [00:04:00] I was and then how I showed up every day. And it wasn't until I started to look up my life and was I happy. Then I started to establish, hang on a minute, I have a belief system that no longer serves me. I have a belief system that doesn't serve my goals and my dreams.
[00:04:15] And so how do I look at this belief system without making myself feel badly? That's step number one. And that was why I looked back with Grace and just say, this is why Lisa. And then two, what am I gonna do about it? How am I gonna change? What am I gonna pivot? How am I gonna adopt a new belief system?
[00:04:30] And so that's like a bit of my background, to set me up for being that stay-at-home wife. That supported my husband for eight years and thinking that was my purpose.
[00:04:38] Hala Taha: And so I followed you and Tom for a while, I've been in this self-improvement space. And you guys have been married for I guess 20 years now.
[00:04:46] Is that right?
[00:04:47] Lisa Bilyeu: We've been married for 20 and together for 23.
[00:04:50] Hala Taha: Wow. So that's such a long time. And based on my research. I found out that you guys met in film school and you actually wanted to get into this field, and you were going [00:05:00] after your dreams. You guys met at film school. So what happened?
[00:05:03] Did you just drop, drop that sort of dream and just went into housewife mode? Did you guys actually talk about that or did it just naturally happen?
[00:05:12] Lisa Bilyeu: So this is the utter fear that I live with on a day-to-day basis is how many of us say I blinked, and then I look around and I'm like, how did I end up here?
[00:05:20] That's how it felt that I blinked. I had these dreams. I was this young girl that went to film school. I would wake up at three in the morning to watch the Academy Awards. And then I blink, and I'm a stay-at-home wife for eight years and I'm not happy, and I don't identify with the life that I now live.
[00:05:36] And so it feels like a blink, but that's utter bs. It's not never just a blink. It's small, little decisions that we end up making. That lead us down a path that we make, believe is the quote unquote right path. The one that we should take, the one that is, going to make other people happy. And we do it, at least I'm gonna speak for myself.
[00:05:55] I did it with a convincing notion. That it's just this one little thing. You're just [00:06:00] gonna help your husband out here. You're just gonna stay at home for six months. You're just gonna support him for a little bit. You're just gonna put his clothes out, right? And it becomes, I'm just gonna sacrifice for a minute.
[00:06:08] It's not gonna be my entire life. I'm just gonna sacrifice. And what ends up, or at least happened to me is within that sacrifice. Where Tom wanted to go and make enough money so that we could make movies together. So that's where the dream started. And in that dream, it's cool, babe, you are gonna go out.
[00:06:22] And we started to do research to see what was the most impressive entrepreneurs out there, and how did they live on a day to date? Because you can get blinded by the success. The wealth all of that, but how do they actually live? So we looked at Steve Jobs at the time, this is around 2003. So we look at Steve Jobs and we're like, how does he live his life?
[00:06:40] Not like on a high level, but what does an average Wednesday of his life look like? And so we started to study and we'd heard these interviews, where he basically always wore that black t-shirt of the black polo neck and jeans. And the reason was is he was like, I can only make a certain amount of decisions in the day with utter clarity.
[00:06:55] And so why the hell would I waste on something? What am I gonna wear? Taking that idea, [00:07:00] Tom and I were like, we're partners. All right, babe, you go out and work. I'm gonna take care of everything. That all you have to do is wake up. Your clothes are waiting for you. You walk out the door, I hand you breakfast, you come home, dinner is waiting.
[00:07:14] And I felt good about being a partner, that can make 50% of the decisions in service of a bigger goal that we have together. Now, going back to that small little thing. I said to myself, I could do that sounds easy. I can put out clothes for my husband, cook for him because in a year we're gonna make movies.
[00:07:32] So I just need to do it for six months. I just need to do it for a year. And then what ends up happening is you start to, at least for me, I found validation in that thing, because I started to feel worse about myself cuz I was like, I don't wanna be fitting clothes out. I don't wanna be putting cleaning.
[00:07:48] And we all as humans, have a way of self-preserving ourselves. And in that moment of as I was starting to cook and clean. I realized I needed to preserve my self-esteem. And so I started to develop an [00:08:00] identity of being an amazing wife. Now what happens is you lean into that identity, even if it doesn't serve you. It makes you feel good.
[00:08:08] So on the days where you are having really hard time. Where you're doing stuff, where you're like, this was not a dream. I was a kid and I wanted to be a freaking astronaut, and here I am picking up the my kid's poop all day. Whatever it is, it's like how do you go back to realigning with that freaking dream?
[00:08:24] Because now you're not just dealing with the act of cleaning up your kid's poop, right? You're actually dealing with something that's way bigger. Which is internal validation versus external validation, which then feeds into your identity. So eight years later, I found myself still cooking and cleaning for my husband and using the idea that it's just for another six to eight to 12.
[00:08:48] And that is how I think all of us get into a repetitive behavior. And then one final thing to add to this is what I call purgatory the mundane. Which is so many of us women will [00:09:00] just keep doing it for the greater good of our family, the greater good of our friends, the greater good of like the commitment that we've made.
[00:09:05] And what we end up doing is we don't look at our lives and our lives are just mundane enough. I'm sure you've interviewed a ton of people. Where it's like their life goes to crap and they're like on their knees and they've hit rock bottom. And in that moment they're like I've got nothing else to lose.
[00:09:19] I may as well go for this massive audacious dream. And in that becomes the success, but the people that don't have that earthquake shattering on your knees. What the hell am I doing with my life moment? You self soothe yourself by just getting up the next day, and repeating your same behavior of cooking and cleaning, and doing something that doesn't serve you.
[00:09:41] Hala Taha: It's so interesting what you're saying. Like we all get stuck in the routine and you can't really see the big picture. And something that I heard you say on another one of your interviews, that I thought was really interesting was this idea, that you tell yourself you're grateful for the life that you have.
[00:09:57] Like when you don't hit rock bottom. You're like, it's not bad [00:10:00] enough to complain. Like, how dare I complain, that I've got an amazing husband. I've got a roof over my head. Like I can buy basically whatever I want or however you justify. Why it's okay that you're not living your own identity in your own dream.
[00:10:13] So I'd love to talk to our listeners about how gratitude isn't always the best thing that you should do.
[00:10:19] Lisa Bilyeu: This was one of these moments where I was like, oh my God, we're trapping ourselves because we hear something and we're like, this could be really useful. Especially when you're an entrepreneur growth mindset, right?
[00:10:29] You're always looking for that new thing, that new way of improving, getting better. And so I was in this, I wasn't an entrepreneur back then, but I was trying to, in that moment, in those moments where I'm like, oh my God, I'm a housewife, and again. I need to state, there's nothing wrong with being a housewife.
