Hala Taha: [00:00:00] Yeah, bam, welcome back to the show. And for today's YAF classic, we are brushing off my old interview with Dean Graziosi, episode 68 of the podcast recorded in June, 2020. Now I remember this episode so vividly because June, 2020 was in the midst of COVID. My father had just passed and I was just starting Yap Media.

I was just starting to get my first social clients. 

And Dean really inspired me at such a pivotal part in my entrepreneurial journey. He inspired me to feel confident in being the underdog.

And he really goes into why you're actually better off being the underdog and how you can compete with the biggest companies [00:01:00] in the world, even with very few resources, that actually makes you more creative and innovative.

And we talked all about that and it really opened my eyes and fast forward four years later. I can't believe how far Yap Media has come. And if you don't know Dean, he's a highly respected businessman who's built a multi million dollar real estate business from the ground up.

He's been involved in or has started 14 incredibly successful companies. And now he basically leads Tony Robbins company. He also is a best selling author whose books include Millionaire Success Habits and the Underdog Advantage, which was the topic of the episode that we're replaying today. Our last episode on the podcast, our latest one released on Monday was with Dean as well.

It's episode 294. And if you haven't yet, go check that one out. We talk about why there's never been a better time to pursue entrepreneurship. And today's episode is a perfect follow up to that. If you believe you were meant for something more, but you don't feel like you have the motivation [00:02:00] or the drive to get it, you're going to benefit so much from this conversation.

So let's get right into it 

my first question to you is really about your journey to where you are today. So from my understanding, we do lots of research here on Young and Profiting Podcast, and you had humble beginnings. Before you were 19, you moved 20 different times. You grew up with a single mom. Um, you guys had financial struggles.

You lived in a trailer park. You know, you had super We're humble beginnings, but then by the time you were 25, 26, you were already a multimillionaire. Um, you had made it in the real estate business, you had 20 to 30 apartments under your belt. So take us back to then, like, how did you get from, you know, struggling 19 year old, didn't go to college, single parent to multimillionaire in your mid twenties?

Dean Graziosi: Yeah. First off, I want to say congrats on all the research. Everybody says they do, but you really did. So thanks. And secondly, I want to congratulate you for [00:03:00] being a leader and getting information out to the world. And,

We need to get more educated on so many different levels. to help us grow. And, and I just want to commend you for choosing this path because, uh, the world needs more people doing that. Right. And, uh, if you're not sharing your own knowledge, which you surely do, you help bring other knowledge to the world.

So, you know, here's the thing. There's, there's a million different reasons, right? We all have different circumstances and, and please know when I, when, if I share a little bit about my past, I want to share only. So it gives you context so you can use it in your own life. Okay. I don't like podcasts sometimes when someone goes on for 45 minutes about their life story, if it doesn't feel relevant to me.

So I just want to tell you, no matter where you are in your life right now, as you listen to this, You know, if you're in your twenties, I can remember being 20 and 18 and not knowing, you know, what I was going to do with my future. I didn't feel that smart because I struggled with dyslexia.

So I just, I decided college wasn't even an option for me and we didn't have money and I didn't have an example in my family, but I knew there was more. I watched my parents work so [00:04:00] hard to have nothing and I just didn't want to follow their path. I didn't want to follow their path in the work environment.

They're amazing people, but in the work, it's like they always struggled with money. They always worried about money and they both worked hard and it caused them to be not so happy in their personal life, right? It overflowed into that. So I just want to let you know, I know what that feels like. And I know what it's like to have that hunger to go.

And do something on your own, but like, where the heck do you start? And then besides, where do you start? Then you feel like an imposter. Like I know maybe you have never felt that way, but I was like, you didn't go to college. You're not that smart. No one in your school, you know, no one in your, your family's doing well.

You don't live in a big thriving town. You live in a small little upstate New York town. So I remember feeling all those feelings, but what I want to share with you today. And, uh, I'm excited to dig in anywhere you want, no question, uh, off the table. But I also know what it's like to use that pain of running away from tough circumstances as my fuel.

I know what it's like to fail and try again. I know what it's [00:05:00] like to fail 10 times and try again and get that first sale and that fifth sale and get momentum and get people to believe in you. And you start gaining confidence. And then all of a sudden, you know, you get scared again, but you look back and go, I've already done this.

Let me try more. So I, I did, I started a firewood business in high school. I started fixing wrecked cars before I was 20. I bought my first rundown apartment house for no money down at 19 or 20 years old. I ended up having a tow truck company, a collision shop, apartments. Then I started, just like you said, I started building houses, buying raw land and subdivide it by 25.

Failing miserable in between a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of just hustle, a lot of people doubting you and say, slow down. You're not going to make it. Family thinking you're crazy. I was able to get to, uh, you know, my net worth. I didn't have a million dollars in the bank at 25, but I had over a couple million dollars in real estate.

By the time I was 25. 

Hala Taha: Wow. 

Dean Graziosi: And, and multiple different businesses. 

Hala Taha: That's so incredible. It's so cool that you, you didn't have a college education, but you just went out and did the work. You [00:06:00] hustled, you learned things on your own. How did you change your mindset about money? Because if you grew up with parents who, you know, struggled financially, they probably put it in your head that like, it was really hard to be rich.

And that like, you know, it kind of, Yeah. How did you, how did you change to a mindset of abundance? 

Dean Graziosi: Yeah. First off, I want to take a good question. I liked, I'm going to have fun. This is gonna be a fun interview. I like there because it's a true story. And my, I remember my mom and my mom is one of the sweetest women I've ever met in my life.

But my mom, if we pass somebody with money or a big house or a Mercedes went by when I was a kid, I, my mom's, I remember my mom being like, Oh, like it was like disdain because they had it and we didn't. Right. 

Hala Taha: Yeah. 

Dean Graziosi: And I just remember, You know, it's easy to look back and sometimes I don't even know if this is exactly what I felt at the moment, but I can judge it from this point, looking backwards.

And I realized that money isn't evil. Money solves problems. And I remember, you know, it's like, I guess this is a silly analogy, but neither one of us were sitting here talking when we didn't think about the air we're breathing. [00:07:00] You didn't think, Oh, I got another breath about it. But if someone clamps, put their hands around your neck and you couldn't breathe, the only thing you would think about is air.

And when I look back at my parents, they didn't realize since they didn't have money. And they didn't have the ability to do things. All they ever thought about was the lack of money they had and the pain caused them without even realizing it. And I just remember thinking, if I could get money out of the way, I could retire.

My mom was probably my biggest muse because she worked three jobs to make nothing. And I remember thinking, if I make money, I can retire her. She doesn't have to come home at nine o'clock at night, tired with her hands hurting and her back hurting. So I just remember thinking money can solve problems.

Now I was probably a little naive back then, but I still feel that. I still feel money can solve problems. We just, when we, as a family, we realized how many kids go to bed at night in America, hungry. we've provided 7 million meals. We put money that allowed us to provide a solution, right?

We do a lot of stuff in charity, but it also helps [00:08:00] my family. I retired my parents, both of them. By the time I was 30, I retired both my parents. So they didn't have to worry about that anymore. Right? So I think money is one of those things. It's only evil if you do bad things with it. Money can shift the world.

Money can help people in need. Anyway, we can go down the, the philosophical side of money. But I just, it, I just knew if I could make more money, I could help my family. And I wouldn't feel so out of control. You know, when you don't have money and you got to move, we lived in an apartment house and had to leave because we didn't have money to stay there.

It's like, it was all this disruption. 

Hala Taha: Yeah. 

Dean Graziosi: And the other thing I'll share before we, and you know, if you want to go deeper and move on, but the other thing and maybe some of you can feel this is lack of money to me. And this is one of my core whys in my life. Lack of money to me means I'm not in control of my time or my decisions.

Money made my parents make certain decisions. They couldn't come to my baseball games or plays because they were both working. That was a decision made because of lack of money. We had to move certain areas. My mom, we had to live with my [00:09:00] grandma a lot. We made bad decisions because of lack of money and someone else was in control.

And I remember, if I can, Now that we're talking about it, the number one thing I remember is if I have money, no one's going to tell me how to live, where to live. And I still feel that way. 

Hala Taha: Wow. I think you said so many different gems, so many great insights. I love that money allows you to be in control.

And that was sort of like your drive to help your parents become financially free and for yourself to be more in control of your life. I love that. So I think this is a perfect segue into the underdog advantage. I thought it was a great book.

Hala Taha: Um, so tell us, what is this concept of the underdog advantage? 

Dean Graziosi: So I think If you really look out, look through history, right, some of the biggest people were respected sports or in freedom for countries, freedom for people.