[00:10:42] It's so damn difficult. I'm saying it as if that wasn't my dream. So in that moment where I realized I'm not living my dream. You find ways as humans to self sooth. And so how do we self soothe? Gratitude has become a piece which can be beautiful, right? Anytime that you [00:11:00] are thinking negative thoughts, anytime you're just like a Debbie Downer, and you can't get yourself outta the rut, you better down.
[00:11:05] Use gratitude as a way to pull you out of that. Here I am wallowing in all this stuff ,when actually I should be so down, grateful for X, Y, and Z. It's damn powerful. The problem is people don't talk about where it spills into toxic gratitude. And this is like one of the biggest prisons that I didn't realize I was in because I was using this gratitude piece. In the first year, it was wonderful.
[00:11:26] In the first year and a half, it was fantastic. In the second year, it was good. By the fourth year, I was like, by the eighth year, I was like, this is what's keeping me stuck, because I was repeating the things that I wasn't happy about, and then ignoring it with something I should be grateful for. Which what did that end up doing?
[00:11:42] It made me not actually take action on the things that bothered me. And so in this moment where I'm like I really don't wanna be a stay-at-home wife. Or, you know what? Like I'm actually really freaking bored. Like I'm so bored, I don't know what to do with myself. And this wasn't the life that I dreamt of immediately.
[00:11:59] [00:12:00] The self sooth, soothing part of my brain jumps in and says, Lisa, imagine that you weren't in this position. How many people out there would love to not have to work, right? And this is before Quest when my husband was literally. I was a stay-at-home wife taking care of his closing food.
[00:12:14] So every time this voice in my head that was like, you are not happy. You are not happy, you are not happy. I would literally just squash it. We are like, but you are grateful. And so that was where I was like, I've now used, this isn't actually held me back. It hasn't actually helped me propel.
[00:12:29] Hala Taha: I think that's super, super interesting because it's the discomfort to your point, and allowing yourself to hear. What the unalign is in your mind so that you can actually make a change.
[00:12:41] But if you're always just like I'm grateful for this. It's it's okay to feel negative. That's how you actually change and know what you need to change.
[00:12:49] Lisa Bilyeu: I love that so much cuz that's how I talk to myself. I'm like, I don't like this. Okay, so what are you gonna do about it? And this is obviously the new me cause I never did this before.
[00:12:57] I make sure that I do it. I'm like if you don't like it, you have a [00:13:00] choice. You have a choice to accept it, or you have a choice to actually do something about it. But it's up to you. Now if you say, I choose to do something about it. Now you then go down to the next path of what are you gonna do about it?
[00:13:11] How are you going to do it? And how are you gonna hold yourself accountable to saying that you are gonna do it? We just need to actually pause and then decide, and then we move forward. But we don't actually realize we have the decision.
[00:13:22] Hala Taha: Totally. So I wanna move into you building Quest because a lot of people, Tom, for a while was like the face of everything, and people don't realize that like you were in the gym, like you were helping out the whole time, and you are the co-founder of this company. Which is absolutely amazing and super badass. And so from my understanding, Quest grew super fast. It's a billion dollar company and I couldn't imagine like how hectic that must have been. And I really wanted to get an inside view of what it was like to be inside a company, that was just scaling so fast where you were one of the leaders of the company.
[00:13:55] Lisa Bilyeu: Thanks. This is one of these really like fun and interesting stories, cuz I'm [00:14:00] sure most of your listeners will relate to this. When you are in it, it doesn't feel like a cool story. When you are in it, it feels like shit is hitting the fan every single freaking day, and you're like, wonder Woman with your cuffs just trying to freaking block the blows.
[00:14:13] And so it's so beautiful to be able to tell the story afterwards. And that has then become something that has allowed me to embrace the crap. When I'm actually in it because I remind myself it never feels great in that moment. So it's just been a great like reminder for my future self. So I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years.
[00:14:31] My husband was miserable, right? He kept trying to chase money, kept trying to chase money cuz we had said we were gonna make enough money so that we can make movies. And so in committed to that goal, he kept doing it. And so he found these guys who are his business partners, they start to build another company.
[00:14:45] They all hate it. My husband becomes utterly miserable and now I'm a stay-at-home wife for eight years. He's coming home every single night miserable. And in that moment I was like, what have we done? We've changed, we've swapped out a dream [00:15:00] for the faineant. And now we are being driven by the money, not by the mission or the purpose. Which back then, it wasn't like people were talking about mission and purpose, so we couldn't really put words to it.
[00:15:10] But that was the truth in that moment when it came to a head, I had to ask myself, what is more important my marriage or this dream and goal that we've said we wanted? And the truth was, it was my marriage. So for the first time, I pulled him aside and I said, babe, this isn't working. And I've lost my joyful husband, and now I'm not living a life that I love.
[00:15:32] Now I wasn't this articulate right, but like I was stumbling through it in like half tears, and I just love you and like it's not worth it anymore. That type of thing. But it really was like, it came to a head where it's we are now actually destructively ruining our spirits, and then our spirits are ruining our relationship.
[00:15:50] And so in that moment, we realized we're never gonna chase money again. And so in that moment, he went in to quit this other company with his business partners, and in saying, I [00:16:00] no longer want to do this. They admitted they were miserable. And so as a collective, they said, all right, we'll start a side company and what are we gonna do that we actually love?
[00:16:11] And so for very different reasons, they chose a protein bar. Now, as the good wife, my identity hadn't shifted. I was still showing up as the wife that was identifying my husband's not happy. Even in this story, I wasn't saying I wasn't happy. I was saying My husband isn't happy. And so we ended up having that discussion.
[00:16:29] He had the discussion with his business partners, and so they all said, let's do a protein bar company now as the good Greek wife. I was like, babe, how can I help? What can I do? Cuz they were still trying to exit, their tech company that they hated. So while they were trying to exit the other company, as people may know juggling two companies is really bloody difficult.
[00:16:47] So when are you gonna make protein bars? When are you gonna ship them out? And I put my hand up and I was like, I can help. I don't have a job. I'll help you. What can I do? But I came in as just the wife that was helping. Now what we didn't predict is that [00:17:00] the company would grow at 57,000%. Now at 57000%.
[00:17:05] What that looks like is you go from zero to a billion dollars within five years. And we got announced as the second fastest growing company in North America within the first three years. So now put yourself in my shoes. Who's been a stay-at-home wife for eight years. Decides to just volunteer to help out her husband and his business partners, and then blink and finds herself in the midst of growing a shipping department.
[00:17:30] Cuz that was where I started. I was like, I can ship bars from my living room floor and going a 57,000%. I went from shipping bars from my living room floor. One day, within a couple of months. I'm taking a big garbage bag of bot orders over my shoulder and I'm walking to the post office, within two other months. I've got a garage and I'm shipping out of a garage, and having UPS pick it up to you, blink another year later, I've got a 10,000 square foot facility with 40 employees working directly under me.