They've been the quintessential underdogs, right? At every level from George Washington in America to Martin Luther King, to mother Teresa, to LeBron [00:10:00] James and Michael Jordan and everybody in between. If you really dig into their past, they weren't supposed to make it. So how the heck did they make it? Did they, right?

So when I decided when I have this concept, I'm really obsessed. My last two books, Millionaire Success Habits and this one are really about going upstream. Uh, that's the analogy I use in my head and really helping people with the foundation for success. So many times people want success and they're looking.

Should I do Amazon? Should I build a course? Should I write a book? Should I sell products? And they're looking for the tools and the tactics. But if they don't have the mindset and the skills and the habits for success, it'll never work. They'll dabble forever and have envy that other people get ahead and they're not.

So I really started obsessing on how do I really help people in a simple way, anchor in a foundation. I started looking into my own life, right? I feel like I'm the quintessential underdog, didn't have money, didn't have resources, didn't have family support, didn't have an education, all those things, right?

Not for me, just part of it. And I started really. And I geeked out on research on, on successful people [00:11:00] throughout time. And there was seven core habits of people who turn their disadvantages into their advantages. I mean, think about this. Most people, when they think about starting their own business or scaling their business, they say, and I get DMS like this all the time.

Hey, if you lend me a hundred grand, we can be rich. If you lend me the money, if you give me the, but think about it, how many people hit lotto? And go broke. They had the resources, but they were lacking resourcefulness. Right? Think about how many people, if you know anybody, that's a trust fund adult was a trust fund kid.

Now they're adult. I know a bunch of them. And I have to say, I don't know any of them that are really happy or really hungry or are attacking life. I know a lot of them that struggle some people who just raise money for businesses. And they're like, and you probably have some friends like that, not friends, people, you know, they're on their fourth raise of money and the business fails.

They just go raise money again. So that's an example of resources Transcribed But not resourcefulness. So if we go back to that, what if life happens [00:12:00] for us? What if God, the universe, whatever you believe in, set these obstacles in your way to see if you are worthy to gain the success you desire. And to get over those obstacles, you have to be resourceful.

You have to figure out solutions. Listen, I've been blessed to start over 13 companies. I've done more success than I could ever imagine possible. I never had anybody lend me money, give me money. I didn't know what it was like. I wasn't smart enough to raise angel and have angel investors and get my, I had to go in business and I had to make it profitable in the first month or I'd go out of business.

Right. So taught me how to be a hustler, taught me how to market, taught me how to influence, taught me how to put, bring good people together because my butt was on the line. If it didn't work, I'd go broke. So it looks like poor you, no one lent you money. No, not poor me. I know how to start businesses and make them cash flow now because I had to be resourceful.

That's just one of the, you know, seven things that you realize successful people are massively resourceful. 

Hala Taha: Yeah. I love that, that you have to be resourceful. I think [00:13:00] that's super interesting. So let's say a lot of my listeners. We have like cushy corporate jobs, right? And we're comfortable now.

So how do we get that, you know, resourcefulness, that fire under our butts that you're speaking about if we already kind of made it to a certain level? 

Dean Graziosi: Yeah, I love that. What a great question. And that's why there's a whole section in the book about adopting an underdog mindset, right? Because if you don't attack things in a hungry way, you can get complacent.

And here's what I, what I would do. Share is it's great to have a cushy job and you got some money coming in. But if you looked back, if you had the chance to fast forward, you're 97 years old and you're sitting with your maker, whoever you believe your maker is, and you're having a conversation and you just fast forward and what you're doing now is what you did for the rest of your life would incremental raises.

If you're can sit with your maker and say, Oh my God, I was an amazing life. I felt it. I lived to my full potential. Then you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. If you love it and you feel, but if you [00:14:00] feel any part of your heart that you were meant for just something different, not just more money, not just upgrade the five series Beamer to the big Beamer or go to the bigger cut.

Like I'm talking about something where you feel like it's calling you. Like you get out of bed in the morning and you feel like you have a calling where you could be a role model where you can tap into another level of potential. We all, I don't care where you are. There is another level of potential.

And when you reach that one, there's another level. Stretching your mind, stretching the ability to learn, stretching the ability to impact other people's lives. If you have any of that, then what I believe is you have to get disturbed with inaction. You have to get disturbed with complacency and that's just it.

Like, and even when it comes to entrepreneurs, there's lifestyle entrepreneurs and achievement entrepreneurs. I have some people that I know that got to a certain level. 20 grand, 50 grand a month in revenue and they live the life they want and they want to just be on autopilot. They don't want to make more, they don't want to make less, but they got their lifestyle they want.