[00:17:57] So as somebody who is very insecure, [00:18:00] very vulnerable, very sensitive, or like I used to be, get ups bullied as a kid. So with all of this growing up, I just had to learn and I had to learn quickly and every time I hit a roadblock, and I'm surely entrepreneurs know this, Every time you hit a roadblock, there's no one to turn to.
[00:18:16] There's no one to blame, there's no one to point the finger at, and cause my husband was still trying to sell the tech company. I was the responsible one that everybody was turning to on the daily. And then the final piece is when you have something that is collateral that is very valuable to you. You better believe you're gonna fight for it.
[00:18:34] We decided, we'll, putting up our house up for collateral. So if the company lost, we lost our house. And so now you can imagine the wife Lisa, who didn't know how to be a boss. Who had never really been an employee before, who really didn't know what she was doing. Every time I hit a roadblock, every time I had to use, learn a new computer software system, or I had a time where we were able to have a potential to get bars to [00:19:00] Justin Bieber in Dubai.
[00:19:01] And so you can imagine a small business. You get the opportunity for one of the biggest stars in the universe. To hold your product. So now I've set the stage, I have no idea what I'm doing, right? I know how to like print stamps and. I hit up my UPS company and I'm like, Hey guys, we gotta get a food package across the country, across the world to a country Dubai, who already has very strict regulations.
[00:19:26] And by the way, we need to do it in 48 hours. Now in any situation, your average employee would go into that situation, and they would call up the UPS guy literally said, no, sorry, it's not possible. They would've put the phone down. They would've gone to their manager and they're like, sorry, we can't do it.
[00:19:40] Now when it's your business, when your house is up for collateral, even though I had no idea what I was doing in that moment. I could have been petrified. I could have let my self-esteem get in the way. I could have let my ego get in the way of I dunno what I'm doing, and this isn't my job or I can figure it the F out.
[00:19:57] And so in that moment I was like, you [00:20:00] just have to figure it the F out Lisa, cuz no one's gonna care about your business more than you. And this wasn't like a deliberate thing, it was just me scrambling to go, shit, I can't let people down. I can't lose my house. Hell, everyone's relying on me to get these bars out.
[00:20:12] And so I called up the UPS guy and he said no. So I said, can I speak to your manager please? So his manager comes on and his manager's no, can't do it. So I was like, can I speak to your manager please? So I had a whole list of questions and I just started going, cool, what are the questions I can ask?
[00:20:25] Where there's nowhere else for them to go? And so I was like, what paperwork do I have to fill out? What's the cost? Is it, do I have pay double? Do I have to pay triple? Do I have to call the UPS manager myself in Dubai, and ask him to keep an eye out for me? Do I have to find an Uber to go to the UPS store to pick it up?
[00:20:41] This is how I thought, and it wasn't that I was educated. It wasn't that I had this special talent. It was just that I was so damn driven to find an answer, that I wouldn't stop. And so that was how in all the messes, that you know how I went from being the stay-at-home wife to the person [00:21:00] today.
[00:21:00] I can very much articulate how I think and why I think and why I do things, but that's the transition. I didn't start here. I started from an utter mess who had no idea what she was doing, and I just figured it out.
[00:21:14] Hala Taha: Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors. This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by LMNT.
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[00:21:44] I like to think that I attract an elevated type of listener and according to the FDA, over 70% of sodium in the US diet is consumed from packaged and processed foods. And so if you're like me and you have a Whole Foods diet now. You are eliminating [00:22:00] processed foods and as a result, sodium from your diet.
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[00:24:26] I always say like everything is figure outable. I always approach things with a solution mindset because that's the only way you can get through stuff, that you don't have experience in. So speaking of a little bit of a lack of experience. You were a housewife turned businesswoman. You started leading a team.
[00:24:43] From my understanding you. You were working with like ex-convicts. I guess in the factory and also men who had several years of business experience, and you had to sit in the same room and on the same table. So how did you deal with imposter syndrome?
[00:24:57] Lisa Bilyeu: Dude, this is a great question. Okay, there's two things.
[00:24:59] So [00:25:00] yes, when we started Quest Nutrition, me and my husband very much believed, that we didn't care what your past was because we've all made mistakes. So who are you willing to show up today and be, and how hard are you willing to work? Who is the person you want to c become and are you showing up every day in service of that person?
[00:25:18] That's how we thought. And so our first facility was just out outside Compton, and so we were like, because my brother my husband had a big brother for an in the city kid. So that was why it was very important to us to make sure that we gave everybody a chance. And so we put, the call out in the streets.
[00:25:34] And so before you know it, you have a lot of big, beefy dudes that can work in a factory, right? They can and very easily adapt to a production facility. So for me, with shipping, I had a lot of guys that were willing to work very hard with big muscles and come in and do a lot of manual labor. And so they end up being the most amazing humans.
[00:25:56] Now, the problem is though, is that I had zero experience with being a leader, [00:26:00] and I'm five foot one and I'm British. So you can imagine you've got these hardcore six for five dues with tats up their arm, and not the tats are bad. I freaking love tats, it's like that they can be intimidating.
[00:26:11] I'm just gonna be freaking on it. And so originally I was like, we'll have to read leadership books. Do what everyone else tells you. So I read Sheryl Sandberg. I read all the books. Now, at the time, it basically was, the messaging was be as tough as a guy. And so I was like, all right, I'm gonna freaking lean in and I'm gonna be a freaking tough nut.
[00:26:30] Now I would go in the facility and I would just scream, bark orders, demand, like I wasn't commanding, I was demanding. And surprise, I didn't get the best outta my team. And I would see Tom bond amazingly well with the same guys. And I was like, what is it that he's able to do, that I'm unable to, if I just dismiss it because I'm a woman, he's a guy.
[00:26:51] I'm dead in the water. That doesn't serve me. So I was like, okay maybe it's, but it's more than that. Let's face, it's more than just that. So I was like, what is he doing? And I was like, okay, [00:27:00] he's being authentic and he's connecting with them in his authenticity. So I stepped back and I was like, okay, what do I, what's.
[00:27:07] Me, I freaking love hip hop. I am like at the age of 15, I was like a gangster rapper. And so I freaking loved Tupac and Biggie, like I was in the American pop culture of hip hop and these guys were gangsters. And so I was like, I'm gonna buy speakers. And this is actually what I did. I bought speakers, I put them in a production facility, and then one day when it became a very big, busy day. Whenever we would launch a new flavor, it was always like balls to the wools.