And there's accomplishment based [00:15:00] entrepreneurs. It's like, I accomplished this, but there's a bigger mountain. There's more to learn. There's more to grow. I want to get navigate new territory and it never ends because it's not about the money. It's about, it's about the ability to keep growing. So I would just say you have to really reflect and spend a little time and say, If you're good with it, don't, don't let anybody disturb you.

Stay good with it. But I would bet today, if you're listening to this podcast or you listen to any podcast or you're reading any personal development books or success books, you know, there's like a, you might be on 3. 0, there's a 4. 0 version of you. And what I'd say is find a way to be disturbed and find a way to have an underdog mindset, like attack it, like you're not comfortable, attack it like you have no money, attack it like people are going to make fun of you when it doesn't work, attack it that you have to be this.

incredibly resourceful because all I know too is being resourceful brings you alive because you have to think through problems, right? You don't just go, Oh, let me cut a check. It's like, no, I got to make this happen. 

Hala Taha: Well, you have incredible drive. I feel like I also have this incredible [00:16:00] drive. That's why I started my podcast on the side of having a job and it really does wake me up and it makes me feel so passionate about life and I can't wait to see where it goes.

But you have like this extraordinary drive that doesn't seem to stop.

 I wanted to take a look at your content journey, so I scrolled through all your YouTube videos all the way from like 2011, like very old videos, maybe even 2007, I want to say. And some of them had like 30 views, 70 views, and then it would jump from like, 70K views to 200K views.

Hala Taha: And I was thinking like, how did you maintain that drive where sometimes people were paying attention and sometimes people weren't paying attention at all? How did you like maintain that grit, that drive to where now you have, I think, 3 million followers on Instagram. How did you do that? 

Dean Graziosi: Yeah. So here's what it is.

First off, there was a time [00:17:00] where I realized that, and this is somebody, any view that ever wanted. If you're already in it or you want to go into something on social media to make more of an impact, to get a channel going, if you just look at it, that there might be just one person in the universe right now that needs what you're going to share.

If you look at it through those eyes, then you don't have to say, wow, I don't have millions of followers. I don't have tens of thousands of followers, but what if it doesn't take 10, 000 followers? What if one person tomorrow, if you shared a message, had two views and one of the two, you got to course correct their life or help solve a problem or allow them to feel better about themselves or gain knowledge to make them go faster in life.

If you start looking at it through that, then it becomes about. The impact and by product is more revenue and success. So I would bet to say, I know what I want out of life. I truly understand what success means to me. Took me a long time to dial that in. And of course it was different in my twenties and my thirties and my forties, but I know what success means to me.

I love. Giving people [00:18:00] capabilities to go faster because I wish I had right and I had the right knowledge and my twenties. I got a lot of advice, but it wasn't till I really started digging in and learning from people who had already been there till I got the right advice. So I love giving advice. I love course correcting people's lives, not because I'm brilliant, not because I have all the answers and I don't give people advice in areas that I don't know of.

I would never like what's going on in the world right now. I'm not going to give advice. I just want to be an active participant in the fix, the repair of it right in the solutions. I'm not going to give my advice to people way smarter than me, but you want to know how to start a business, market, influence, persuade.

Write bestselling books, build relationships with people you like. That's my expertise and I want to give that to the world. So when I know I want that and the only way to give it is through enthusiasm. And I mean, if I came on here with you today, I was like, yeah, you know, I've been blessed to do a lot of cool stuff.

Listen, right? So just for me, and I want, [00:19:00] this is one thing I think everybody should take away from this is. Pearl down like the four to five things that are real success in your life. So one for me, I love making an impact. Maybe it wasn't always that when I first started this business, I just wanted to make more money while I was helping people right now.

It's an obsession to make an impact. Number two, I love being a father and a husband. I'm married to one of my dreams. I have three amazing children. And I want to be a present dad. I, when my kids are with me and I pick them up from school every single day, I go to baseball practices, not just the games, being a dad and being a husband is important.

My team is extremely important. They're my family. We, there's 85 of us. I think it's like an extended family and for, I want to grow and contribute. And that's really the four things in my life. And I really say, I know this sounds, I say no to everything else. I don't do much else out of those four things, but I fight for that.