[00:27:36] And so I had planned so that when we would, on a busy day, I can't remember. I don't think it was an iPad back then. Anyway, I had a music device and I played Tupac and then I blast it from our production facility, and I would go out, cuz again, I'm a gangster rapper. I know all the lyrics. So I would step out and then British me would start to rap and they would look at me and it did multiple things.
[00:27:59] A, it made me [00:28:00] relatable. B, it made them see me as a human. C, they realized I was cool and then B, number four, wherever I am, they realized. That I was looking to change and motivate them and I was no longer just barking orders at them. I was like, alright, people who can rap the fastest.
[00:28:17] And I would make it a game and it with the music. It became this fun gamification. Where my team then ended up freaking loving, working hard. And so that was all just me stumbling in the dark by me going, this doesn't work. Do I wanna make it work? Yes. What am I gonna try? And then being bullish enough to keep trying things until it works.
[00:28:41] Hala Taha: I love that you went out of your way to find common ground. Still be authentic. And the thing is that people like them, so as soon as they saw, like I have this like hip hop thing in common. Maybe she's cool, maybe she's nice. Maybe I'll give her a chance. So I love that little story.
[00:28:54] Let's talk about you and Tom's loyalty because to me this is really interesting. [00:29:00] You were so loyal to him. You were willing to put up your house as collateral. You were so loyal to him. You're willing to give up your dream for many years. And it seems like for a while you were so loyal that you lost your identity in him.
[00:29:12] And so I'd love for you to talk about, the pros and cons cuz I know there's a lot of pros to you guys being so loyal to each other. What are the cons and what do we have to be aware of so that we don't go so deep into our loyalty that we actually lose ourselves?
[00:29:24] Lisa Bilyeu: There's a massive difference I think between loyalty and blind loyalty.
[00:29:28] And I was just being blindly loyal to serve him without serving myself. And what I realized was that still didn't make for a great relationship, cuz I wasn't happy. And so I think that's super freaking important. I'm still like deathly loyal to my husband. Like I would literally burn my company to the ground in a heartbeat.
[00:29:45] I wouldn't think twice about it for my husband and he would do the same. And so it became a do you support the person that you are with and what does support mean and look like? Now in that moment, I was blindly supporting him without considering, what would [00:30:00] make me happy. And I think that's where I went wrong.
[00:30:03] I also wasn't reassessing our game plan. So we had planned, okay, we're going to, work for a year, work for 12 months or whatever, and then we're gonna make movies cause we've just gonna have made all this money. We didn't reassess, we just going on that train of we've said we are doing this, let's keep going.
[00:30:20] And I think what makes the most successful entrepreneurs are people that actually know when it's time to stop. When it's time to quit. When it's time to let go, not just when it's time to push harder. It was Nastia Liukin, who is a gold medalist, she said it the best. This hit me so damn hard where she as a gold medalist, she was practicing, as a kid, 11, 12 years old.
[00:30:39] It's freaking intense. And she goes to her mom one day and she's crying. She's I hate this. I don't wanna do it anymore. And her mom says, darling, you can quit any time. But you cannot quit on a bad day. So she said, that's the only rule I have. Quit on good days, quit anytime you like. You're just not allowed to quit on days where things are [00:31:00] going wrong.
[00:31:00] And so what that does is that reorients you to let you know, do I actually want this? Do I like it? Or if I do, I just want to quit because it's hot. So that's like a very important just note, unlike when to quit and when not to. That was something that Tom and I didn't do. We didn't reassess our goal. We didn't reassess our plan.
[00:31:17] We didn't actually know what a goal was or how to plan a goal. A goal needs a freaking deadline. And so we didn't actually give it a deadline, we just kept punting. So in that punting, I felt I've committed to my husband. I'm loyal to my husband. I'm loyal to this plan, and God forbid I change.
[00:31:34] Does that mean I'm no longer loyal? And the truth is no. Of course it doesn't. It means that you actually are just as loyal because you're holding yourself, and him accountable to the plan and goal that you guys have set. Now there's one really freaking important thing here to anyone that's listening, that's in a relationship that wants to be in business and a relationship.
[00:31:52] Know who you are with. That's it. Know your partner. Because when Tom came to me and said, babe, I'm putting the house on the [00:32:00] line. A, I recognize the difference on how me and Tom think, I valued the house cuz I saw it as my nest. Tom valued the house because he saw it as a nest egg. So when he comes to me and says, babe, I wanna put the house on the line. It's because he's this is valuable.
[00:32:16] This is what's gonna get us to our dream because we are putting the thing that's valuable. Here, but I've only got the house because it's valuable. I haven't got the house because I love it because I wanna bring up my children here. But I do. So now you can imagine, just in this discussion. Where he comes to me says, we wanna put the house on the line.
[00:32:32] If I don't understand where he's coming from, I'm just like my, our house. What do you mean? And this is where I think couples really have the friction. Where they've maybe met, they maybe have these big dreams. They get married or they settle down and then their ideal of life ends up pivoting or changing.
[00:32:49] Or you think, cause you've got a ring on your finger. That changes the trajectory of what you had said, the life you were going to live. So when Tom came back and said, but babe, this is why I'm [00:33:00] ambitious in that moment. I'm like, I know the man I married. I married an ambitious man. And for me to think, or for me to even want to change that, I have to really assess that because that is part of what I found sexy in him in the first place, is that I found the fact that he's driven, he's ambitious.
[00:33:15] He's got these big, massive dreams. And so in order for me to stay true as his partner. I need to encourage that, not dampen it. So when he comes to me and says, I wanna put the house on that line, I need to understand A, why he's saying it. B, did is this a surprise to me? No. So now I think if I had said no, what do you mean?
[00:33:35] This is our house, this is our dream. I would be going back on my word as a partner in my word as a wife, because when I got married I absolutely did commit to marrying and supporting him. And so when I was able to really narrow it like that, and I just ask myself, I can get another bloody house, who cares?
[00:33:54] It's it's just. Four walls in a roof, I can get another one of those. I cannot get [00:34:00] another Tom. This seven point whatever billion people in the world. I don't think there's only one person for you, but there's one person I've committed my life to and that's him. And that commitment doesn't change because it's hard.
[00:34:14] That commitment doesn't change because now he's maybe taking away something, or not even taken away, but he wants to gamble with something that maybe I have an identity attachment to. And that's what it was. It was an identity attachment. This is the house that I was gonna bring my kids up in.
[00:34:29] Hala Taha: So you and Tom are so incredible because I feel like because you're so committed, because you're so loyal, you're in such a secure relationship.
[00:34:37] I have to imagine that really helps with your confidence. Just knowing that like you've got this whole other person. Who has your back, who will give up anything, kill somebody for you, whatever it is, right? So how does your relationship actually make you feel more confident?
[00:34:51] Lisa Bilyeu: Here's the tricky thing is that I did allow my relationship to impact my confidence, and actually having gone through from being a [00:35:00] housewife to being an entrepreneur. I've actually realized that's so damn dangerous and I've allowed my husband.
[00:35:07] I've unshackled my husband from that duty because I do think that's almost not fair on him to say, my confidence is going to come from how you show up or how you talk to me, or how you behave. It's just a dangerous game because when the more understanding. I do about hormones and emotions and things like that. It's a tightrope that I would be walking if I allowed my confidence to come from him.
[00:35:31] So I realized I had to build it myself, and then that came up with, okay, how are you gonna build your own confidence, Lisa? Now look, that is not to say I definitely will not BS you. Your partner has absolute tremendous power over you, and you absolutely have tremendous power over them. If I told my husband enough that his arms were puny. I know him enough, guaranteed in two months he'd be in the gym and he'd be freaking like grunting, to try and get his arms to be bigger because he [00:36:00] would take that as somewhat of an a message to him.
[00:36:03] I think beautiful. And I don't think, I think today's society is getting weird about not having this way of like me enmeshment. And so I actually love the enmeshment with my husband. I seek it with him, and yet I know all at the same time, I can't rely on it. And so that's why I don't wanna BS and say, screw him, or the confidence comes from me.
[00:36:26] No. I know that very realistically, that if my husband kept showing up and he kept saying something was like bad or whatever, I would internalize that. So it has to be two ways. It has to be both. It has to be seeking your own confidence, and then also even in just confidence in your partner. And in that, maybe you are not asking this question, but I'd love to just drop this little thing on.
[00:36:46] Just like jealousy. You have to be confident in yourself, that your partner isn't gonna go out and seek someone else. Now here's the thing, if they do, it is nothing to do with you. And look, I cannot speak for other people, [00:37:00] and maybe somebody's listening right now. They're like, what are you talking about, Lisa?
[00:37:02] That isn't my situation, but that is how I've processed it, because if my husband goes, I cannot control him. Which is why I'll never get obsessive. Which is why I refuse to ever be jealous. Which is why as we're building Quest, I'm sure you can imagine. All of a sudden he gets more notoriety, he gets a little bit more famous.
[00:37:19] People start to know who he is. He starts to get way more wealthy. He starts to get more into his health and his body. You go to these events, right? You are like a billion dollar company. Oh my God. He's the co-founder. He's hot. If I can just say so. And you get women in bikinis. That are absolutely flirting with him.
[00:37:38] Now, I could sit here and go, these bitches that doesn't do anything to me, that just brings more anger and hate inside me. I could be like, what the hell is my husband talking to them? That doesn't help my relationship. Or I can say, Lisa, if he seeks external like satisfaction, then he's not right for you.
[00:37:55] And every day it isn't, it's easy to say, but you better believe I repeat that to myself [00:38:00] because I cannot, under any circumstances. That allows my husband's action to ever impact, the work I do on myself on a freaking daily basis. So people literally will joke. I joke, he could be walking down the damn street with his arm around a woman.
[00:38:16] Someone could take a photo and send it to me and I'd be like, it must have been a fan. She must have been crying, and so he was just walking her to the shop because she was in tears. Like I would never go straight to jealousy because I won't allow myself to get there because the second that I'm jealous. It means that either I don't trust him, which remember I can't control him, or I think less of myself and screw that.
[00:38:38] I've been there. I spent my entire teenage years there, and I won't ever do that again.
[00:38:43] Hala Taha: And I have to say that jealousy is a very unattractive quality. So the last thing that you wanna do with your significant under other is be jealous because they're actually gonna think even if subconsciously, that you are less because you are being jealous or you have a reason to feel threatened or [00:39:00] something.
[00:39:00] So I totally agree with that. So I know you, you basically believe that you are the hero of your own life, but it wasn't always that way for a while. You were having Tom be the hero of your life and you felt like you needed him all the time. And you were a little bit dependent on him previous to basically a wake up call that you had after a health scare.
[00:39:18] So I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about some of the health problems, that you had and how that really helped you make a big transformation in terms of your mindset.
[00:39:26] Lisa Bilyeu: I'm not sure how far back you want me to go, but I can give a very quick recap for my health situation cuz that might help the context.
[00:39:33] Growing up I had a mother who was borderline anorexic, and then in my teenage years she swung very hard in the other way, and when it was clinically obese. And she used food as a way to either soothe herself, to punish herself, to get validation, and I just grew up with that idea. And because I was teased, because I was bullied, I never wanted to be mocked or teased.
[00:39:54] So I was like I'm just gonna have to stay skinny, as skinny as possible. Now, of course, that ends up with a very unhealthy mindset. It [00:40:00] has. It leads to a very unhealthy relationship with food. I don't realize though, what it's actually doing to my body. And we start I am very insecure, so I think to myself, I have to work more hours than anybody else because at that moment, in that time, I thought that the more hours I work, the more validation points I would get.
[00:40:20] And so I was the person that was 14 hours, 15 hours, 16 hours a day. If I have to do it, then I'll do it without complain, without any, like I just, that thought that's what I had to do in order to gain respect. And in that effort, in doing that, not realizing that, your gut holds what is it, 70% of your immune system.
[00:40:38] I kept getting sick a lot and in that sickness I was, doctors were giving me antibiotics. Now you do that for year after year. It came to a point, Quest announced as a billion dollar company. We actually get the dream house. So we would drive around Beverly Hills on days, where we really were like, what the hell are we doing in here's every day we have no idea what we're doing, making a protein bar.
[00:40:58] We would drive around Beverly Hills as our [00:41:00] motivation. So cut to years later, we finally get the house in Beverly Hills, like the actual dream has come true. We get a bottle of champagne. We're in it's the dream come true. We open the bottle, I take a swig of the champagne, and in that moment, all I can say is it felt like my gut erupted.
[00:41:16] Now, this was seven years ago. I'm still on the journey back to health to give you an idea of how bad it got. Now, the reason why I brought up what day it happened on is it couldn't have actually happened on the better day. Because on that day of like the height of our success. I realized actually doesn't mean anything if you don't have your health.
[00:41:33] Now for a year. After that moment, I could about eat four, five ingredients. Which meant that I was extremely malnutrition, my hair was falling out. I could barely stand up longer than five minutes at a time. I was about 20 pounds lighter than you see me now, and it got to the point where my health was so bad it just hurt.
[00:41:53] Intimacy and it hurt. It hurt to stand up. So you can imagine a, what that would do to any [00:42:00] relationship. My husband is so kind and so supportive, that immediately he was like, cool babe, I'm gonna adopt your diet. And he was like, if you can't eat cake, I'm not gonna eat cake. And so it was like, it would be his birthday and he'd be like, no, I'm not having cake.