And each one of them light me up like this. But if I was doing something that gave me that money, but didn't allow me to feel aligned, I don't think I could [00:20:00] have this enthusiasm. So, so just balance that, know what success really means to you. And if you're not, if you're, if success means a certain amount of money and you got it, but you're still getting up, not feeling so good, then take a transition, start a podcast, like you, like do something that just intrigue you.

And I, and the last thing I'll say about that is if you don't know what else to do, then just be an investigative reporter. Like, just keep your eye open for anything that can give you that spark. 

Hala Taha: Yeah. I think that's really interesting. Essentially, you're saying, like, you just followed your values. Like, it had nothing to do with how many people were watching or how many views you got.

It was more about your values and you just kept doing, you know, what you enjoyed to do, what you found passionate, what kept you enthused, and it just ended up working out. So that's, that's amazing. 

Dean Graziosi: Yeah, let me tell you about my podcast. My schedule is three It's really crazy life, a hundred employees, three kids and writing books, doing courses, doing videos.

We put out a lot of content and I still run my business. I'm still CEO of my company. So I make that I level business decisions, [00:21:00] but I told my team, I said, cause they were only booking me podcasts that were like the top podcasts.

And I feel blessed with my partnerships and my, I can, I've done all the top podcasts, but I said. Let's do podcasts where you find somebody intriguing. You find somebody that's really working hard to make a message. You find somebody who's like got a heart to serve. I don't care if they just start my team's like, well, what if they only have 5, 000 listeners a month?

I'm like, well, they're going to grow and we can help them grow and I can deliver content. So I love making those decisions because I wish someone would have done more of that for me when we first started, right? So 

Hala Taha: that's awesome. 

Dean Graziosi: You're right. All your values and success follows that a lot faster. 

Hala Taha: That's awesome.

So one more concept from the book I want to cover. You say the most powerful advantage an underdog has is using desperation as persuasion. What do you mean by that? 

Dean Graziosi: I've seen some of the people who are best with, you know, people don't like the word sales and marketing, but listen, let's just say it.

Nothing in the world happens unless you make a sale. If you don't sell, I want to come listen to your [00:22:00] podcast. They don't come. Listen, it doesn't matter if you just put it out there. Like an old movie with Kevin Costner called the field of dreams and the whole movie saying if you build it, they will come.

If you build it, they will come. If you build a great restaurant, if you write a great book, they won't just come on board, you know, Barnes and Noble, 95 percent of all books that are in Barnes and Noble. Don't sell over a thousand copies. Do you know how many amazing books are in Barnes and Noble? People took years to write them.

They put their heart, their soul, they did research, they obsessed. They had sleepless nights. They got done with the book and they're like, yay, it's done. And they got a publishing deal and they put it in Barnes and Noble and. 800 copies sold. Why? Because they built it and it was so good. They just thought people would go viral and do it on its own.

That's the biggest misconception in business. I want to tell you right now, everybody listening, if you're going to start a business or you want to even scale in the company you're at, you must influence and persuade the people that can allow you to go to the next level. You must, if you're selling something, you must get people to say yes.

Now here's the cool part. [00:23:00] When you provide amazing value to you, that, company you work with or you provide an amazing product that changes people's lives. Listen, I love selling my book to people because I know if I read, they read it, I get to change their lives. 

Right. 

Let's just, I just wanted to get selling out of the way.

Like we must sell, but if you're selling cigarettes or booze to an alcoholic or selling something bad, that's terrible. But if you're delivering value to your company or value to the world, then I think we're obligated to sell. So that's that part. The turning desperation into persuasion is when you are an underdog or you adopt an underdog mindset, think about in a corporate world, right?

Cause you say you have a lot of people listening. It's got a, maybe a cushy corporate job. You have to influence and make enough impact so you could go to the next level. That's just the way it is. If you look at it through the eyes of no desperation, it's like, you know, I'm kicking ass in this job. I'm doing a good job.

Listen, I'm going to go talk to my boss and I want him to recognize what I'm doing. That [00:24:00] is doing good. It will never work unless there's a feeling of desperation to want that next level, right? So even if it's, even if you're comfortable, if you didn't have a horrific childhood, it doesn't matter. Adopt that mindset.

I desperately want that because here's what I know. The most, the greatest salespeople on the planet that I've ever met. And I've been blessed, you know, I've traveled all over the world on live events. I get to watch a lot of them on stage. So many of them have come from a struggling background and that desperation built passion and enthusiasm.

Right. I know before I had the intelligence and before I had the money, you know what I had, I had the authenticity and the enthusiasm and the desperation that converted into influence, right? I had to tell people to do business with me because I had no credentials. I didn't go to school. Like, so I just found a way to turn desire and desperation into authentic persuasion.

 [00:25:00] 

Hala Taha: So, I heard you also mention, I can't remember if it was a podcast or in your book, talking about how like confidence is really important when you're selling something and how nobody can buy anything if you're insecure about what you're saying. Could you elaborate on that? 

Dean Graziosi: Yeah, so, I mean, have, have, have.

Listen, if you're listening right now, is anything ever good happened in your life when your confidence is down, if you go in and you're a superior and you want to make a change, if you're not confident, if you're looking down, you feel a little nervous, you thought about it all night and you rehearsed what you were going to say and you walk in there with lack of confidence, little cotton mouth.

Do you ever get your way? Never works out. You don't get the girl, you don't get the guy, you don't get the date, you don't get the bank to lend you the money, the partner to be with you. You don't get someone to say yes if you're in sales, if your confidence is down. If you don't believe in yourself, people don't believe in you.

And the thing I want you to really Listen to right now is confidence isn't like a one to a hundred scale for me. If your confidence is at a [00:26:00] 94 out of a hundred, you're not moving forward in life. I want you to think about you have to protect your confidence and when it comes to selling, right? I watch people on stage.

A lot because I get to travel around the world and I'll see somebody have so much energy and love and compassion and a great product or a great service. And they'll be on stage for an hour and they'll deliver massive value. And I can tell I'm like, Oh, we're getting ready to sell something. Cause I can watch their mannerisms change.

I can watch their face go straight. They turn more like a robot. They physically back up from the edge of the stage. And that's when you maybe you guys have seen it or saw it online and that's when they go to slides. Say, now, if you like that today, if that was the tip of the iceberg, I have more. And they go to this slide and then a robot and they don't sell anything because they weren't, they lost their confidence to sell.

Or maybe they didn't believe in what they were selling or if someone taught them sales were bad. So confidence is so important on every level. And if this is cool with you, I want to share a couple of things to really think about confidence. 

Hala Taha: Of course. 

Dean Graziosi: You won't make the [00:27:00] decisions you want. If you don't have confidence, if you're in a job and you want to raise, and you've been thinking about asking for it, if your confidence is down, you're not asking, right?

There's a difference between cockiness and confidence. Confidence comes from purely in your soul. So here's what I want to share with you, protect your confidence. And there's lots of ways that rob your confidence. watching the news on a regular basis will rob your confidence.

When's the last time you ever watched the news and thought, oh my God, the world's in such a good place. . You watch the news and you say, watch the news. Then you say yourself, oh, this world, America's going to hell in a ham basket. Maybe I should be lucky that I have this job. Maybe I shouldn't ask for that raise.

I should just be happy I have the, the job I got. Let me, let me stay safe. Let me stay secure, and then you shrink. Right. How about hanging out with someone in your life that tells you to stop being a dreamer? You really shouldn't start a podcast. You got this great job. Why would you want more? Why do you want to ask for the raise?

Why do you want to start their own business? You hang out with someone like that. You might be empowered and strong. You might have the Superman logo under your shirt, [00:28:00] but when you hang out with that person, you button it back up. You go back home and go, maybe I should be happy with this life. These things are cumulative.

Watch the news, hang out with your negative friend. And then the last thing, there's a bunch of them I could share, but the last one, I wish someone told me this and gave me this gift when I was younger, even in your career, your job, your business, whatever it is that you do, stop working on your weaknesses and stop feeling inferior about the things you're bad at.

Like today, stop it. When you work on your weaknesses, all it does is make you feel bad about yourself. And here's a gift I wish someone gave me. Figure out what you're good at and get amazing at it and let the stuff you suck at, or you're insecure about, or rob your confidence. Let someone else do it or pay someone to do it.

When you can see, I don't care if you've been in a corporate job, if there's something that you hate doing, pay someone to do it. And when that time is being done by someone else, obsess on the things that you love that can actually move the needle in your life and watch your ROI go through the roof. 

Hala Taha: Wow.

I think that is [00:29:00] absolutely incredible advice. I think your points about kind of like changing your environment, making sure you're hanging out with the right people, making sure that you're not getting consumed by the news and letting that Take over your feelings and, and how you feel about yourself. I think that's, that's wonderful advice.