[00:42:12] He's I'm gonna have an, scrambled eggs like you because that's all you know. So he was so damn supportive. And but within that support, what I ended up doing is just turning to him. And so every time I was down, every time I was feeling bad. Every time I was having an emotional reaction to something, I just thought wait, he's here to support.
[00:42:30] And it got to the point where when it's a health condition and when it becomes this, time over time and time again, he really did pull me aside and basically said, Hey, look, you're just leaning into your emotions more. And as in business, he's you are going to erode your credibility as a leader because you're showing up emotional.
[00:42:47] Now, the thing between me and my husband is that we've got the commitment. That would always be honest with each other, even when it's hard to say. So in that moment, I was like, I was leaning on him to almost be my barometer. And that wasn't fair on him. [00:43:00] And I realized I was holding myself back.
[00:43:02] And then the added thing was I was doing the same to doctors. I was turned into my husband for the support and be the expert in my emotions, and I was turned into the doctors to fix my gut. And in that I was never going inwards. I was never saying, Lisa, how do you feel? And I was blindly following doctors that when they would tell me, Lisa, stop eating red meat.
[00:43:20] That's what they told me. Stop eating red meat and eat raw vegetables. It sounded like, you know when you get that like emotional trigger before you even have a chance to think about it. That trigger in my head was like, oh my God, that isn't gonna work. But I ignored it. I ignored my gut, no pun intended.
[00:43:36] I ignored my gut instinct. I blindly followed the doctor, and exactly what I predicted happened. I was in utter gut disarray. And so you combine all of these things where I'm turning to my husband. I'm turning to the doctors, I'm turning to everyone for expert, and I wasn't getting better. And what I realized was in this one moment, where I was on my knees, I was in the middle of a photo shoot and I get this massive gut [00:44:00] pain again, guys, it's so bad.
[00:44:01] I have to, I fought to my knees. So I'm in this photo shoot. I'm trying not to fall to my knees in front of everyone. I'm in utter agony. I excuse myself because of course, in those days as a woman. I couldn't tell people that I was in pain. So I just excuse myself. I run up to my bedroom and I fall to my knees, actually clutching my stomach.
[00:44:18] I can barely breathe. So I'm like gasping for like air. I grab my phone and me and my husband, we have rules of engagement. I can ignore your phone call. If you call me once, I can ignore your phone call. If you actually call me twice. If you call me three times in a row and I'm interviewing Oprah or Michelle Obama, I gotta say, sorry.
[00:44:38] I gotta go. My husband's calling me. That's where, that's our agreement, because that means the world is crumbling. So I'm on my knees, I can barely breathe. I grab my phone and I call my husband. Once he ignores me, I call him twice, he ignores me and I'm like, okay. I knew it. I call him a third time. I'm like, okay, he's gonna answer.
[00:44:55] He doesn't answer. And so now in this moment, I'm on my [00:45:00] knees and I'm like, but I need my husband. I need my husband. I need my husband. But cause he doesn't answer, I go, okay, you've got a choice. You stay on your knees, Lisa you get up. And so I was like shit, you're the hero of your own damn life.
[00:45:13] Get the fuck up. And so that is exactly what I did. And in that moment, it changed my life forever. It made me realize I was waiting to be saved by everybody else. I was waiting to be saved by my dad's growing up, I was waiting to be saved by my husband. I was waiting to be saved by the doctors. And yet this one little moment where I just said, get the fuck up, I did.
[00:45:36] And I was like, my God, I'm my own hero. And that one idea literally echoed into every single thing I do as a leader, as an entrepreneur, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend, as a sister, and as a host.
[00:45:52] Hala Taha: We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors. You hear that sound? You should know that [00:46:00] sound by now.
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[00:48:44] I love that and I'm super happy. It seems like your gut health is a little bit more under control.
[00:48:49] Lisa Bilyeu: It's just one of these things that I realized long, long time ago that we all tried to seek perfection. And I was like, when I'm better. And I was like Lisa, hang on a minute. Maybe you'll never get better.
[00:48:59] And that's fine. [00:49:00] That's actually okay. What I seek is progression. And so today, what am I gonna do better today? What am I gonna do better tomorrow? And if I'm never going to be a hundred percent better. How am I gonna keep showing up to live in my true authenticity? And when I say that, to go out and crush my goals and be a freaking badass, and show up with aggression and still love myself and do self-care.
[00:49:20] And so with all of that combination. It's pretty much who I show up to be today. And I still have to navigate when I travel. I have to take all my supplements, I have to call restaurants. I still have to ask what oils they use. Like it's not, I still deal with it on a day-to-day basis. I just don't let it dictate my life.
[00:49:35] I don't let it take over. And I just see it as part of who I am instead of this part of me that I wish wasn't there.
[00:49:42] Hala Taha: I love that. So I've been having a lot of power couples on the show. So I recently had Alex and Leila Hormozi, Grant and Elena Cardone, and Lisa. I have one half of a power couple, so I hope to have Tom on soon so I can have three power couples in a row on the show.
[00:49:57] That'd be so much fun. So I wanna [00:50:00] understand, and I know we're like running out of time, but I have so much more to ask you. I wasn't gonna ask you this, but since you and Tom were such a great couple, you've been together for 22 years. I don't like taking relationship advice from people who don't actually seem happy, and you guys do seem really happy.
[00:50:14] So I want to understand some of your top tips to keep a happy relationship and keep it sexy.
[00:50:21] Lisa Bilyeu: All right, so top tips is, number one, you're always gonna evolve. So any rules of engagement, any agreements that you've had last year may not still actually mesh with who you are today and in this platform that you're using.
[00:50:34] We're, I assume a lot of us have the growth mindset, so that should be no surprise when it comes to business, but for some reason we still find ourselves surprised, when it comes to relationship. And so it is imperative, that you guys are always asking each other regular questions. And if it has to be the same questions, then it can be the same questions.
[00:50:50] But for instance, some of the hard questions that me and Tom ask each other is, what was the thing that I used to do for you, that I don't do for you now that you wish I brought back? Or, what is the [00:51:00] thing that you, that I've evolved into that you are concerned about? All the really freaking hard questions so that you never find yourself surprised.
[00:51:08] So that's number one. Number two is don't assume you guys are the same. So how, especially if you're both entrepreneurs, you and you guys are not gonna be the same. My husband works way more than I do. I go to around 12 to 14 hours. That's my cut of point. I just, I don't find it interesting anymore. I don't enjoy it.
[00:51:23] I end up hating my life. But Tom can work 18 hours and be the most excited human on the earth, and I've learned to disconnect my validation to being that, I've gotta keep showing up because he does. Separating how you show up and being okay with that, and then how your partner shows up, and then that not being a reflection of you or how you feel.