I'd like to switch gears to something a little bit more personal. From my understanding, you grew up with divorced parents. I think at a young age, your parents got divorced and then between them, they divorced like nine times. Um, you seem like a very mentally stable person. Somebody who's really got a good head on his shoulders.

So how did their divorce impact you and how did you not get traumatized by, by that experience? 

Dean Graziosi: Actually did get traumatized. So a really good question. And I'll be completely transparent. I am. It wasn't easy. And again, I, when I share, I just want you to know, I'm sharing experience. I'm not sharing cause I want any sympathy or empathy for it.

So, but, um, my father couldn't really handle the divorce. My father was the youngest of 12. He was sexually and [00:30:00] physically abused like most of his childhood. And he didn't ever repair that. So he had this anxiety. inner anger. And now my dad's in a great space and I love him dearly, but my dad struggled with that.

And he, he pushed his family away and kind of terrorized us in a way without realizing his father physically beat him. And he decided I'll never hit my anybody in my family, but he came out in other ways. Right. 

Hala Taha: Yeah. 

Dean Graziosi: So there was a lot of back and forth and my mom, She got married and divorced five times, my dad, four.

So marriage didn't seem like a thing. Like it didn't seem like it worked. And I have to say, I, I, I went through a divorce and I never thought I would because of that. But I have to say, I know a lot of the reasons why, and I'm responsible. I have to take responsibility for my part in that. But I had, when I was going through my divorce, when I knew it was, An absolute thing that was happening.

There was no no way around it and i'm not an advocate of divorce I'm, just saying this was the decision for for us. It caused a lot of [00:31:00] anxiety in fact if I'll go into this any way you want but the truth of the matter is it opened up wounds from my four five six year Old self and for the first time in my life I had real anxiety attacks like I didn't know what an anxiety attack was at you know, my late 40s I popped Xanax two days a week just so I could sleep and I don't even take aspirin.

I don't drink a lot I don't Take any like I just don't like putting anything in my body and I was taking Xanax just so I could get to two nights a week sleep like had crazy panic anxiety not from the divorce because my ex and I had already figured that out. We're working on a friendship. We're already living in different places.

We had already lived in different bedrooms for two weeks. three years before we got a divorce. That was fine. But all these old worries of my children came back. And, uh, it was, it was a really brutal time. And I'm, tell me what part, I'd love to share what I did to come out of that. What I shifted, how I'm in the best relationship in my life, how my kids are thriving, my ex is a dear friend.

What part can I help your audience with? 

Hala Taha: I'm interested to understand like how you, Like, [00:32:00] first of all, you're friends with your ex, so I think that's relatable to everyone. Like, how did you maintain a healthy relationship with your ex while also getting married to somebody else, starting a little new family?

Dean Graziosi: So here's what, so I'm just going to say it like it is, I'll hold, I'm not going to hold anything back. It was freaking me out and freak out is just a fun way to put like losing my mind, journaling at night. And I started doing all the things like I am friends with Tony and great people. My buddy, Dr.

Daniel Aitman, and I went and saw Tony for a couple of days. Daniel Eamon for a couple days and I read books on it and I was meditating and I was waking up in the morning and doing yoga and I was journaling every day. I could not believe it. And this is just something for everybody to think about. I did this in business, but I didn't do it in my personal life.

And I'll tell you what that is in a minute. I couldn't stop the feelings I had and nothing seemed to be working. I just kept going back to this younger version of myself. And I was like, I felt like I was going to put my kids through the same trauma I went through. That wasn't the case, but that's the way my [00:33:00] brain was telling me that was going to happen.

And I started thinking, what is one. And this is something I want everybody to take away. If you take nothing from this, this podcast, take this, when you can have exponential results, when you can solve one problem that solves many, that's how you grow your career. That's how you grow your income. That's how you grow your business.

I do that all the time in my business. What's one thing I can solve that solves multiple things. And I just, I started getting this frame of mind, like nothing seems to be working. I'm losing my mind. And I started thinking, what's one thing. And the one thing was. Because I was worried my kids wouldn't respect me.

I wouldn't see him as much. I travel a lot. What if it's not my day when I come back? What if all the values and core beliefs I put into my kids go away? Like I do Sunday meetings with my kids. I pick them up every day from school. I cook my kids breakfast. I cook them like I'm an engaged dad. I'm thinking, I'm just picturing all that.

It's going away that their mom's going to talk bad about me and all of those things. And I'm like, what's one thing I can do? And I have to tell you, my life [00:34:00] changed when I realized that. If I can be friends with my ex, like real friends, not just fake, like someone, I made a list of 10 things I could do and I sent it to her on how I could be a real friend.

And what I said is, you know, things like, I will listen when you talk, I will never disparage your kid, the kids. And when you're not around, no matter what, when I meet somebody, they have to accept that I'm friends with my ex and that I don't talk bad. I will never say a bad thing about you in the entire universe, anywhere you never hear.

And I just declared these 10 things and said, if I can be friends with my ex, okay. All the other worries go away. She's never going to talk bad about me. She's not going to try to steal and have more custody than 50 50. She'll be flexible when I travel. And when I found the answer, not even when it happened, all the anxiety, it was almost like a ship coming out of a storm.

Like, rocky, crazy, and then all of a sudden, boom, it was like a flat surface. And then when that worry was off me, and we saw we could do that, my kids saw the respect. And, and, uh, one more thing to remember. This is a hard one. And this relates to what's going on in the world right now. I just decided [00:35:00] to replace anger, guilt, worry, frustration with compassion.

Might've been the hardest thing I've ever done. And every time I go like, why does she want that money? I'm going to look through the eyes of compassion. And when I started doing it, it became a habit. And within six months, I just always replaced all of those emotions that do nothing but hurt, destroy with compassion.

Long story short, built a friendship. I had the ability to work on me. I decided I looked internally for the first time on relationship side on a deeper level and said, how can I become a better man? I don't want to find a woman that can fill me up. It's like, how do I become a man that attracts a woman where we can, I can find the relationship of my life.

And I did a lot of work on me and I got coaches and, and read, and I interviewed people and great couples. And I realized some of those old, Beliefs from my family's divorces were lingering inside of me and I got to purge those out. And I, then Tony made me make a list of everything I wanted in a relationship and everything that wasn't acceptable.

And he said, look at that every single [00:36:00] day. And I did, I wanted someone who would love my children, like their own, someone who was into health and personal growth. And I wrote all these things down. I wrote all the things that were unacceptable people that were negative people that were racist or people like I had all this list of what I didn't want.

And I manifested it. And I'm married to the woman of my dreams. 

Hala Taha: And you guys look so happy. 

Dean Graziosi: We are, every day. And it's not for Instagram. And this is the last big lesson.

And I'm, if I took too long to share that, I'm sorry. But here's the last thing. Your next level of life, and you've heard this before, but I want you to hear it for the first time, lives on the other side of the thing you fear the most. I fear leaving my children. I didn't fear getting a divorce. I feared leaving my children.

It caused pain and anxiety. Think about this last analogy is you're in a ship and your ship's okay. You're in the bay and there's other ships around and maybe your ship's a little bigger than everyone else's or the same size and you're comfortable, but you're just not happy. But the only way out of that bay is a tornado and it just stays out in the bay and it's always there.

And the only exit is through the tornado. You can stay in the [00:37:00] bay. You can look back in your life and go, I lived an okay life. I wasn't ready for okay. My ex and I hadn't held hands in 10 years. We hadn't slept in the same bed. My kids didn't see what love was. I felt empty on the inside. I'd go on stage in front of 20, 000 people.

They'd all cheer and love me. And I'd go backstage and be alone. And I'd feel alone, right? I had all those feelings. The only way I could find love. Happiness abundance was on the other side of the storm. And a couple of times I started going to the storm. I got scared. I went back like picture that visual.

And then finally enough was enough. There was no going back. And I took my ship through that storm and it was hell. And I had anxiety attacks and worry. And now that I'm on the other side of it. I'm a better person. I'm a better version of me. I've navigated new territory, and I can see through a deeper level of empathy and compassion, and I'm a better dad, I'm a better ex, I'm a better husband to my wife, I'm a better leader.

Hala Taha: You know, I have so much respect for you that you found a new woman, but you didn't just, like, leave your family to the side, and you [00:38:00] prioritized your ex and your children, and that's really respectable. My last question to you, and I know we're really close on time, what is your secret to profiting in life?

This is a question we ask all of our guests. 

Dean Graziosi: You know, I said this already, so I don't want, I don't want to beat it up, but really identify what happiness is because it changes all the time. 

Analyze what true happiness is. What true success means to you and fight for it every single day that drives me that's my greatest success That's my greatest profit is I know what I love. I love being a family man. I love impacting lives I love my team and I love growing as a human and I will fight for that to the end