[00:51:42] And then communication when I say communication, I know that's very everyone says that. But what Tom and I do is we actually have a dictionary of defining terms. So what I mean by that is, if you use the word important, that if you actually say, this is important to me, Tom would leave his photo, his [00:52:00] shoes.
[00:52:00] So he is downstairs right now. He's gotta shoot. He would leave his shoot in the middle of it if I said important. Why? Because we've actually defined what that word means to us, which means that we never abuse it. So this means that if I say to him, Hey, this is important. He drops everything, he shows up for me no matter what.
[00:52:16] That is an important like definition to have because now imagine you guys aren't on the same page and let's say you use important five times a day. If you say it to me, I interpret that word in a very freaking different way. And what people do is they kinda leave it loose. They're like, we've had the discussion.
[00:52:30] No. Don't do this discussion. Actually write it down. This word means this to both of us.
[00:52:35] Hala Taha: Love that.
[00:52:36] Lisa Bilyeu: So that's super important. And then the biggest thing really is defining your values. So I think where a lot of people get like in little arguments. I'm just gonna pick a stupid one that actually ends up being, the thing that breaks marriage is the dishes are the bed, right?
[00:52:50] The most people that I hear, the women want the dishes done, the guys don't really care. So I just used to think I was brought up in a Greek religion. I was taught that of course you make your bed, so my husband's gonna make the bed. [00:53:00] If he's the last one out. And so we used to clash. Really clash.
[00:53:03] And then until we had, what does it actually mean to you? So this is what I mean by core value. What does making the bed mean to you? Instead of going, it's a freaking bed, just make it right? Now, I'm dismissing what it means to him. Now, I'm actually being a bit on my high horse. Like I'm looking down.
[00:53:18] It's like you don't wanna make the bed . So being aware of that, being aware of how you approach things. And then why? So why is the bed important to you, Lisa? The answer was cuz I was brought up to believe the first thing you do in the morning is make your bed. That sets your day up for success. Now the other thing is I have somewhat of a bit of OCD, like I find it hard to actually focus when my environment is messy.
[00:53:47] Okay? That's my value. I have to make the bed because when things are messy around me. It's hard for me to concentrate and show up. What's my husband's value? He was taught, he's babe, there's only 24 hours in a day. If you wanna take up seven [00:54:00] seconds of that 24 hours. Now it goes against my value system because like Steve Jobs, he's saying, how does me make in the bed?
[00:54:09] Allow me to get to my dream, my goals, or fill my ambition? And so now you can understand, when you broke it down to what does the bed mean to you? We're not really arguing about the bed. We're arguing about, he thinks I'm being dismissive to the value of time. And he feels dismissive to me to what I need to focus.
[00:54:30] So now you can imagine couples are always freaking arguing about the bed, but they're not actually realizing what they're arguing about. Now, once I understand the value system and what he sees the bed making as in the value system of what I do. Now, I literally say to him okay court, I understand that making the bed now no longer serves you, but I still wanna make the bed.
[00:54:48] So what conclusion do we get to? So I was like, I'll just make the bed. Now. The knock on the bed was, he comes in and he's babe, you just bloody made the bed. It takes me seven seconds to unmake the bed. He actually, [00:55:00] it said, it takes me seven seconds to unmake the bed because I've gotta put your, cause we have different bedsheets because we like to, we have different.
[00:55:07] So he's I've gotta give you your bedsheet back and I've gotta put my one back and then I've gotta move the pillows around. And he's it's a freaking waste of energy. So again, I just addressed it. I didn't dismiss him. I didn't, because if you don't hear why people can dismiss this is the most ridiculous conversation I've ever heard.
[00:55:22] You guys are talking about the bed in this way. Yes. You wanna know how we've been able to build multiple, huge, multi figure successful businesses, and be married for 20 years. It's because we don't dismiss stuff like making the bed. And so in unmaking the bed. We then came up with another conclusion. I said, call babe, but I still need the bed neat.
[00:55:41] So what I'm gonna do is I won't touch your side of the bed. So he's got his own blankets. What if I take my side of my duvet and cover your side? Now you don't have to do anything. You literally unpeel one side that takes you two seconds. How do you feel about that? He's like, all right, that I can do.
[00:55:58] So it's great. So now the funny thing [00:56:00] is if you go upstairs into my bedroom. We have a king size bed. One size has a massive lump because that's his side of the bed. But I'm not allowed to touch it. Not allowed. That's not true. We came up with the agreement that this is how we both show up and do the bed together.
[00:56:13] And now you better believe. We never freaking argue about the bed again.
[00:56:17] Hala Taha: I love it. It's the small things that really matter. So one other last question before we wrap this up. You've mentioned validation multiple times, and I know that you're a big believer that you really can't get your validation externally, so I'd love for you to share that lesson with us.
[00:56:32] Lisa Bilyeu: Oh God! Validation is for parking. That's what I basically say. It's like it should be nowhere else. Look, it is totally natural. I totally understand. I think most of us do, and that's where I think we get trapped. And so I think A, we need to identify where do we get that validation from with zero judgment.
[00:56:48] Like we've gotta give ourselves the damn grace and the zero judgment. And that's what I did. Okay. I've got my validation by being a Greek wife. Okay. I understand where that came from. It came from my grandparents. It came from my dad. Who are very traditional, cool, [00:57:00] but I just put it there. I get my validation from being a great wife because my dad compliments me, right?
[00:57:05] Like everyone was complimenting what an amazing wife I was. So once I identified it. I said, cool. I don't beat myself up, but I understand why this doesn't serve me because I no longer wanna be a stay-at-home wife. So I just assessed it and I said, cool, can you still be an amazing wife but not have to put clothes out for your husband, and clean for your husband?
[00:57:22] And I said, yes. Great. What does that look like? So I just laid out, what it looked like to me to be a great wife without it holding me back from my dreams. And so I wrote what that meant and so I was now able, I was taken over and I was taking control of my own validation. And I said, if I do these things, do I feel good about myself as a good wife?
[00:57:44] Yes. Great. Then I'm just saying with business is that if we can all get extent external validation, especially in the business that we are in, where if you get a lot of likes, a lot of views, a lot of great comments. You feel great about yourself, you can't bullshit that. And if you don't and you [00:58:00] put a piece of content out and everyone's oh my God, this interview with Lisa was horrendous.
[00:58:04] What were you thinking? Never interview her again with whether you like it or not. You're gonna feel a little bad. You'll be like, I missed the mark. Now the question is, how do you make sure that isn't about you? That it's not a personal thing. That's where the validation comes, right? Where we internalize it about being about us.
[00:58:22] That's taking the external validation and allowing it to penetrate. Instead, you take the sting and you go, what can I learn from this? And what can I do better next time? And when you show up and do better next time. What you've done is you've built internal validation that you are the type of person that said, I can do better next time.
[00:58:45] And you showed up and did better. It's now not about the likes, the comments, the things, because that's gonna be inevitable. No the better you do, the bigger you get, the more people are gonna wanna push you down. That's gonna be inevitable. How do you gonna not get trapped? You use this as a [00:59:00] way to build the internal validation. That when something terrible happens, and you put out something that people freaking despise. You still in that moment could go, I'm great because I'm gonna take these lessons and I'm going to improve.
[00:59:15] Hala Taha: I love that. I feel like I could talk to you for so much longer. Lisa, you were such a pleasure. Drop so many bombs. So the last questions that I ask, all my guests, the first one is, what is one actionable thing that our Young and Profiteers can do today to become more profiting tomorrow?
[00:59:31] Lisa Bilyeu: Be honest with exactly where you are today, and where you want to go and what that gap is.
[00:59:38] Because without that utter honesty, you're not gonna be able to know clearly with clarity. What skillsets do you have to gain?
[00:59:45] Hala Taha: I love. Ego can get in the way,
[00:59:47] Lisa Bilyeu: basically, right? It could be like, oh, you can do this, can you? Or do you have to learn? That's what I mean by where are you now? Where are you going, and what is that gap?
[00:59:55] Hala Taha: I love that. Assessing your gaps, making sure you learn the right skills. And what is your secret to [01:00:00] profiting and life. And profiting can mean money, relationships, overall wellbeing.
[01:00:05] Lisa Bilyeu: It's something that I like to call it emotional sobriety. I can allow my emotions to get in my way. I'm just gonna be honest. I am very empathetic.
[01:00:13] I have a big heart, so I feel a lot, I have a lot of emotions and yet I have a very strong business mind. And so for me it was how do I practice the skill of emotionally stabilizing myself in moments, that are deeply upsetting, deeply frustrating, something that may wanna bring me to my knees in the middle of a meeting. Where let's say somebody is either talking down to me or I feel the imposter syndrome.
[01:00:37] How do I emotionally regulate in those very moments is the biggest skillset. I think any entrepreneur can should adopt because everything else can be learned. You can google share, you can learn other things. That is a thing that I think so many of us find hard to regulate. And I think that's the shit that gets in most of our ways because we take things personally.
[01:00:59] We want to [01:01:00] get, we wanna show up, we wanna prove ourselves. And the emotion piece, you get that right? I think you're on a great path.
[01:01:06] Hala Taha: I love that. That's some great advice. Lisa, where can everybody learn more about you and everything that you do?
[01:01:11] Lisa Bilyeu: Thanks, homie. So Instagram, I'm definitely on Instagram.
[01:01:14] I love Instagram stories. There's a lot behind the scenes. I have amazing conversations with women on my show called Women of Impact, so that's podcast and YouTube. And then my book, Radical Confidence is where I really do take everything I've just said and concretized it into actionable steps, because going back to my emotions. When I'm in that moment of overwhelm, stress, imposter syndrome, what am I doing with my life?
[01:01:36] I need a game plan. I can't think my way out of it or emotionally get myself out of it. I need a game plan that I can go to time and time again. And that's basically what that book is. So it's called Radical Confidence because you don't actually need the confidence. You just need this to understand how to show up every day, to get competent enough to then gain confidence.
[01:01:56] Hala Taha: And I have to say, you guys, Radical Confidence is a great read. You guys should pick it up. I'll [01:02:00] put the link in the show notes. I'll put the link to Women of Impact in the show notes as well. Lisa, you wrapped it. Thank you so much.
[01:02:06] Lisa Bilyeu: Thanks, Homie, this has been so fun.
[01:02:08] Hala Taha: Lisa. I love that I've been able to interview more self-made women on the show. Lisa co-founded a billion dollar unicorn company, Quest Nutrition with her husband, Tom Bilyeu Biu. How badass is that? And it was really inspiring to hear Lisa's story. I didn't really know her background before she came on the show, and I loved learning about what she calls the purgatory of the mundane or settling in life because life is just good enough and comfortable.
[01:02:38] Lisa says, being in the purgatory of mundane is even more dangerous, than hitting rock bottom because how the hell do you wake yourself up from that? A lot of us are pushed to make changes when we hit rock bottom. When our backs are against the wall, when we've got nothing to lose. But if we're not careful, if things are going okay, life can continue on in a direction until one [01:03:00] day we wake up and realize. That we actually wanted something different, and time is the most valuable thing that we have in life.
[01:03:06] Take a second and reflect on where you are in life. Could you be in your own purgatory of the mundane? Are you really fulfilling your full potential and pushing yourself, or are you bored if things are not horrible? If things are okay, even good. That doesn't mean that your life couldn't be a lot better.
[01:03:26] And remember, it doesn't make you ungrateful to want more and to be more in life. Lisa mentioned earlier in the interview, gratitude can be toxic if you use it as an excuse to never improve or change. Thanks for listening to this episode of Young and Profiting podcast with Lisa Bilyeu. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you drop us a five star review on Apple and let me know what your biggest takeaways were.
[01:03:49] Tell us how you listen, learned and profited. Writing us review is the number one way to support us here at Young and Profiting podcast. If you like to watch your podcast, check us out on YouTube. [01:04:00] You can also find me on social media. You can reach out to me on my Instagram @yapwithhala or LinkedIn.
[01:04:05] You can search for my name. It's Hala Taha, Big thanks to my incredible production team at YAP Media. I appreciate all your hard work. This is your host, the podcast, princess Hala Taha, signing off.
[01:04:32] Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Darius Mirshahzadeh, host of the Greatness Machine and part of YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. So what's the Greatness Machine? The Greatness Machine. We are a badass podcast and we're about two things. We're while people are living their passions and those are creating greatness in the world and doing so despite the odds.
[01:04:49] Cause we know that creating greatness is not necessarily an easy road. What do I do in all my interviews and episodes? We're gonna be diving into origin stories. What makes people tick and why they did what they did to [01:05:00] get where they're going. I interview some of the greatest minds in the world, turning their wisdom and their experience into learning and advice that you can use in your life.
[01:05:08] So that you can level up and you can create some massive greatness in your life. You're also gonna get to hear solo episodes. This is like my greatest life learnings, the things I wish someone had taught me. Join me as I go deep with guests like Gabby Reese, Amanda Knox, former FBI negotiator, Christopher Voss, Stanford Behavioral psychologist, BJ Fogg, and my boy NHL, hall of Famer and Olympian, Chris Pronger, and so many more.
[01:05:31] You can find the greatest machine on listening platforms everywhere, so be sure to check it out. We launch episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Listen now.
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